What was the moment you knew your marriage / relationship was over? The straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak

[LavaLaamp]

For me it was after he’d repeatedly told me that mama Mia in the cinema was a total joke and the fact I wanted to see it with my mum was pathetic, he refused to see it with me and took the piss repeatedly for weeks. I ignored him and went with my mum, aunt and cousin and had an absolutely brilliant time. Then the week after we went for the 2nd or 3rd time (sing along obviously) with more piss taking from boyfriend (not light hearted) it was my birthday and we had plans for my birthday.

I had a huge party which he didn’t turn up for and when I asked him why he wasn’t there he said he’d taken his co worker to go see mama Mia as she really wanted to go. I realised I would never be a priority in his life and dumped him, he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later, lucky escape!

I was also ‘left at the alter’ on my wedding day- I found out about an hour before that he wasn’t to be found anywhere, I was in my dress, hair and makeup done etc. his mum told my moh that they didn’t know where he was but he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding, so I asked my moh and bridesmaid to tell everyone that the wedding wouldn’t be going ahead but everyone was welcome to come and enjoy the reception because we’d already paid for it all so we had a fab day with lots of tears and laughter at what should have been my wedding day! All his groomsmen stayed to be with me, his best man was incredible It went viral and he did apologise and ask to come back but I said no. 4 years on and I’m married to my soul mate and my ex is single and none of his friends speak to him.

Im so grateful that he did that because I’m so happy now.

what about you?

I googled "high profile marine biologist uk" and it came back with David Attenborough...is it him?

So sorry to hear that . His silence on that matter told you volumes about his limitations as a human being . Perfect strangers hearts on here going out to you. Your mum has your back in heaven as she did on earth .

So many things so many, but mainly he never ever gives me a hug it's awful, and he goads me in to a row and then films me, it's been going on for years and I can't do it anymore, we are currently separating and he is being so awful about it

Anyone referring to themselves as high value and seeking high value sound ridiculous!

Was he agoraphobic? Needed therapy

What a twat! How did he react to being dumped?

And you’re absolutely on the money, so many men use women’s labour to present a family man image to the world.

Some sad stories on here, but also with a silver lining because you’ve gotten away from those POSs - single life is better than abuse - which comes in many forms .
Feel sad to think of women / or men / stuck in sad abusive relationships.sad for the kids too.

Did he not show up to the wedding because he was gay?

"he married his co worker and then cheated on her with his male colleague 3 years later."

Could we get more on this, please?

Sounds like he had anxiety

I had been married for 20 years and had 3 dc together. I had been unhappy for a long time as he was a champion sulker, controlling, emotionally abusive, occasionally physically aggressive towards objects when he was in a mood, self-centered with his time and money. I know, what a catch. Things started coming to a head while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, who threatened to be born at 33 weeks (she managed to hold on until 37 weeks) and I spent a couple of days on bedrest in hospital while I got steroid injections etc. When I came home, I realised that he couldn't give less of a shit about my wellbeing or that of the baby, expecting me to do everything around the house and for our 2 existing kids, and making pointed comments when I sat down to take a break. The final straw was not a big deal compared to the rest of his narcissistic behaviour, but was the final straw nonetheless. It came when dd was a newborn and we were in a coffee shop. DS1 was 2 and a half and was starting to get up from the table and run around. Exdh started having a massive go at me, saying "YOU need to get YOUR child under control" without lifting a finger to help. I felt so humiliated because I could see the people at the next table exchanging pitying looks throughout his rant. I finally realized that he knew he was humiliating me, he just didn't care. That was when I started making serious plans to leave. 5 years out, and have not regretted it for a single second. My house is a place of calm and I have my autonomy back.

Amazing stories on here including the OPs! .

