What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

[LavaLaamp]

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

He insured me for £100k, (this was 1989 so a huge amount) and tried to poison me.

When I caught him snogging the OW.

I remember reading your story, op, so glad it all worked out in the end and you're happy now!

Blimey, some of you have really been through it. Thank you for sharing. I feel almost unworthy with my tawdry tale of fundamental incompatibility ... The entire 'relationship' was That Moment but, for some reason, I plugged away at it. (The sex was great. Never let your fanjo make your decisions!) I nearly called it off the night before, but he came to see me and just sort of sat there looking really anxious. I thought he must care after all 🙄

The wedding day was fabulous. We'd planned the whole thing as a big, relaxed party, all our friends contributed something - not money, elements of the party - and the atmosphere was wonderful. Nobody noticed the happy groom insulting my outfit as I arrived at the altar, the best man's entertaining speech revealing a crime (fraud) XH had committed in the past, or him telling me to fuck off when I fetched him for the first dance. Well, I suppose one of his colleagues heard, but she wasn't bothered as she was sitting on his lap with her tits in his face.

I thought of asking my parents to take me home with them. Instead, I put my already well-worn best foot forward and really tried to have a normal, happy marriage with the weird fucker. That Moment's final moment came a stressed, anxious year later when he was raging on at me yet again for nothing in particular (just not being who he wished I was, I suppose) and the back of mind said very, clearly and calmly, "I don't like him. This is over."

It wasn't quite over, as I had to manipulate him into divorcing me. There was no way he'd accept any fault - this was when you still had to demonstrate unreasonable behaviour - so I stopped trying to be nice and just let him get more and more pissed off until he cracked. Then I promptly signed his ridiculous litany of complaints about me, which I guessed the more permanent of his other women had written, as it contained long words and he didn't know any.

I'd love to end this with a tale of glorious fulfilment post divorce, but the fact is he broke me. Or, more honestly, I broke myself by sinking all my strength and optimism into a hopeless mistake. I know many of us do this - and I spend quite a bit of time trying to dissuade other women from similar!

The best thing that came out of it for me was that I started serious therapy. You know, they say "There's something wrong with you, you need help." So you find a therapist, you tell her there's something wrong with you, then you find out the wrong thing is that people way, way back in your history made you feel like you deserve to be disrespected and ranted at and you had never realised they'd made you into the kind of optimistic sucker those weird guys can see coming from a far distance. So you start fixing that instead of the shitty marriage.

My message to anyone who's managed to read to the end of this post is: listen to the voice at the back of your mind, take no shit, and don't let your vagina make commitments for you!

He shouted at a cleaner in a Morrisons cafe for not wiping the tables quicker.. It was at this moment I realised not only did I not love him I actually hated him and was embarrassed to be seen with him in public.

Realising how money orientated he was.

On holiday I heard him talking to our DC about my parents inheritance when they died (they weren't even close!). When I asked him why he thought it was appropriate he said that he hoped we (we?!!) would help out his grown up offspring (my Stepchildren) financially when my DP's died. The same DSC who incidentally I had paid for a holiday for the year before and didn't get a thank you from and one who wrecked a car I bought him. The answer was no and there and then I decided I needed to divorce him before he controlled even more of my finances in the future. I am now happily de-married! I know the thing that eats my EH away is the fact he wont benefit from me financially ever again.

I somewhat speak to both of them, though I didn't for a long time. I was in therapy for years afterwards but it's been 7 years now so I've very much healed.

Asking him to please not tailgate, it was dark and pouring with rain, and his response, 'you know the more you moan, the more I'm going to do it' it wasn't the worst thing he said or did but really was the final straw.

WTF!!

He had been an arse for such a long time I took my engagement ring off. A friend, asked where was it, and I said I would put it back on when he started behaving, again, like the husband I married again.

Trying to bring me back into my senses, she said I needed to be fair and what would I feel if somebody came and told me he was having an affair?

The first thought that came to my mind was: Great, at least he would leave me alone for a while!

I started putting my ducks in a row on the same day.

No actual drama. The light bulb moment was when truing to choose a valentine card and I found myself looking for one that had no romantic or loving words. The penny dropped and I ended our 7 month marriage that night.

He left me alone at 39 weeks pregnant to go to a Hogmanay party with his best friend. He didn’t come home for 2 days by which time our DS had been born (days before mobiles). Found out he had been with a random woman he met at said party.

You win! OMG I hope that you are OK and that he is in prison.

