Page 6 | What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

LavaLaamp · 2025-09-09T22:41:16+00:00

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday. I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape! I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him. Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now. what about you?

Pigeon66 · 10/09/2025 09:13

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

It's not pathetic, you were conditioned to accept his behaviour. You did amazingly to get out - he is the pathetic one.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 10/09/2025 09:14

He spent all the money we had set aside to fix our car on drugs and alcohol, and then stole the money our 7 year old had saved up to buy a Barbie camper van. He’d done so much shit over the years and I always ended up forgiving him, but that, in lockdown, meant that I was getting the bus to work on covid wards (NHS) and taking our kids to school in the middle of a pandemic in London, when people were dying…and stole from his own child. He still can’t understand why I left him!

HaveIDoneEnough · 10/09/2025 09:16

My DB died tragically and his first thing to say while I was consoling my mother:

So what do you want to do about the kids today.

I needed to be with my family and he made it difficult as he didn't want to be minding his kids while I stayed with them.

Then two months later while I was sobbing over DB, what's wrong with you, there's always something wrong with you. Those words were the end.

DashboardConfession · 10/09/2025 09:16

Mine was that, after a night of chatting to a really lovely lad at uni (we had a mutual friend) I went "home" for the weekend and my boyfriend of 3 years opened his door in dirty boxers and a manky old dressing gown. I'd travelled 100 miles and he couldn't even be arsed to get dressed.

I got through the weekend, dumped him, went back to uni and got together with the lovely lad. That was 21 years ago and we have been married for 15 years.

He was generally a jackass & we'd already broken up once when he developed feelings for an online female friend. I should have blocked him then!

YetanotherNC25 · 10/09/2025 09:18

I ignored about 27 red flags that month for the sake of ‘keeping the peace’. Including being ghosted on our 7 year anniversary.
He’s an awful communicator and assumes the negative whenever I would ask anything. It was so draining to have to tiptoe around a grown man so he wouldn’t get upset, yet still I stayed!
Last straw was when he was due to pick me up to go to a family celebration. He didn’t turn up and ghosted me for days. I finally left. He never gave a shiny shit about me and the penny finally dropped.
Have felt immeasurably better ever since. I pity the next woman who is taken in by his crap. And feel a bit sorry for him now. It was his loss not mine.
What was interesting was the amount of people telling me afterwards that they had no clue what the hell I was doing with him! With a fair amount of very specific reasons for thinking he was a total dickhead. Not one said that whilst we were together.

Thundertoast · 10/09/2025 09:21

CeciliaDuckiePond · 10/09/2025 07:01

My previous LTR ended slowly and, in fairness, not especially painfully - my ex and I had grown apart after about 10 years. He was, probably still is , fundamentally a decent bloke and the mechanics of the parting - selling house etc. were amicable.

There was one moment that crystallised that the relationship was over, however. We were out for a family meal with my parents and sister - my dad's birthday -and I was eating something a bit messy - can't even remember what it was - and got some sauce in my hair. My sister said to me, really disdainfully "You've got food in your hair" and ex just looked at me, matching her sneering tone with his expression. My parents ate on, paying no attention, and in that moment I felt humiliated, really small and alone.

I realised that in a happy relationship, my 'other half' would have said or done something to lighten the mood, made a joke such as 'Trust Cecilia to do that!' or 'Can't take you anywhere, can we?" or even leaned over with a napkin to wipe the food off. It was sitting there with ex and sister's matching expressions of disdain over absolutely nothing that made me realise I was on my own.

This really resonated with me, sod the lot of them. I hope you've found happiness and peace in your life since ❤

Itsanewlife · 10/09/2025 09:22

After twenty years of with holding sex and intimacy (think less than a dozen times in 20 years, endless couples counseling etc), he suggested an 'open marriage' because girls were throwing themselves at him, and he thought he would like to explore... It's the best thing he ever did for me though because I am now with a lovely man and happy as can be!

