Strange interaction at work and no one else sees the issue?

[Teachnomore]

This happened today and I need to share. I manage a team of 12 and don’t work Friday’s. I came in today to an email from my senior/deputy about something which happened between two colleagues on Friday - without getting into details, there was an argument in front of the team and it was unprofessional.

I booked time in with each individual separately today to discuss what happened.

When I walked into the meeting room with one of the colleagues (male), he rushed up to the table, pretended to bend over and said let’s get this over with. Then stopped, pretended to take his belt off and laughed hysterically. I just told him to sit down and he said he thought what he suggested would be a quicker punishment, again laughing.

Now, am I being a bit of a killjoy here or is that really inappropriate? I told my manager what happened, who basically shrugged his shoulders and said that is just what that colleague is like. My DP found it hilarious when I told him and thinks I’ve had a sense of humour failure..

I just found it awkward and a bit rude given the circumstances.

It made you feel uncomfortable.
It’s unlikely he would have done it to a male manager.
It’s highly unlikely a female employee would do this in a similar situation.

I’d follow whatever the disciplinary procedure is. If it’s “just how he is”, he needs to change “how he is”.

There is a difference between consensual banter - a kind of shared language in a team - and what OP was subjected to. That has never been OK.

This wasn’t a game of office cricket. This was a professional interaction between a manager and a junior member of staff-potentially a disciplinary. Surely you can see the difference?

Some of the older people on here are making the older generation look like a bunch of pick-me's. I assure those of you who are younger that this kind of behaviour was never acceptable to many of us. What's worse, is that these pick-me's are trying to say that just because they found it acceptable that OP should too.

When I was younger I often wished that the older women in the work place were more supportive when you faced such issues. They made it easier for people to get away with disgusting behaviour. I was hoping that things had changed. It appears not.

This needs to be recorded on his HR file and at least a verbal warning. Don't under-estimate the importance of nipping this in the bud and recording it in writing in the right way. Not just the fact it was inappropriate but also the fact that he wanted to make light of a serious incident at work. He obviously has some impulsivity issues and struggles when things take a serious turn. Some people simply cannot handle serious stuff and do stupid things like this. Considering the poor judgement and impulsivity I would suspect t something else may crop up in the future. Further down the line if anything else goes wrong you will be glad you did.

Actually he probably would

You can't see the difference between what you've described and what happened with the OP???

She is his manager. What he did was incredibly disrespectful. It’s not a generational thing. I am late 50s

It’s being a disrespectful idiot who does not know how to behave in a professional environment.

What might he be doing / saying to junior women if he’s like this with his manager?

How did it go with the other colleague? Let me guess, he was wildly out of order with her too?

Take it seriously, he's probably always been a sexist dick.

Same, I'm confused too.

So I think we can all guess who the main antagonist in that argument was then?

I hope you've reported this, it's absolutely ridiculous and inappropriate behaviour.

Unfortunately in many workplaces it was acceptable. Women with a long work history who didn't experience it are fortunate, but there are those of us who did. We are not lying. Our experiences are important, as its the push back against them that has resulted in the better protection we have today.

Which is exactly how these men get away with it. His behaviour was highly inappropriate, disrespectful and demeaning. It was designed to minimise his original behaviour and avoid the investigation and review process. It needs to be addressed strongly and clearly. I’m a woman in my 50s and am frankly too old to be putting up with this shit in the workplace.

He was suggesting that she give him the belt which was a form of punishment at school in days gone by. Teacher or headmaster would take his belt off and hit the misbehaving child with it.

Totally unacceptable and inappropriate.

This is what HR are for. I ‘am HR’ and would want to know about this and take further action. He needs to know it is unacceptable, inappropriate and verging on sexual harassment/ misconduct.

There is no excusing it because “that’s just what he’s like”. If he’s prepared to behave like this to his manager, what the hell does he do to colleagues / customers?

Take this to HR please.

Omg that's so inappropriate! I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have done that to a male. I'd report him to HR, so it's logged.

Well we dont know if he would joke like that with a man as we dont know him. But yes not acceptable behaviour in the workplace.

Please don’t make it about age. Many of us older women had to deal with so much crap like this from men junior to us, and we did a lot of trail blazing for younger women in management.

Suggesting she hit him with a belt is inappropriate enough, but he could also be alluding to her being his manager and authority figure means he sees her -in this scenario - as the Dominatrix and him Subservient.

There is a difference between arguing that behaviour actually was acceptable in times past, and stating factually that it was accepted.
I can clearly see that the sexism we were forced to tolerate in our early careers was unacceptable. However, that doesn't mean it wasn't accepted within the workplace culture of the time.
Women describing their experiences of sexual harassment being accepted (not acceptable) within the workplace culture are not lying, they are relating history.
It's wrong to deny those experiences and the additional challenges and disadvantage that caused for us, as they are the history that sparked progress.
Women relating these experiences as though they were a positive are problematic, I agree.

Incidentally, I find it hard to believe that anyone genuinely misunderstood the OP. People are so keen to excuse shit behaviour from men they’re prepared to make themselves look dim in the attempt!

HR. If nothing is said, he will do it again. On what planet does he think that is appropriate, in any workplace scenario, never mind a meeting with his manager about his behaviour?!

I would write, on paper, to tell him that unprofessional behaviour like that automatically casts him as the villain of the piece on that Friday, and that he should consider the appropriateness of his humour in a working environment in future

WTAF! That is beyond inappropriate, and I’m stunned anyone thinks this is fine or just laughed at the behaviour.

I would be reporting to HR, it’s completely unacceptable.

Yes, it was completely inappropriate. Does this colleague have form for inappropriate behaviour? I wonder if perhaps he was a little nervous, and decided that being 'humourous', was the way to make the situation less formal. He was there because he'd had an argument with another colleague in front of the entire team - regardless if he was solely to blame for that incident or not, is irrelevant. He was still there to discuss what happened/why/and possibly to be disciplined. It wasn't the correct response, but it does make you wonder how seriously he is taking the incident? Also would he have pulled the same stunt if you'd been male?!! My guess is that he wouldn't.