Page 3 | What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

LavaLaamp · 2025-09-09T22:41:16+00:00

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday. I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape! I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him. Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now. what about you?

Wallywobbles · 10/09/2025 05:37

I went to see a lawyer when he said he wanted to have our 2 & 3 yo DD put into care during a fight. We were divorced pretty soon afterwards.
It took a good decade but he lost parental responsibility.

Zanatdy · 10/09/2025 05:40

I saw your story online too. Glad life has worked out well for you. What great friends you have.

stayathomer · 10/09/2025 05:43

Don’t know if it’s over yet but it was a simple look, like he was disappointed because I couldn’t figure something out. He knows my mind better than anyone and would have laughed before (with me) and explained. It had happened a number of times before that but this was the saddest one.

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 10/09/2025 05:47

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

No, you don’t sound pathetic at all. I left my ex when he threatened to kill my cats. He’d been threatening and physically hurting me for years, but when he threatened the cats? It literally opened my eyes and I noped out of there within 3 days. It literally made me see I’d done nothing wrong and this was on him.

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 05:48

Harrriet · 09/09/2025 23:49

My mum died and he didn't say anything.

wtf!!!

I’m so sorry that happened you 😔

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 05:49

Pixiedust1234 · 09/09/2025 23:56

He told me it was an 8yr old's fault for looking at a flashers dick as she should have averted her eyes instead. It was her fault she was upset as she could have ignored the situation but she chose not to.

We have two DD together 😮

What was/is wrong with him?!?

mejustmenothingtobe · 10/09/2025 05:51

When he launched himself across the room and pinned my15-year-old son to the sofa and threatened him. There is no coming back from that one.

Muffinmam · 10/09/2025 05:54

SmallestGnome · 10/09/2025 01:14

I'm very much over it now and I've moved on and I have a really good life now, but at the time I ended up having a mental breakdown and had to move in with my parents for over a year as I was unsafe to be alone. Now its just one of those "funny" trauma stories that always gets a 😧 reaction

Show quote history

Do you still have a relationship with your brother??

MoonEmu · 10/09/2025 05:58

Wow you are all so much better off. Men are awful, just awful.

sesquipedalian · 10/09/2025 06:07

I put up with far too much for far too long, including DV, but the actual final straw was the day I’d gone out early and left him in charge of the kids, and when I came home at 1.15pm he was still in bed. I remember thinking in that moment that he didn’t give a fig for any of us - things were difficult between him and me and I’d tried to stick it out for the kids’ sake, but if he wasn’t even bothered about them, enough. The divorce was awful - luckily I met someone else and we saw each other through our divorces before going our separate ways. I then met the man who I’ve been with for over 20 years - he is a dear and lovely DH , gentle and utterly reliable so pretty much the opposite of ex-DH. I think I’m very lucky.

cantthinkofanythingelse · 10/09/2025 06:09

We were both self employed but his work dried up suddenly. Rather than look for anything else, he let me take another full time job working nights, it ruined my health. He didn’t do anything much during the day either, maybe washed the car or mowed the lawn but left all the housework, cooking and childcare to either me or my DM who stepped up to help. This went on for about 2 years, although we are still married, we lead separate lives as I’ve never really forgiven him

PenelopeChipShop · 10/09/2025 06:13

What amazing stories, I’m glad you’re all out of these awful relationships!

It wasn’t so dramatic for me but what jumps out is being at a wedding with our toddler son (I was also newly pregnant) and crying when I listened to the couple saying their vows because it hit me that even though we hadn’t been married long ourselves, we weren’t happy. I hid my tears but really noticed my ex-DH’s behaviour at the wedding and he just wasn’t interested in me. No talking, dancing, no looking after our son, anyone observing probably wouldn’t even have realised we were together.

Not long after that we were walking home from somewhere and I realised he was walking miles ahead of me - I felt so irrelevant to him. We actually stayed together until my daughter was born but it turned out he was cheating and he left when she was a baby.

Conniebygaslight · 10/09/2025 06:26

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

You don’t sound pathetic OP, you sound abused.

Rubinia · 10/09/2025 06:26

Nat6999 · 10/09/2025 00:18

I knew it was over with my exh when he raped me as 6 year old ds slept in the next room 6 feet away. I left him within a week.

I’m so glad you got away.

Chicaontour · 10/09/2025 06:27

SpidersAreShitheads · 10/09/2025 03:15

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

@SpidersAreShitheads you dont aound pathetic at all, you were in an abusive relationship. Sending love to you and your father .

Conniebygaslight · 10/09/2025 06:28

KawasakiBabe · 10/09/2025 03:41

I was in an abusive relationship. We shared a car at the time, he was getting ready for work, I was going to drop him off and have the car for the day. I was tidying up and asked him if he wanted to keep a magazine, he said yes and I threw it down, not in a bad way, it landed properly, he shouted at me. It was like a switch clicked in my head, it was over just like that. After years of abuse that I’d put up with, a non-event broke it. I just walked out the front door. He drove to work, I walked to his office, picked the car up, took it home (it was my house and we weren’t married)), I put all his stuff in the car and drove it back to his office and parked it in the same spot, when he came out of work and got in the car, his stuff was all there in bin bags. Best fucking day of my life!!