When I saw my 4yo daughter cowering in the corner crying with her hands over her ears and a look of terror on her face while he was attacking me. He'd done it before but she'd never witnessed it and it was at that moment that I realised I absolutely had to get out of there. I still think about it now, 15 years later and I just hope she doesn't remember.

A micro expression or one they think you didn't see tells you more than words do. It's how they really feel.

A few years ago I was telling a friend there was no way of salvaging my relationship. I thought he was my soul mate and loved him very much. It was heart breaking to realise it wasn't meant to be.

I don't know if she was aware of it or not but the corners of her mouth curled up and she smiled. For that brief moment I saw how my loss pleased her.

Schadenfreude. Once seen never forgotten. Our friendship died with that smirk.

Well done though. You may have saved that little lad's life down the line.

What the actual hell? Did he go to prison?

My first relationship after coming out of a 20 yr marriage - still fairly recent, vcertainly not living together or anything like that - we were on a special day out with my 16 yr old daughter and he snapped at me for having a very brief chat about something completely innocuous to do with her dad’s new house with her. He shouted something like - Do you think I really want to hear anything about your ex?

She just held and gently squeezed my hand under the table. She didn’t have to say anything, that gesture said it all. Bless my darling daughter - I ended the relationship that day. My daughter remains one of the wisest people in my life.

I had been unhappily married for years and stayed because of the kids, nowhere to go, the usual story. He was abusive financially and sexually and he was a gambling addict. He was also a liar and a cheat. Along with this he was strangely needy, like whatever you did for him or tried to show affection for him, it was never enough.

Like another PP on this thread, I'd had a not great upbringing and I just thought for years this was what marriage was like. He used to bully me quite a bit and I used to get scared. Then one day and I still don't really understand what happened, he was doing his usual threatening stuff and I suddenly saw him with fresh eyes and saw how truly pathetic he was. I remember I calmly said 'you don't frighten me any more, I am free of you' He looked a bit nonplussed and said slyly 'well maybe you should be frightened' and I said 'too late, I'm free!!'.

It sounds so silly really, and a bit of a non event but from that moment I planned my divorce. In the end, he went quite quietly. I think maybe he fed off my fear of him and had nowhere to go once I stood up to him.

I can't believe now that I wasted so much time on him. I even feel a bit sorry for him (and me) because he's totally inadequate. But I guess that's what all bullies are really - inadequate and needy.

Love this 😀 ❤️

When my dear sweet grandma died and I had to cry and beg on my knees for him to look after his own 1 year old son so I can go to funeral.

we were in a pub with friends and he started slagging off his supposed best friend who had just qualified as a teacher, the bitter twisted look on his face and clear jealousy of their lifestyle was awful as he thought he was intellectually superior with his 2 A levels. I took off my wedding ring went home and put all his stuff on the doorstep, never spoke to him again. I sort of knew he was a nasty mummys boy twat thinking he was superior to others but this wwas pure sneering evil.

I got out when the bad times were more than the good times. He was a hard to understand bloke. He upset me and I left him

I remember your story from when it went viral! Lovely to hear all the behind the scenes bits about your friends rallying around you, and you and your MOH enjoying the honeymoon together ❤️ sounds like you’re doing really well!

I had a “coven party” on my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s birthday weekend recently. Friends came from across the country for cuddles and crémant. It was wonderful to feel so loved after the year I’ve had, so can completely relate to that feeling!

For me, I knew it was over when I checked my husband’s phone in the middle of the night, after months of cold shoulder, eggshells, and not being able to do anything right in his eyes. A message from a long-distance colleague said “when we were masturbating the other day, and you said [xyz], that was so hawt, I almost came”.

LOVELY STUFF.

She also said “who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend”, which was charming. In fact there were lots of highly incriminating messages that made me realise:
a) None of the last 9 months had been my fault and
b) There was absolutely no going back.

However, when I should’ve known it was over was after I went to our youngest baby’s 12 month Health Visitor appointment. There’s a maternal mental health questionnaire at the end, and I ended up crying all over the health visitor. I came home and plucked up the courage to tell my husband I’d been scored as having anxiety and depression. His reaction? He shrugged and walked away.

It’s been a really shit time, but good friends and stories like yours show you how loved we really are, and give me hope for the future. Thank you for your vulnerability in letting it go viral, that was a very brave thing to do. Respect! ❤️

Our DD is in a very abusive relationship. It's heart-breaking watching her so desperate for a low-life who does nothing but abuse her over and over again. Reading these gives me some hope that eventually she'll come out of it.