To tell my high school bully to jog on?!

[whattheheckkk]

Name changed for this one. Really random.

In high school (over 15 years ago) I was subjected to the most atrocious bullying by the same girl. I was pretty well liked overall, never really had a problem with anyone. I wasn't popular, had a little quiet friendship group.
Except this one girl. I did nothing to her, but when we were about 12 she decided she hated me, and she made my life hell. She was racist towards me, she called me fat, she poured a can of Coke into my school bag during PE. She put chewing gum in my hair. She spat on my lunch whilst I was eating it. She stole my blazer and trashed it. Told me to kill myself. She even flicked boiling hot metal from a soldering onto my hands during electronics class. Much more but you get the jist. She had a little possy of friends who all laughed.

My friends always told me to ignore her, but we were all kind of too quiet to say anything to her- she was scary tbh. I never let on to anyone, but she gave me the worst anxiety. I would rush to the toilet to vomit if she looked at me a certain way in the hallways. I'd cry myself to sleep about it. She never had a reason to hate me. I never told my parents or teachers. I don't know why, I don't really have an answer to that.

Anyway. Fast forward. She messaged me 3 days ago. Saying something along the lines of:

Hi. I know this is a really strange thing to do and I know you probably never wanted to hear from me again. But then went on to explain that she'd had a child a number of years ago and physically cannot get past the way she treated me. How she looks at her child and feels sick because of how scared and upset I must have been of her etc.. and she's terrified of someone treating her child the same way.

She then proceeded to tell me she had been in a really bad depressive pit and has sought professional therapy, where the topic of me came up. Her therapist told her reaching out to me may be a way to close a door. Which I get, kind of- but holy fucking shit- she literally nearly killed me as a teen.

There was a lot more to the message, she gave reasons for the way she treated me( bad home life apparently, which I do sympathise with) but then went on to say that of course it was no excuse. She couldn't make me forgive her and I didn't have to but it would 'help her close a chapter' 🙃 if I did. I haven't replied. To be honest I've been spiralling a bit since the message. I don't know why, I'm a grown woman, married, my own house and career, my own children.

I did speak to my sister (who knew of the abuse as I'd told her years later). She basically told me not to reply and that she could bugger off. Part of me feels sorry for her, but I'm a huge empath. Anyway. This is a massive muddle of a message. What would you do?

She was horrendous and you don't owe her any kind of response but I'm glad that you feel some catharsis having sent your excellent message.

Fuck you Gemma.

Gemma, your continued presence is neither required nor appreciated. I trust you’ll act accordingly.

Fuck you, Gemma.

In case Gemma is on this thread, or ever reads it in the future.... Fuck you Gemma.

Hello Gemma

Funny how she never approached the situation to send that message over the years but only in response to an apology?

Are you actually for real??

Why the hell should OP go and find a woman who made her life hell? who she wanted nothing to do with? In what world do you live in where you think that victims have some sort of obligation to reach out to their abusers??

The woman approached her, uninvited and out of the blue, and she rightly told her to fuck off.

If someone who hurt knocked on your door years later, uninvited and gave you some claptrap you didn't want to hear about wanting to be forgiven, would you invite them in for a cuppa because ah, well, it's your fault really, you should have reached out to them years ago?

There's nothing OP "should" or "shouldn't" have done here. She didn't ask for one single bit of any of it and doesn't owe anyone anything.

The bully chose to reach out, asked the OP for something, and OP gave her her answer. Job done.

My username is a reference to my tortie cat who lives with me and my DH and bosses us both about. I think I know what you mean though - Muriel Spark was famous for her love of cats and there's something very feline and clever about her writing style. All of which derails the thread so to get it back on track, if Angela D ever appears and announces she loves cats, art galleries and A Far Cry From Kensington, I will still tell her she can crawl back under her rock.

Glad you've been able to respond in a way that draws the line for you.
She sounds very disturbed, I'm not sure she was much happier as a teenager than you were OP. But that's not your problem, then or now.

Love this :)

And if Nicola B, Jade P, Samantha W, Lisa K, and Katie B ever appear on the news announcing that they love the ballet, classical music, are chief curators at national museums, and have all collectively invented a cure for all known types of cancer, would still tell them to kindly piss off.