This gives me hope for my DD.

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/09/2025 06:32

I knew it was over a few years before but when he tried to strangle me and said, ‘You’re going to die tonight’, that was truly the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Globules · 10/09/2025 06:38

He finished off my bottle of champagne without asking.

It was the lightbulb moment of realising how selfish he'd become, and how his wants would always trump our children's and I.

20+ years of marriage and that was the palpable moment I stopped loving him.

OneCleverPinkFawn · 10/09/2025 06:39

It was years ago and probably super silly, but I got a bunch of balloons with little notes for his birthdays and told him there were these little notes and he could read them once the balloons go off. A few days after that he took a bunch of these balloons to his workplace because it was a collegues' birthday and he "needed to show up with something" and he forgot about the notes.

We broke up in a month or so for unrelated reasons and about a year after a learnt that he started seeing this said coworker. There was no overlap with me from what I understood, but this got me wondering if she saw these notes and thought they were for her (there were just wishes and compliments, nothing that would mention his name, actually).

AndSoFinally · 10/09/2025 06:50

I was having a really tricky time at work with another team, and he took their side.

even if I’d been completely in the wrong (I wasn’t) I just suddenly knew we were no longer on the same side and he wouldn’t have my back

Jaffapedigree · 10/09/2025 06:51

I've broken up with my now ex after over twenty years, because he's decided that he wants to be a woman. He's known this about himself for years, possibly decades, but never thought to tell me any earlier so that I could make a decision on my own future. But, he dosn't act very womanly. Has punched doors when in a temper. Our mutual friends never saw that side of him, so they all think he's golden. Once we're living separately, I'll probably lose friends because they'll all be about supporting him to be his "authentic self", but only a couple have reached out to me to ask me how I'm feeling.

ChaToilLeam · 10/09/2025 06:57

We moved house twice and on both occasions he didn't bother to take time off and left me to handle it with the help of friends. The last time he came back from work when it was all
done, house full of boxes and nowhere yet to sleep, and then announced that we were going to a friend's party.

I told him no way, that we needed to make sure we had a bed to sleep on that night and to unpack some kitchen stuff. So on that first night in our new home, I spent the evening on my own while he went to the party. It limped on for a while but that was the night it was over for me. Once again he was a selfish manchild and I had to be the adult. It wore me down so much.

JenXWarrior · 10/09/2025 06:58

We'd been together 6yrs, not married or living together. Our last 'date' was less than 15mins. He stayed in his car with the engine running. I was leaning over to talk to him through the window. I looked like a hooker negotiating a price. Somehow he thought that was acceptable. He cried when I ended it. I didn't.

Another 'D'P and I booked a week off work together. Just beforehand he announced he was going on holiday instead. He went to Spain with 26 girls for a piss up and left me here. He was the only bloke and was genuinely baffled when I ended the relationship.

If I need to explain what's wrong with that then we aren't even reading the same book, never mind on the same page.

CeciliaDuckiePond · 10/09/2025 07:01

My previous LTR ended slowly and, in fairness, not especially painfully - my ex and I had grown apart after about 10 years. He was, probably still is , fundamentally a decent bloke and the mechanics of the parting - selling house etc. were amicable.

There was one moment that crystallised that the relationship was over, however. We were out for a family meal with my parents and sister - my dad's birthday -and I was eating something a bit messy - can't even remember what it was - and got some sauce in my hair. My sister said to me, really disdainfully "You've got food in your hair" and ex just looked at me, matching her sneering tone with his expression. My parents ate on, paying no attention, and in that moment I felt humiliated, really small and alone.

I realised that in a happy relationship, my 'other half' would have said or done something to lighten the mood, made a joke such as 'Trust Cecilia to do that!' or 'Can't take you anywhere, can we?" or even leaned over with a napkin to wipe the food off. It was sitting there with ex and sister's matching expressions of disdain over absolutely nothing that made me realise I was on my own.

SparklyGlitterballs · 10/09/2025 07:06

My marriage always been bad. He was a very selfish man. Lots of emotional and financial abuse. I should have left years before I did, but usual story of no money, nowhere to go, two young kids etc. It ramped up when our two DDs got into their teens and began answering him back. He thought he could boss them about and demand (never ask politely) they do the domestic chores he wasn't prepared to do himself. One day me and DDs were in the kitchen, keeping out of his way, playing with the dog. I threw a really soft ball for the dog and it accidentally hit 'H' arm. No way it would have hurt as it was small and filled with foam. He went mental and launched the can of coke at me that he'd just got out of the fridge, just narrowly missing my head. He'd also been upping the verbal abuse to DDs, telling them to "fuck off out of it". I had received a redundancy payment from leaving my job of 30yrs so me and the DDs started secretly looking for a rental place. He was pretty gobsmacked the day we left as he had no idea it was happening.