Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

So that’s the first hour of the day spent having a 2 minutes check in with each child in the class! Do you understand how unreasonable and unrealistic you are being??

There will be multiple other kids in the class who are summer born children and therefore only just 4, there will be multiple other children who are winter born but also struggling with starting school. It is not at all feasible for the teacher to one on one time with each of these children every morning. The TA is there to assist, she is taking your child and supporting him, it doesn’t need to be the main teacher.

But you're only seeing a very small fragment of the day. It's unfair to assume that the rest of the day is going to be more of the same. It's fairly chaotic when the children arrive in the morning, so the aim is to get everyone in and settled down, isn't it? I'm sure the both the teacher and the TA will be devoting some time during the day to build a rapport with your child, as they will with all the children. Many children settle quickly when the parent dropping them off has gone, so it's best if mum or dad can be calm and unruffled with the child and see them off in a positive manner.

My child was also a late August birthday, there were quite a few in his class who were the same (and one friend shared his birthday). Mine also had autism so was developmentally much younger, it was quite a challenging time. They will all settle down soon as the new regime becomes part of their routine.

Sorry are you saying the reason your DS is crying each day is because the teacher hasn’t personally greeted him?

Honestly, I think whatever teachers do, for some people it's always the wrong thing.

Your child is being individually taken off by the teaching assistant. That means the other 29 children in the class are not getting individual support from them.

This is the extra help they said they would give you. Extra support (as you must surely know if you've had a 10 year history with the school) is usually provided by TAs.

🤣

I know there are not children who require extra care and i know my son is the only one crying at drop off.

Im not sure how you can know this OP, especially the comment about no child requiring extra care. With such a new class, even the teacher and TA surely won’t know this yet.

My DS1 has multiple disabilities but most of them are hidden. He started school with an extensive SEN support package. In the second week of term another parent demanded to know why my son had lots of support when another child in the class (not her own) was shorter. 😶

OP I hope your son settles in soon. It’ll be a big change for most, if not every child in the class.

Is there any point in the teacher making a big deal of greeting your son when he’s crying and too overwrought to notice? Having the TA handle the transition from being with you to being in the classroom means your son is getting consistant attention and comfort from the same classroom staff member each morning. The teacher can’t fill the same roll because they need to quickly greet the other 29 kids and their parents. There will be other moments in the day where the teacher will be able to focus on your child individually.
If you complain about this, the teacher might change their practice, but it would be for your benefit and not your child’s. Give it time and see how things change once your kid gets more used to school and drop offs are less fraught.

I thought netmums was a supportive group I just feel even more like crap lol

Netmums might be better (or not) so try posting over there instead of here. Lol.

The TA welcoming your child is fine, it's part of their job description. Surely your child doesn't require the teacher, the TA and your attention just to enter a doorway into school.

This thread is an illustration of how people don’t get that although their child is special to them, they are one of 30 kids in a classroom - sometimes more.
Yours won’t be the only August birthday. Some kids will have SEN, some will not having any English, some might be experiencing the effects of trauma, some might have serious health complications.
You don’t know what the teacher is like in class. She may very well have been distracted when your son arrived becausing of a more pressing issue than greeting him personally. Cut the teacher some slack please.

Every teacher and TA who works in Reception/Foundation/Early Years has a lot of experience. They see upset children at the start of term, every single year, it's not uncommon, regardless if a child is a September or August born baby. The teacher/TA need to get all the children into class, at that point any child who is upset will be comforted and spoken too, once in the classroom. As long as the teacher/TA is smiling, that's all that matters. There's no need to greet every single child personally. Like I stated an upset child will be comforted once inside. I completely understand that you are anxious because your son is one of the younger children. However, have some trust and faith in the teacher/TA, who do this every year, and have ways of supporting a child who is upset. There are many many children born in August (my niece is one, 26th August) that start school up and down the country, and they manage very well. For some children it may take some time to settle, again that's not exclusive to summer born babies but they do eventually. Keep calm yourself, give your son reassurance but don't fuss 'You'll have lots of fun, and in a really short time, I will pick you up'. If you come across anxious, your son will pick up on it, and he will become worse.

OP I would also be concerned if the reception teacher was standing by not looking or saying anything to a pupil in a lot of distress at handover during the first week. Making all the new school starters feel safe and welcomed and comfortable is a key part of their job, in fact that’s really all the reception reachers are typically doing during the first weeks. Have you not had a settling in period?

However I would echo previous posters that what you see on the door does not reflect what is likely happening inside. She will be comforting upset pupils otherwise she wouldn’t be able to manage the class.

I wouldn’t email. I would just arrange to have a quick chat with the teacher after school next week. There’s nothing at all wrong with asking for that, it’s standard and part of their job to talk to parents every now and again.

And by changing practice I mean that the teacher might loudly greet your child to appease you while you’re passing him to the teaching assistant. The teacher can’t do 5-10 minute comforting job because they need to take the lead greeting the other 29 kids and starting the routine for the day.

Every single child in my class got a personal hello. In the classroom. Not in the playground or at the door.

This. I can imagine another mother complaining, 'the teacher makes a special show of my child every morning, as if she's emphasising how babyish he is'.

Oh my god, then having to give up time to speak to the parent and placate and explain. It must be very frustrating.

I was a Reception teacher and if there was a child upset on coming in the TA usually used to settle them, she was very good at it. I took the other 29 children and got them settled then I would say Hello individually as I did the Register. If the teacher is standing at the door in the morning she is probably looking out for someone she needs a particular word with and hasn't got time to get sidetracked but I used to try and get to the carpet area as quickly as possible to start the day on a good note. You don't necessarily see all this going on as you drop your child off.

The classroom is much less stressful for the kids once all the parents have gone too and it’s just their classmates, teacher and TA. Everyone else’s parents just take up all the space and are unknown grownup strangers to the kids.

@CaptainMyCaptain , it sounds as if you're absolutely on it. Thanks for all your hard work, I genuinely couldn't do your job! 🌷

I don't know what you can do but I understand why you're upset. I have kids in reception and year 2 and the teachers are always at the door every morning and say hello to every child. Any children that are upset or struggling to go in wait until everyone else goes in and is being settled by the TA while the teacher helps the upset kids get in. Is this not normal 🤷‍♀️

If your son is walking past his teacher, in his first week of school (or any tbh) and she’s blanking him, then that’s rude and I would say something.

Surely part of school is also learning kindness and social etiquette?

Stop with all the lol stuff. This isn’t facebook.

I would say that the opposite is more common. Teacher cracks on with the majority of the class whilst TA deals with the awkward ones. Not set in stone though. Teacher and TA will divvy it up however they see fit.

OP, I will say I bristle slightly when I notice my child walk in with no greeting from any of the adults on the gate (it is rare to be TBF, but I had considered mentioning something) especially when she was in reception last year and particularly if they're just chatting to eachother!

I think though in an ideal world yes it would be nice if their class teacher said hello and unless they're talking to another parent/child to me there isn't really a reason not too, but that being said I'd probably be happy with a good morning from the TA, enough to not email the school if you're happy with everything else. It is so hard letting go of them and of course your little one is still so young

How is she 'greeting' if she's not saying hello? Maybe she's focused on something else like making sure they are all coming in, counting, remembering names etc. It seems to me that you are projecting your feelings onto your child. I'm sure he wouldn't notice if you didn't make a big thing of it.