So lonely even DD and DH don't understand me.

[Thevegetarianchef]

So after a lifetime of anxiety and bouts of depression I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and autistic traits.
This has been helpful with regard to work relationships.
Not so much my home life.At the weekend we met up with DD who left home nearly ten yrs ago.She lives hundreds of miles away so we see each other every few months.
We had all gone shopping not DHS favourite past time and were grabbing a coffee or going back.
They wanted coffee in a cosy cramped hot cafe.
I wasn't so sure.Off DD stomped and I know she gets handgry as this has happened before.
DH ran after her. We settled on good old Mand S which was spacious.
Am I unreasonable to expect anyone in my own family to realise I struggle and have always with cramped spaces or to find out about my diagnosis as DH said I Keep going on about it.I have linked articles for him to read to understand.
I feel so lonely and misunderstood and isolated already.

Macaroni46 the shopping was an indoor activity DD and myself wanted to do.
DH and I rarely ever shop and my issues with public transport mean it's difficult for me.
It was one morning.We were away.
He agreed.
The fact he told me he was the one to stomp away and DD followed makes me realise he has real communication issues.
Perhaps after 39 years he is sick to death of compromise.

The fact he told me he was the one to stomp away and DD followed makes me realise he has real communication issues.
That makes no sense.
Are you saying he has 'real communication issues' because he didn't tell you he was exhausted and annoyed with your demands and need to control everything?
Would you have listened if they did have that conversation with you?

I mean, this. How exactly would that conversation have gone?

I’m afraid I don’t really understand your point.
He agreed to a morning of shopping that he doesn’t enjoy = a compromise on his part.
He stomped away from the cafe, presumably in frustration, because he was fed up with shopping and wanted a break but the cafe wasn’t right for you. I’d do the same - yes, stomping off isn’t great but if I was feeling worn out from a morning of doing something I don’t enjoy and then get told the cafes not ok, I’d be irritated too.
Sounds like the day wasn’t properly thought through and that neither of you communicate well. Why did he agree to go shopping if he dislikes it? Why couldn’t you compromise on the choice of cafe?

So do you not ever do public transport? Do you drive or reliant on dh, I couldnt remember so when back through thread and saw this I may have traits and not be diagnosed.I am officially severe ADHD though.
Have you been diagnosed by a clinician as autistic @Thevegetarianchef ?

When I was assessed for ADHD I was told I had traits so last month I got reffered for an assessment.
I drove for 35 yrs until menopause gave me severe anxiety.