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Original poster

What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

288 replies

LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:41

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

OP posts:
Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 09/09/2025 23:42

Wow great stories! Is this the same guy or two different ones?!

OverlyFragrant · 09/09/2025 23:46

He text me from a beach in Brazil letting me know he'd be back in 4 months.
I had no idea he was going. It really showed me how little he cared about me or the relationship.
Long story short, turns out he was shagging a best friend of my sisters. She got pregnant and the baby was due soon, he fled to Brazil to avoid the upcoming shitstorm heading his way.
Friends and family knew, they decided I didn't need to know. I'm still not talking to some over the whole thing.
I just wish I knew a lot sooner. It would have saved me 18 months of wondering why the sudden cold shoulder, lies, mean comments and general shitness from him.

tilypu · 09/09/2025 23:46

I don't remember what it was about, I do remember realising that I no longer cared what he thought. That was the moment I knew it was over.

RealPerson · 09/09/2025 23:47

That's terrible. I was in a very abusive relationship with my DCs father. I wasn't working at the time because of my mental health, and I ended up in a situation where we were effectively homeless, sleeping on relatives couches. I couldn't get a flat with my low income and poor credit and I asked him to get a place with us.

He said no, and it was in that moment that I finally saw him and the relationship for what it was. He didn't really love us... all he wanted was to play power games with me. That was the relationship. I walked away from it and never looked back. We are settled now in a secure tenancy and life is just so much more peaceful. I am getting over my PTSD. I am much happier than I was. I can't believe I let that man ruin my life for so long.

Harrriet · 09/09/2025 23:49

My mum died and he didn't say anything.

Original poster
LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:51

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 09/09/2025 23:42

Wow great stories! Is this the same guy or two different ones?!

God no! 2 different guys! The first one is now actually a pretty eminent marine biologist and I see him doing interviews sometimes on tv and he still acts like a massive knob!

second guy I really thought was the ‘one’ but actually my non wedding, wedding party was one of the best days of my life looking back because all my family and fiends rallied around and were absolutely fantastic. His family left which I understood, his mum was so upset. If he hadn’t left me I would never have known really how many people absolutely love and support me. None of his groomsmen speak to him anymore and it turned out he cheated on his stag do anyway so it was a lucky escape.

if he hadn’t done it I would never have met a man who has completed me. So if I was to see him again I think I’d thank him. 2 of my bridesmaids oversaw him moving his shit out of our house and they did it whilst my moh and I went on my ‘honeymoon’ then when it was done they came for the last week of the holiday (2 weeks in total) I love my girls so much

OP posts:
Original poster
LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:52

OverlyFragrant · 09/09/2025 23:46

He text me from a beach in Brazil letting me know he'd be back in 4 months.
I had no idea he was going. It really showed me how little he cared about me or the relationship.
Long story short, turns out he was shagging a best friend of my sisters. She got pregnant and the baby was due soon, he fled to Brazil to avoid the upcoming shitstorm heading his way.
Friends and family knew, they decided I didn't need to know. I'm still not talking to some over the whole thing.
I just wish I knew a lot sooner. It would have saved me 18 months of wondering why the sudden cold shoulder, lies, mean comments and general shitness from him.

Woah! Thats absolutely insane. I hope you’re doing ok now

OP posts:
Original poster
LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:53

Harrriet · 09/09/2025 23:49

My mum died and he didn't say anything.

Oh that’s awful, I’m glad you’re away from him

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2025 23:56

He told me it was an 8yr old's fault for looking at a flashers dick as she should have averted her eyes instead. It was her fault she was upset as she could have ignored the situation but she chose not to.

We have two DD together 😮

HeartandSeoul · 09/09/2025 23:59

Sorry, nothing of great interest to add, but so just wanted to say I’ve seen your story quite recently on social media, OP! As you say, it went viral (assuming I have the right couple! Are you Welsh?). Glad to hear you are happier.

OverlyFragrant · 10/09/2025 00:01

LavaLaamp · 09/09/2025 23:52

Woah! Thats absolutely insane. I hope you’re doing ok now

Show quote history

I'm doing great. I've done more growing and living in the 4 years without him than the 14 years with him
He on the other hand has become this weird podcaster who talks about "high value women" and how dating is so hard for high value men like him 🤢🤮
He also visits Thailand and Brazil quite frequently for sex tourism so you know what, I'm good thanks.

CharityShopMensGlasses · 10/09/2025 00:01

Our 4 year old daughter (who we suspected had special needs) had a meltdown in a shoe shop. She was sitting on the floor crying not destroying anything or making a big scene. Her towered over us and with a sneer on his face shouted she was an embarrassment. My head just clicked that nope not at all, it is you shouting at our child who is the embarrassment, and I just can't love you.
We're safe now ❤️

Enough4me · 10/09/2025 00:01

He was brilliantly awful (think that's an appropriate oxymoron). Not only did he have an affair, try to gaslight and control me, but he stuffed it up and I worked it out. I found paperwork so he couldn't keep blaming me for anything and found more strength then I knew I had in me to remain composed and go for a fair financial resolution. I learnt my worth.
His affair remains one of the best things he's ever done (from the outcome to me). Tough endings can be great beginnings.

FeistyFrankie · 10/09/2025 00:02

My ex lied to me. We were living abroad, he had to do a visa run. No big deal - but then stood me up the day before, and only admitted as he was heading out the door the next morning that he was off to the border!