Oh and Nicola, that house you really wanted? you didn't know it was my mum's house. I saw your name on the paperwork and told her you use to bully me and she rejected your offer even though she was going to accept it. Hehe.

@Tortielady I thought so, I tried to post a photo of mine but it didn't appear. A Far Cry from Kensington is our book club read this month!

I agree, the way to treat these people is as if they're just zero no matter what they do with their lives. My nephew was threatened by a kid with a Swiss army knife at school for not wanting to be part of his gang. He told my brother and he and his ex wife both went to school. They were brilliant. He occasionally gets called Harry Potter and swot and Walter by these kids but ignores them. I don't think they'd dare try anything like this Gemma character.

Sadistic little rat, and those like her, will always be mean at heart. I worry for any kids they produce. The OP owes her nothing, it's not her responsibility to help Gemma and I can't believe some posters think it is.

My childhood school bully dragged me around our school playground by my hair at least 2/3 times a week, kicked me in the noon, punched me in the face whilst in a headlock, threw scissors at me, tried to drown me, etc from ages 6 to 11, and when I did fight back, knowing it was going to the same secondary school, I snapped, dragged it by it's hair down 7 flights of stairs, kicked it around the playground and battered it basically. It never did turn up to the same secondary school. Saw it 11 years later weighed down with shopping on a buggy and 3 screaming kids, after my interview for a high end job that I had secured. Made direct eye contact with it and smiled smugly. One of the best moments I secretly enjoy. However, I then used aggression for many years as I learnt at the age of 11, it got you what you wanted/didn't want. Therapy helped and I'm now the person I could have been if it were not for being brutally bullied. So fuck her off OP, she needs you to validate what she is feeling, she certainly doesn't warrant, nor deserve anything from you apart from a tap on the delete/block/fuck off tab!!

Just chiming in with my own "fuck you Gemma!".

You owe her NOTHING op, and I think that your response to her does you credit 💚

This is my instant reaction, I haven't read one reply to you. I think you should reply and thank her for her email and ask if she wants to meet to discuss the matter. When you meet, you can tell her exactly how you felt at the time, don't hold back. But then you allow her to explain again why she did it. After which, if you can, you tell her that you forgive her, and you want both of you to get over it and that she and her child have a happy life. You will help her, and you will feel you have done something important and life changing and will instantly feel better. You're the bigger person here, don't forget that, you can do this and put an end to the trauma.

You're a bit late to the party. You need to read the OPs updates. Seriously, Gemma @ErinBell01 you really do,.

No. Too late. She needs to live with what she did. What a fucking bitch.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Your mum wasn't just a narcissist she was a total sadistic psychopath. Sending you 💓

@TheGetAlongGang My mum was the same. Even when I had two broken arms. She’s dead now, but on the way to her funeral my DH and I were discussing where we could get wooden stakes and holy water just to make sure she stayed that way.

That is not what I wrote in my post! I intervened where required, but the girls concerned were content to deal with it, and they did so very effectively. The attitude of moral outrage is rather wasted in this case!

Op, please report this to the police, she sexually assaulted you, there were witnesses and there is no statute of limitations for this.

I agree with this. She’s a monster.

Could she be in a work situation where she is a potential risk to others?

Did she even ref any of the sustained, brutal and deviant behaviours she inflicted on you for years. - or was it a flippant vague ref to bullying which could have been one incident of side-eye or calling you snot bag.

I met my former school bully a few years ago in the street. He had his wife with him, so I told her what he did. He went bright red. It was awesome. She has left him. I have never seen him or bumped into him again since.

No.

Why the fuck should she forgive her? Why give her her chance to explain why she tortured OP?

This bigger person bollocks needs to stop. It’s in the victim-blaming camp.

Or are you Gemma’s therapist, qualified at the school of muesli knitting?

And Gemma, if you read this, FOTTFSOF and keep going.

OMG. You’re a very strong woman.
I am so proud of how you have dealt with this latest assault on your emotions from your bully. Genuinely, well done! 👏🩵🩵