DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

Oh shit, I used to say the same thing about myself! And here I thought it was a common adage among people with an insecure attachment style.

Yeah and everyone else thinks the same when it comes to light . They're very good at hiding that part of themselves because they know what people will say that's why they go places like Thailand yearly where no one knows them and they can do as they please without fear of being caught

Did you watch the programme on BBC3 "The Dark side of Paradise"?

I would not care to be in a relationship with a man who spends 3 weeks ayear "on his own" in Thailand

My exact thoughts too

You can get the GF experience on the islands... for a price

Thailand is wonderful and my favourite place, and I’ve travelled there alone to join travel groups and tours, but I’m not so naive not to know what men do there on solo trips or in groups.

He'd rather have sex with young prostitutes (which could include ladyboys) than go with you.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

LTB!

He won't take you to Thailand with him.
He prefers to holiday with his mates.

He just doesn't want to holiday with you. Also, it sounds like you like different types of holidays.

Just book somewhere on your own.

Honestly I'd hate to go on holiday when my partner if their preferred holiday was a week all inclusive lying by a pool or on the beach. I'd be so bored. I'm more into traveling and seeing places, eating local cuisine and sometimes not even staying in hotels.
Sometimes you don't need to go on holiday with your DP or in fact spouse if you both like different types of holidays as long as everything else in the relationship is happy; I mean would anyone want to go on holiday and do things they hated just because the person they love wants to do it?

I go to the same place each year. So if it's not for food and travel what do you suggest it is then?

Yeah right

then why isn’t he thrilled you the love of his life , to join him and your both share the delights

Recently, after watching White Lotus, my husband said to me that yes, Thailand looked beautiful, but he couldn't go there without me, as he couldn't stand the assumption other people would make that he would be there to access prostitutes, and maybe even children. So actually, this is a concern of many men.

Whether or not he is there to access sex workers is no the whole point though is it? He is completely inflexible on having a three week solo travel trip each year and doesn't consider limiting other travel commitments to allow the two of you to have time off together.

The whole thing about 'you won't like it because you get travel sick' is deeply controlling. It is a presumptive veto under the pretext of care and veers into soft 'gaslighting' territory. Its not nice, and this sort of bullshit is one of the reasons I no longer see my in laws. I couldn't tolerate it in a partner, particuarly if they were immovable in their position on this.

Yes, same here (not the programme, I haven't seen that, yet).

I see nothing wrong in holidaying separately but a man intent on going, single, to Thailand every year? No thanks.

The shit these men try and sell

Island hopping

😂

If this is the case then why would he not jump at the chance to have you joining him?? He sounds like a delightful partner 🙄

I used to know a guy who went on holiday to Thailand on his own every winter.

He wasn't there for the women at all.

He was there for the men, though...

I know of a man who went to Asia on what he told his wife was a golfing holiday but in fact included visiting prostitutes.

I mean, you could go to Scotland where golf began or the Algarve, but no go to Asia for golf.

Have you never heard of solo travel? It's quite a popular thing, with women more than men. 3 weeks travel alone sounds heaven to me (and I'm happily married).

I'm not saying that I know the OP's DP isn't a sex tourist, but nor do I know he is one. There are other reasons to travel alone.

That said, he is clearly showing his priorities, and they aren't spending his holiday time with the OP. His solo travel and mates come first. Don't be someone's back-up plan.

The whole thing sounds awful. From his sex island hopping, to his endless holidays without you, to his stags and all this .....what do you find in such a man

Solo travel is fine but depends where you go. A man insisting on Thailand, on his own, is very suspicious.

Sex is cheap there, very cheap.

However it is a lovely place for couples to go.

Why don't you just book to go yourself? Maybe go with a pal? His time is spoken for, this year anyway at least.

My point is he loves to ‘travel’, which would suggest new places and adventures, not the same country every time. Nothing wrong with going back, but it’s not exactly travelling the world.

So why can’t you join him then ??
There is a reason he doesn’t want you to.
Wake up and smell the roses.

I travel to other places in between as well though. My fave trip is not the only one And it seems that OPs partner does the same

He doesn’t want you to go to Thailand for many MANY very dodgy reasons 🙈

If he’s such an intrepid explorer why does he go to the same country full of inexpensive sex workers each year rather than, you know, exploring the world?