After 7 years with my ex with a lot of guilt tripping, stonewalling, tying myself up like a pretzel to be who he wanted me to be, I finally realised the idea of staying with him felt like a slow death. One of the last straws was when I left him alone at my friends wedding to dance with some female friends and he didn't speak to me for a month. When he finally did he told me I'd abandoned him around a bunch of people he didn't know. Those people were my best friends and he'd been with me for 7 years... he'd just never ever made any effort. That night I left him in the hotel room and danced til 5am, knowing id have the silent treatment for weeks ahead but I suddenly didn't care. We patched up after that wedding but I became quite unwell with stomach issues from the stress. One day I was sitting in the sun and it occurred to me I could just break up with him and I swear it was like a bag had been taken off my head and I could suddenly see the world around me again. I never looked back once he was gone. Met my husband a few months later and pregnant not long after. I always joke it was when broodiness hit that I subconsciously realised my ex wasn't good father material and that's when things fell apart 😄 the truth is probably more than he was moderately emotionally abusive and I was blindly loyal.

Didn't you brother have boundaries and know it would hurt you? Do you still speak to him?

The state of our relationship made me cry uncontrollably in public on a ‘romantic’ holiday in Greece. We both knew there was no going back.

When he was going absolutely mad at me over something minor again and our ds who was 4 didn’t bat an eye at it. I realised it was not okay for my son to be okay in the presence of that type of behaviour and got out a few weeks later. So much happier now I have 2 more dc, a lovely dh and a calm and peaceful home

Same for me.

I was with an angry, controlling man.

He’d gone to Italy with his brother to help him move house and was away for about 5 days. I’d suggested that while he was away I could rip up the old, dirty carpet (we’d just moved into a new home) and start laying a laminate floor. During that time, I also had to take my dad for a hospital appointment.

During the hospital appointment we found out that my dad had Huntington’s disease, a degenerative, genetic, hereditary condition. My dad was only early 60s. It also meant I might get it. I was broken. My ex rang me while he was away and I told him - all he said was we’ll talk about it when I get back.

I still did the floor even though I was distraught but I ran out of time to get all the furniture properly back in position. It was all in the room but just not quite in position properly. I was knackered and thought I’d have plenty of time to straighten up after work before he got home.

He got an earlier flight and went straight home without telling me. First thing I knew was when I got a phone call from him while I was at work telling me he was so angry with me that he couldn’t even speak. I made my excuses at work and went home. I felt sick to my stomach, I thought I was going to vomit because I knew what he would be like. It took me maybe 15 minutes tops to plug the TV in properly and get the furniture straight. He was LIVID. Never said a word to me the whole time, just fumed. Then I had to go back to work. And I was just there trying not to cry and feeling sick with anxiety, hoping I’d be forgiven.

I know it’s a nuisance coming home to a scruffy house but he was the one who’d come home early and there was good reason for things being a bit messy! It would have been tidy if he’d flown home as planned - but in his mind, everything was my fault. Even now, years later, I can feel myself trying to justify here why I hadn’t managed to get things tidied in time, and still feeling as if I’d done a terrible thing!

He never said how good the new flooring looked. And he never talked to me about my dad’s diagnosis or the implications for me.

And then, three days later he threw a cushion really viciously at the cat for no reason. Our cat was a rescue and really anxious. So, ridiculous how it might sound, that was the final straw. Not the times he’d turned furniture over in a rage, left me stranded in a strange place with no money or car, thrown the cat litter tray across the room, pretended to dump me to make me cry and then laughed saying it was a joke. Not the times he’d wouldn’t let me see or speak to my family if he was home. Not the many many times he’d get angry if he saw me “too happy”. I could go on. I put up with so much it changed me irrevocably- but when I saw him chuck the pillow at the cat, hot on the heels of the Italy escapade, I just thought “enough”.

I’m aware I sound truly pathetic.

When my 6 year old stepson, his son, disclosed to me he was being sexually abused at night by his other son, 10, and he and his first ExW did nothing, not even moving them into separate bedrooms because 'we don't know who's telling the truth'. I'd even secretly recorded the disclosure on my phone. Was working as a child protection police officer at the time.
He'd disclosed to me because I'd walked in on something not sitting right when they were on the sofa, so he was also doubting me.
I knew I could never have a child with him then. I knew he and his awful ExW would do whatever it took for an easy life.