This was the final straw. He had a habit of lying and hiding things he didnt like to deal with. I realised he was never going to change, and I deserved better.

Sadly haven't met anyone else yet, but hoping that changes soon.

FeistyFrankie · 10/09/2025 00:02

My ex lied to me. We were living abroad, he had to do a visa run. No big deal - but then stood me up the day before, and only admitted as he was heading out the door the next morning that he was off to the border!

This was the final straw. He had a habit of lying and hiding things he didnt like to deal with. I realised he was never going to change, and I deserved better.

Sadly haven't met anyone else yet, but hoping that changes soon.

nhsmanagersanonymous · 10/09/2025 00:09

I think I’ve seen your story online op.
Three things - firstly what a fuckwit your ex was, secondly what good and loving friends and family you had and thirdly - you looked bloody gorgeous! And all the better for not having said fuckwit hanging round your neck!

nutbrownhare15 · 10/09/2025 00:10

He cancelled a day out I was looking forward to yet again and I just knew I couldn't do it any more. He then met and got engaged to someone abroad he met online really quickly and that did throw me and made me wobble but luckily he went though with it and was married within 6 months. I think we are both happier as a result although it took me a while to get over him. I'm now with lovely DH who always wants to spend quality time together.

Nat6999 · 10/09/2025 00:18

I knew it was over with my exh when he raped me as 6 year old ds slept in the next room 6 feet away. I left him within a week.

Weclomehome · 10/09/2025 00:21

Mine isn't particularly exciting but I was married to a guy who was like my best friend in that when we hung out together we had a great time but he never ever wanted to do anything. I couldn't ever say, "it's x's party on this date" because he would just make up some daft excuse not to come. We once went touring in my parents motorhome and he literally didnt leave the motorhome, I would go and explore and he would sit in playing games on his phone. Eventually I just started doing things without him, going on the holidays that he never wanted to go on, going to parties and days out without him, but I would get really lonely. It would also be embarrassing to always have to give some stupid excuse as to why he wasnt there.The final holiday I went on I actually changed my plans from going travelling around Europe in my parents motorhome to travelling round Scotland, where we live, so that he could at least come meet me on his days off work. I had been travelling round for 4 weeks and hadn't seen him in that time, the day he was due to meet me, 40 minutes from where we live, he made an excuse not to come. That was when I knew we were done. He wasn't a bad guy but we were just very different people who wanted very different things out of life.

BreadInCaptivity · 10/09/2025 00:25

When he bought expensive Christmas gifts for everyone in his family but forgot to get anything (even a token present) for me.

Hammy19 · 10/09/2025 00:41

I bought an ironing board

And he was furious. He sulked for days. All because I had bought this ironing board alone, chosen it alone, brought it back from the supermarket alone. He wasn't happy that I had done all of this all by myself, without any input or help from him.

For context, I was in my 40s and we didn't live together, and his mother did all his ironing for him (I know, I know) he would never have used said ironing board

It was then that I realised just how controlling he had become and that was the end of that

Idontknownowwhat · 10/09/2025 00:53

Hmm. I realised my marriage was over when I begged him to support me to not be in work when our middle child was 1. We were both SE contractors and the plan from him was that I'd be at home with DS until he was in school, because our schedules were both erratic.
I went back to work, doing night shifts. I would get home, and he would hand me DS on the way out the door, I'd stay awake all day, and it ravaged my mental health.
I begged him to allow me to stop, because he refused to pay for childcare, or a cleaner, so I was awake for literal days at a time.
He refused. He spent all of his money on "wants" or his own, but I spent my money on bills and the holiday that he wanted.
I found out I was pregnant and said, actually I'm not doing this anymore. No. I'll work in the day, but you need to help with childcare. He refused. He refused any conversation at all about the pregnancy or anything else.

We had the holiday he wanted, I spent 12 hours on 2 separate flights, teenage DD resting on me, toddler DS on me the whole 2 flights, backache from the pregnancy, whilst he sat on his phone, taking photos and posting about how proud he was of his family.
People I knew actually messaged me to see if I was OK, because whilst he was calling that bi's favourite photo of me, he couldn't see how desperately sad I looked. Really that was when I realised he didn't really see me as a person, just the one who would do all the grunt work for him to then say "Ah! My beautiful family! LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH!!"

SmallestGnome · 10/09/2025 01:00

There had been issues for a while. We didn't even eat together and he never wanted to do anything together as a family. It got to the point where I used to dread his days off or hearing the key in the door. I just didn't want to be in his presence anymore because it just brought me down. Then I found out he had been cheating on me with my brother

OverlyFragrant · 10/09/2025 01:04

SmallestGnome · 10/09/2025 01:00

There had been issues for a while. We didn't even eat together and he never wanted to do anything together as a family. It got to the point where I used to dread his days off or hearing the key in the door. I just didn't want to be in his presence anymore because it just brought me down. Then I found out he had been cheating on me with my brother

With your brother?!
Some people have no morals.

SmallestGnome · 10/09/2025 01:14

OverlyFragrant · 10/09/2025 01:04

With your brother?!
Some people have no morals.

Show quote history

I'm very much over it now and I've moved on and I have a really good life now, but at the time I ended up having a mental breakdown and had to move in with my parents for over a year as I was unsafe to be alone. Now its just one of those "funny" trauma stories that always gets a 😧 reaction

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