Rosesanddaffs · 10/09/2025 09:26

When he punched me and clicked his fingers gesturing that I should get lost and he could find someone else just like that.

Funnily enough he’s still single and this was over a decade ago xx

andthat · 10/09/2025 09:29

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

You don’t sound pathetic at all @SpidersAreShitheads

He was an absolute bastard to you.

im sorry for your dads diagnosis and hope he is coping ok. And im delighted that you got out of what was an abusive relationship.

TheGetAlongGang · 10/09/2025 09:30

I was in a really bad relationship

I was 19,pregnant and vulnerable

He controlled every single move I made,every penny I spent and wouldn't allow me to do anything

The red flags had been there at the time but they where my normal as I grew up in a narcissistic household

I gave birth to dd and fell pregnant with ds-he did nothing to help,just took my money,locked me in the house and left us there while screaming In my face about how many men I'd had round

I was starting to want more and my freedom/money back and he knew it-the last straw was when we where watching some TV programme and a sex scene came on

I just thought 'I'm never having sex with him again'

He started acting funny and I couldn't put my finger on why

He walked out one day and it turned out he'd been 'seeing a 14 year old' (raping a 14 year old) and had got her pregnant

He took great amusement in flicking me a pound coin ('that's all the money you'll get out of me bitch') and off he went before dragging me through the courts for access

He spent his 4 hours every other week dragging a 2 and a half year old and an 18 month old to places where he could deal drugs (and the courts allowed it)

He lost interest and stopped showing up but I'm the slag who shags anything that moves and his object almost 29 years on

Oh,and he was right,he never paid a penny more for his kids than that pound

The csa rang him and he told them he was 'never paying a penny to that bitch' and they seemed to just give up and never bothered him again

The 14 year old had the baby and nothing happened-he did end up in prison for dealing drugs

All my fault apparently

giddyingup · 10/09/2025 09:33

Fecking hell some of these ‘straws’ are more like giant logs of oak!

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 10/09/2025 09:34

1st day back at work after the honeymoon.
He was in the RAF, & used to stay with me Fri p.m. to Mon a.m. + 1 night in the week. His journey was 40 minutes if he used his bike, a bit longer if by car.

That Monday, he kissed me goodbye & said "See you Wednesday".
"Aren't you staying here full time now?"
"No, it's a long journey to work."

My journey was 80 minutes.

The scene was set, the alcoholism was unknown to me, & DV came later.

RapunzelHadExtensions · 10/09/2025 09:36

OMG OP it's you!!
I'm sorry but what an absolute QUEEN 👑

He got absolutely rinsed on SM from what I remember, quite right too.

Lovely to hear you're now doing so much better and had a bloody good party.

TheQuirkyMaker · 10/09/2025 09:37

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 09/09/2025 23:42

Wow great stories! Is this the same guy or two different ones?!

10 different guys but great stories!

curious79 · 10/09/2025 09:39

a boyf- lots of issues, cheating on me but never quite caught him red handed so gave him benefit of the doubt. lots of rudeness with gaslighting. Liar. But one night we were out with friends and he told me to f’off and it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. So I said ‘ok I’m f’ing off’. And that was it - never went back. He was distraught but something in me had broken and I shed no tears whatsoever

MilleniumMouse · 10/09/2025 09:51

He had been displaying controlling behaviour for a while, but then it escalated to full-on stalking.

He would know which of my colleagues were in the office with me that day (would drive past my work to see which cars were parked outside).

He would know what I had eaten when he was out the house (I thought he was rummaging through the bin for wrappers, but he would also know if I had made a slice of toast or whatever - no idea how!).

He would go through my bag and read any receipts I had in there, and use the information to unsettle me months down the line - "Well, I know you went into x store and bought a pair of size 14 jeans". When I asked how he knew this, he would say things like "I get told things all the time".

