Teacher not saying hello

[Hc1984]

My son has just started reception it's literally day 4. He only turned 4 on the 26th of August so he's the youngest in his class. We had a meeting with his teacher and head teacher before we made the decision to send him or wait till next year. They were very supportive and said he was ready from what they can see. He went to nursery 3 days a week at the school.

So he started along with his friends from nursery. But he has been crying every morning. The teacher hasn't even said morning once. He is taken from my from the teaching assistant. I understand the main teacher is busy and there are lots of partners and children, but she know my son is the youngest, we were worried about him starting and she hasn't even made the effort.

Am I wrong for emailing the school.

Thank you this really means a lot I thought i was losing it

Yes I am this TA! The teacher will send me anyone looking upset and I will help them sort their bags and drink, and then find a settling activity for them or sit with them and read a book.

With an anxious starter the best settling method is to be distracted by a favoured activity. The TA is probably settling anxious children in an area or with a book.
The teacher will not be ignoring your child at all and is no doubt observing any change or progress on arrival. Planned ignoring is a strategy too and sometimes if a child is very upset an adult speaking to them just escalates that anxiety.
I’m sure he will soon settle especially if he’s been in the Nursery.

Go and be negative on someone else's post bit boring and not needed.

As a teacher I know exactly which parents I need to avoid at pick up/drop off if I don’t want to eat in to my time I’m supposed to be dedicating to ALL the children.

I’m sorry it’s so hard, sounds really upsetting. I can’t understand why there wouldn’t be a hello from the teacher either. Hopefully he’ll settle in soon and this will all be a distant memory

Absolutely this. This is what I’m trying to say. If you can see a child/parent is anxious, one of the absolute best strategies is to downplay it.

Reception class TA here, in fairness the main aim is the mornings is to get the children in and the parents out, once inside we can deal with upset or unsettled children, from experience talking to a upset or anxious child with the parent there just prolongs the issues, it's early days and he will settle quickly

It wasn't negative.

My son was the same age as your son when he started in Year R. Over half the class were July and August babies. Would you have expected the teacher to spend 2 minutes with each of the youngest children then, or is it just your own child who's special?

If you've been in the school system for that long, surely you know how it works and that teachers don't have time to take a breath never mind 'check in' before the class starts. If you've emailed then I am cringing for you. A lot.

As someone else asked, how do you know she isn't taking time in the day to chat to him?

OP, No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to think it’s off that a grown woman, apparently capable of being a teacher, is too busy to say hello to her class of small children, its ignorance and laziness, nobody is too fucking busy to say ‘hello’ to children walking past her.

Also, yes, 4 year olds are tiny little children, stepping out properly, away from their mummies for probably the first time, it is an anxious time for them.

However, no, I don’t think you should email or mention it, because the rude woman who can’t be arsed to say hello to her class of 4 year olds won’t give a shit and will think you’re ‘that’ parent, despite the fact that she’s in the wrong. Just make a fuss of him yourself, tell him how brave he is and how much fun he’ll be having and soon he’ll get used to going.

This. I think you have to stop with the youngest stuff. Mine was 29th August.

My older one has a January birthday so an older starter but she cried every day of reception.

Why do you keep on saying 'lol' OP?!

Ah! No, this is 'mumsnet' its more acerbic and blunt than the 'other place-...

Although I do think teachers should greet the children when they arrive (its quite normal where I am for teachers to make sure to shake hands or high five each student as they arrive, to make sure they feel welcome) you really shouldn't stress so much about this. Its only been a few days, the teacher will be making an effort to get to know all the class at once and that takes time. Be patient, and give your son lots of encouragement, to help him feel happier at school. He's very young so its understandable that he cries in the morning as he tries to adjust. Give it a couple of weeks, and if he's still crying every morning then maybe contact the teacher and explain your son is still having trouble adjusting.

My son was always greeted by the TA, occasionally the teacher when she had time.
My son has Autism and Dyspraxia and went to mainstream primary school and they just don’t have the time to greet so many kids personally!
For his F2 year he had to be taken in kicking and screaming by the TA most days so she couldnt see to any of the others, so you have to factor that in, some kids may have SEN and will take up a lot of time.
As others have said if you complain about this then god help you when he’s older! You will soon learn what is worth moaning about and what’s not.

That's an hour of the day spent greeting the children in the morning 😂

The TA getting the child into the classroom happy is the aim here. The teacher can - and I can say with 99% certainty will - say hello to the children when they are then in class. Most classes use the register time as time to do this.

Making a big fuss of an upset child going in is generally going to make things worse not better.

No you certainly are not losing it.
Sadly standards are so low now and people accept and expect this.
Well done for aiming higher.

OP, whilst I do think some of the replies you have received are quite harsh, I do wonder if your son if picking up on your anxiety (which, by the way, is understandable - he is your baby and the youngest in the class).

Someone posted on here yesterday about an invisible 'cloak of love' (I will try to find it!). But effectively, on the way to school the parent asks the child which cloak they have on today, what are the buttons like, does it have a collar? The last thing they did was to put the hood up on the way into school. I honestly thought that was brilliant!

I would try to strike up a nice rapport with the TA at drop off and pick up.

I’m not fully clear on what the issue is or what’s happening OP.

Are you seeing him enter the class each morning? Or is he telling you what happens later?

Is the teacher ignoring him when he says hello? Is the teacher saying hello to other children and not him? Or does she not say hello to anyone? Is the teacher busy doing something when he enters the classroom?

If your son just wants something he isn’t getting then help him to understand, I guess.

You sound really anxious about his experience and he may be feeding off that.

You remind me of a set of parents some years ago who complained that teachers didn't smile and greet them when walking across the yard, and that was "bad customer service " ...