DP lied about his holiday allowance and we can’t go away

[Takethat88]

I’m feeling a bit fed up…I’ve been with DP since mid 2023.

I knew when we met that he had an annual solo trip to Thailand every winter, and was planning on it again in 2024. Fine - but using 3 weeks of his holiday allowance meant our chances to go away together were limited as he also turned a 3 day stag do in Prague into an extended week long trip.

This year, he told me he would shorten his Thailand trip to 2 weeks so we could have a week away in September. When it came to us looking to book this in July, he told me out of nowhere he had ‘forgotten’ he has a friends trip to Berlin in December as one of them is celebrating a landmark birthday! So due to other days he has booked here and there over the year, he doesn’t have a week spare for us to go away!

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea.

Am I wrong to think that if my partner can’t prioritise a holiday with me after 2 years, he needs a big ultimatum?

Personally, I would love a 3 week holiday in Thailand travelling around. I love travelling seeing different places be it Asia, Europe or the UK, I would happily tour around. I love meeting local people and getting away from the tourist routes Just because you have been to a country once doesn't mean you have explored .

An all inclusive TUI wouldn't be my idea of a holiday. I tried it once and hated it.

It doesn't sound as if you are compatible.
You are settled with children and he can put his belongings in a suitcase and go.

I can understand that he doesn't want to move in together. Or spend his holiday in and All Inclusive hotel.

I can also understand why you are upset about not having a holiday together. It does seem very selfish not to make at least a week to go on a holiday with you.

Do you have weekends away together? Or long weekends.

I think you both want different things in life
You need to discuss it and from his response make a decision if you want to stay in this relationship.

How old are you, @Takethat88? could you be 36/37 based on your username?

Do you want marriage and children? Honestly, this man is selfish and non-committal. Sack it all off.

Dump him. You are low priority. And it is sad that his idea of fun never involves you.

I mean, I would hate an all inclusive TUI holiday, so can see why he doesn't want to devote money and holiday allocation to that, but he should be keen to sit down with you and plan a holiday you'd both love with real enthusiasm. You have said you'd like to join him in Thailand. If he were in love with you, his eyes would light up at this suggestion. Don't settle for being someone's day to day default when not much is happening.

I think as you aren’t living together, married, have children together, you don’t need to line up any ducks. You haven’t even been seeing him that long. As you aren’t fully entrenched in each others lives I would say, chuck him back in the sea. Block and delete.
Find someone who is excited to spend one week with you on holiday.

Having seen your updates, I don’t think he’s very into you. Maybe he wouldn’t be into anyone, but that doesn’t really matter. I wonder how many people will continue to respond with the same comments…

I even suggested joining him in Thailand as I’ve never been but he scoffed at the idea and doesn’t think it’s my cup of tea

I think I might know why he takes a solo trip to Thailand every year that he 'doesn't think is your cup of tea', OP.

That thought crossed my mind. Not much of a partner.

Have you ever managed to go on holiday with him @Takethat88

Argh, so very sorry, you cannot have a future with this person.

I am 68 and went on a solo tour of NZ in 2023 and there was a man there that 'regularly' went to Thailand. He used to pretend to be the actor out of the Queen Vic in Eastenders, he thought he was a hoot. I can hear him now 'Get outta my pub'. Argh.

I do feel for the women in Thailand, I am so sorry they are taken advantage of in this way. In 2018 we went to Thailand to volunteer at an elephant sanctuary, and when we left we had a day/night in Chiang Mai. My daughter wanted a massage so we went to a place that was run by female ex prisoners. While I waited for my daughter in the reception area I saw the men that had come for 'a massage'. Those poor women.

I've been to Thailand at least ten times whilst living in the Far East...if you believe that you're living in cloud coukoo land.

He’s just not that into you and most likely never will be. Don’t waste your time!

Reading your updates, it sounds like you are not remotely compatible.

Let's charitably assume that his solo trips to Thailand don't involve sex tourism for a moment. Even disregarding that - he likes his own company, likes doing his own thing, enjoys things like island-hopping and drinking in cool bars in Berlin, and clearly likes to live very independently. You, by contrast, want marriage, stability, reliability, easy package holidays together etc. He wants literally none of the things that you want.

To be honest, if I had a three-week holiday planned on my own (again, let's set aside the possibility of sex tourism; I wouldn't be going off to Thailand on my own year in, year out for three weeks at a time) I wouldn't want my partner to join me either - and I would not be compatible with someone who took exception to that. Neither of us would be wrong, we'd just not be a viable long-term prospect for one another. That, as a bare minimum, is why you should probably consider whether you have a future with this man, because I personally don't think he is going to make you happy and you need to have some dignity and walk away.

He always said he never has more than a suitcase worth of stuff so he could move out of somewhere within minutes if needed!
I think you're dating Holly Golightly.
I know it turned out well for Holly and Paul (and the cat) in the end, but I'm not so sure about this relationship; sorry.

Ultimatums are not the way to go in any relationship. If you are at the point of considering an ultimatum then there is no point continuting the relationship, because if he does change his behaviour on the basis of the ultimatum, that's not an actual personality change or a case of him having been convinced that the decision is correct. He would be complying under duress and the relationship is dying anyway. End it. He has shown you where you are in his priorities.

Good job I'm female then else I might get accused of just going there for sex tourism lol

Me too

Another one who thinks it's really dodgy him going to Thailand alone for 3 weeks, even if you don't think he's the type.I don't say this to upset you.If you really pushed him saying I'd love to go no really I want to join in experience your love for Thailand. Would he let you go ask again?
I had a work colleague with a partner always going off to thailand, a long story for another time.

If you really want to push it then turn up in Thailand this year. See what happens.
But expect to be disappointed in his reaction.
He does not want you there.
Accept and move on

Also plenty of it in Cambodia and the Philippines also, but everyone goes on about Thailand

Sadly many are not even Thai but women trafficked from the poorer neighbouring countries: Myanmar, Laos and Cambodia - and are even more vulnerable

If he was in Thailand for non sex tourism reasons, why wouldn't he want you to join him for even a week of it? Surely he'd be happy to show you the sites.

When a single man goes to Thailand every year for that long it’s for drugs or sex.

A lot of men will have an annual trip to that part of the world because they have a 'girlfriend' they visit and spend time with. No way is this innocent.

We'd all like to think our Nigel would never do that, but sadly many men would if they knew they wouldn't get found out.

You can decide for yourself if you want to do the distances.

Ask him outright why he doesn't want you to go.

He certainly isn’t the type to indulge in the seedier side of things and steers well clear of those areas.

They never are 'the type'.