The final straw came when I got back from a business trip, and he started accusing me of having an affair. He said "And who was the owner of that blue audi you were parked up next to? Is he the guy you're sleeping with?". The only way he could have possibly known that was if he had followed me all the way to the hotel I was staying at, 5 hours away. I had deliberately told him the wrong hotel too, so he must have had a tracker put on my car.

My blood ran cold and I ended the relationship that same week.

TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius · 10/09/2025 09:52

Hammy19 · 10/09/2025 00:41

I bought an ironing board

And he was furious. He sulked for days. All because I had bought this ironing board alone, chosen it alone, brought it back from the supermarket alone. He wasn't happy that I had done all of this all by myself, without any input or help from him.

For context, I was in my 40s and we didn't live together, and his mother did all his ironing for him (I know, I know) he would never have used said ironing board

It was then that I realised just how controlling he had become and that was the end of that

So many men are absolute rubbish nowadays. How do they get to this level of total control or even thinking they are entitled to that level of control? WTF is happening to men?

If I asked DH for input over an ironing board, he would thing I'd lost my mind. If my Mum asked my Dad the same, he would think the same.

ILoveWhales · 10/09/2025 09:54

I couldn't take seriously anyone who saw such a shit film three or four times and the sing along version. Absolutely cringeworthy.
Equally, I wouldn't have been cruel to your face about it.

As for mine, I caught two of them cheating. So that was that really.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 10/09/2025 09:54

Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2025 23:56

He told me it was an 8yr old's fault for looking at a flashers dick as she should have averted her eyes instead. It was her fault she was upset as she could have ignored the situation but she chose not to.

We have two DD together 😮

Shocking! That's truly awful. What a cunt.

MaMisled · 10/09/2025 09:56

We returned from the funeral of my precious 35 year old friend. I was terribly upset. DC were due to be dropped back home with us in 15 minutes and ExDH suggested we had time for " a quickie". We parted the next day. Hideous man.

ShortColdandGrey · 10/09/2025 09:56

Nannyfannybanny · 10/09/2025 07:09

He insured me for £100k, (this was 1989 so a huge amount) and tried to poison me.

Bloody hell! I hope the fucker got done for it.

MrBallensWife · 10/09/2025 09:57

After putting up with his controlling,paranoid (he was convinced I was cheating yet I didnt as much as look at another man)and stalking behaviour (he hacked into my phone so could see all calls,texts,location etc),he faked his own disappearance and had hacked into his families FB accounts pretending to be them and was asking me if I had seen him,they were so worried etc when all along it was him I was talking to!.
Then I came home from work after a nightshift and as I walked through the door I caught a glimpse of his big toe as he hid in my daughters Peppa Pig Wendy House under the stairs so he could see what I got up to during the day!
I didn't let on I knew he was there and he was texting me while in the Wendy House saying he was at work!,I went up to bed and not long after he crawled out and opened and closed the front door pretending he'd left work early to come home that day.I knew it was over and asked him to leave so he demanded I drove him to his sisters with his stuff,I just wanted him gone so I agreed but on the way he was beating me round the head,threatened to kick me out the car and drive my car up a wall with my 3year old DD inside and decided he wasn't getting out of the car and to take him back to mine,I did it because I was petrified by this point and wanted to pacify him.I went straight to bed and the next morning when he went to work I packed all his stuff,left it in the garden and went to my sisters for a week.
I had a barrage of abusive texts,he even messaged me pretending to be his teenage daughter,he was seriously tapped in the head.
He met someone 2 weeks later via online dating and I never heard from him again but I often wonder how his new GF is and hope he didn't treat her the way he treated me.

GarlicPint · 10/09/2025 09:57

There have always been that many, @TheSquashyHatofMrGnosspelius, I'm sorry to say. Quite likely even more of them in the past, and worse. The differences are that we can leave now, and that we can share the stories.

MrBallensWife · 10/09/2025 09:59