So I left. But not before reporting to school and social services. That didn't go down well.

I think about that lad every day and I miss them all.

I was in an abusive relationship. We shared a car at the time, he was getting ready for work, I was going to drop him off and have the car for the day. I was tidying up and asked him if he wanted to keep a magazine, he said yes and I threw it down, not in a bad way, it landed properly, he shouted at me. It was like a switch clicked in my head, it was over just like that. After years of abuse that I’d put up with, a non-event broke it. I just walked out the front door. He drove to work, I walked to his office, picked the car up, took it home (it was my house and we weren’t married)), I put all his stuff in the car and drove it back to his office and parked it in the same spot, when he came out of work and got in the car, his stuff was all there in bin bags. Best fucking day of my life!!

Wow good for you - I think I recall seeing the images that went viral ❤️.

For me, in my early 20s having been with my BF (11yrs my senior) for 2 years or so by then, I finally had the courage to ask: Where is this relationship going?
His response: I don't envisage myself as marrying you or being the mother of my children.

So I broke it off with him pretty swiftly and left the house we rented together, but he did say to me a couple of weeks later: If you'd have waited, you would have got what you wanted!

No mate, that was not our future.

I have seen the video about the groom not turning up and you carrying on with the party. What an absolute a**e
how anyone could do that is beyond me

He booked a tour around Europe without me. He only told me when he was preparing to leave. I asked him why he never asked me to come and he said “[my real name] you don't have any money” and looked at me with pathetic sympathy. I had been paying for all our dates because he said he didn’t make much money (which was a complete lie he made almost double my salary).

I had a good job, I had savings and I could have got a very large payout from my job (he waited until the voluntary redundancy period expired). I lost out on over $40k (which was a lot at the time).

I quit my job anyway and found a new job. He went overseas and set his Facebook so I couldn’t see anything be did. I found a recent friend he added on Facebook and through her profile I found pictures of them cuddled up together wearing togas. He had deliberately restricted my access to Facebook. I asked him if he cheated on me and he said “I haven’t cheated yet…” and went on to blame me for not having sex (one time when I was on my period).

I assumed we were broken up. I was in a dressing room to buy a new outfit for a date with a new guy and he phoned me like the last conversation never happened and mentioned the time his flight landed. He wanted me to pick him up from the airport!! He lived not far from the airport - a taxi was so cheap - but this stingy POS wanted me to drive out to the airport, park, wait for him to clear customs, pick him up and pay for parking and drive him home. I lived further away than him and a lot further away from the international airport.

I just hung up the phone.

After the breakup I had so much extra money because I wasn’t paying for him every time we went out.

I regret all of the time I wasted on loser men.

Also, I remember watching a video of your story online. That guy really did you dirty. I’m glad you moved on and are happy now.

After many violent verbal emotional outbursts, he called me a cunt, and said he 'was going to knife me'. Severe mental health problems on this occasion, were not possible to ignore or forgive. I ended it that day. You can't fix everything, or sometimes anything, and I'm one million times happier on my own.

The moment I knew was when I was pregnant with our second child and caught a virus which I passed on to our toddler. We were both running a fever and vomiting. He'd arranged to go play squash with a friend. I begged him not to go, to stay and look after us, but he said, "It's only an hour." Of course it wasn't only an hour, and of course he wasn't playing squash with a friend, but it was years later that I finally twigged I'd married a serial cheater. What I realised in the moment was that he didn't care enough about me or the kids to ever put us first.

Unfortunately, because of the kids, I stayed with him for another ten years. What a waste of time.

He got angry with me because I wanted my daughter to come to the funeral directors to arrange my mums funeral with me instead of him. He packed his belongings and moved back to his mum’s four days after my mum died. There was no way back from that. The one time everything wasn’t revolving around him!!

You sound incredible - you left in the end and that’s hard to do. Well done. Really hope you’re ok now @SpidersAreShitheads