Page 35 | To tell my high school bully to jog on?!

Ginburee · 10/09/2025 07:12

I'm late to the party but wanted to say we'll done, good response.
She sounds very very evil and she has no power over you.
I am so sorry you went through that awful experience xx

Ginburee · 10/09/2025 07:12

I'm late to the party but wanted to say we'll done, good response.
She sounds very very evil and she has no power over you.
I am so sorry you went through that awful experience xx

MrsGrumpyKnickers · 10/09/2025 07:15

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 11:22

So, I did reply about 30 mins ago. It's been looming over me and making me feel physically sick. I wanted to just block and move on but i was scared the sinking feeling in my stomach wouldn't go if i did that.. I wanted to be the bigger person and my reply wasn't overly nasty, just facts. But I thought, this is my opportunity to stand up to her. If not for present me, for past teenage me.

I wrote:

" Since high school, I have never met anyone like you. As unkind as you or as vicious as you. Which made me realise that I was never the problem. It was all you and nothing you've said justifies the abuse you inflicted on me. And see, wanting to close this chapter sounds like another YOU problem. I won't be providing you with a shred of dignity or reassurance that what you did to me was okay.

I'd say I hope you find peace and heal but I honestly couldn't give a shit. Hopefully no one ever tortures your child the way you tortured me, but if they ever do- only then will you realise how evil what you did to me was.

Contact me again and I'll ring the police. I'm a grown woman now and you don't scare me. And get a new therapist because prompting you to contact me was a bad move."

It felt liberating tbh and I feel years lighter. I didn't add this bit on but if you're reading this, fuck you Gemma. ✌🏼

That’s an amazing response! I’d never have thought to say that. Well done you.

violetcuriosity · 10/09/2025 07:18

I just think it’s completely up to you, do what feels right but remember she was also a child at the time and while it was clearly horrendous what she put you through she didn’t have the same experience and judgement as she does now. I think it shows growth that she’s apologised but equally you don’t owe her anything, least of all forgiveness. I do work in a PRU though so my judgement is probably skewed as I’d hate for some of my pupils to not be forgiven for some of their behaviours x

StillLearning2025 · 10/09/2025 07:20

Hi OP, well done on your response. I have just read your last post and am horrified.
I was and still am a generally shy and quiet person, I experienced some bullying at school but this is truly awful.

I sometimes genuinely can't believe how people can be so nasty, unfortunately in my job just now there are a few ones I work with who are not very nice and seem to enjoy trying to humiliate me.
I'm starting to fight back, I'm not good with conflict so it's hard .I'm in my 50s and have a lit of experience.

I hope karma gets that evil witch, to even think of doing those awful things in the first place.

You sound like you are in a good place in your life, I wish you all the best and peace xx

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 10/09/2025 07:24

violetcuriosity · 10/09/2025 07:18

I just think it’s completely up to you, do what feels right but remember she was also a child at the time and while it was clearly horrendous what she put you through she didn’t have the same experience and judgement as she does now. I think it shows growth that she’s apologised but equally you don’t owe her anything, least of all forgiveness. I do work in a PRU though so my judgement is probably skewed as I’d hate for some of my pupils to not be forgiven for some of their behaviours x

She was old enough to have started her period, was over the age of criminal responsibility, so pack in with the #BeKind excuses.

TheaBrandt1 · 10/09/2025 07:25

Most of our teen regrets are kissing a friends boyfriend after they broke up type level. Not having sadistically and systematically tortured an innocent classmate. She should take the shame and guilt to her grave. Awful that she’s actually a mother.

StillLearning2025 · 10/09/2025 07:29

StripyShirt · 09/09/2025 18:04

A group of us would bully someone in our class at school some decades ago.

I apologised to them recently. It was done sincerely and had nothing to do with making me feel better about it. I didn't ask for, expect, or think about forgiveness.

Children that do bad things can become decent adults, and there is no point in carrying grudges.

You and the others actively chose to make that poor person's life a misery.
I can't imagine actually thinking- yes I and my little sh!t group are going to deliberately be horrible to this human.
Don't try and make excuses, you are not a good person.

SweetnsourNZ · 10/09/2025 07:31

ThatCyanCat · 09/09/2025 07:17

If she truly just wants to apologise (as well she should) then she's done that. Whether you forgive her or not is up to you. You aren't obliged to do anything.

It seems therapists do often suggest this to former bullies and their victims. Track the other person down years and years later and send a message out of the blue apologising or telling them how bad the bullying was. I'm not a counsellor but I just don't think it's a good idea. The bullies seem to think they will get absolution, and often that they're owed it (they're not) and the victims seem to think they'll get a sincere apology but they rarely do. It just seems really risky, intrusive and places all the onus on the other person, who probably won't do what you want, when therapy should be about the stuff that you can control.

We had one in New Zealand do that. Just before he announced he was running for parliament. The school had a record of him beating a younger boy so he thought if he apologized it wouldn't come to light.

Mumofnarnia · 10/09/2025 07:34

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

Oh op! That’s absolutely disgusting. I’ve never heard of anything so vile in all my life.

Anyone claiming you was too harsh… you were way more polite than I would have been. Your response was very well put and very powerful. These people who have said you are being too harsh have obviously not being the victim of bullying. Or if they have, it must have been on a much smaller scale than what you had to endure. If you are bullied the way you was bullied… and the way I was bullied, it changes your life. Forever!
That girl was (and probably still is) absolutely vile and what she did to you was unforgivable. You owe her nothing and neither do you have to justify to others on here why you have responded the way you did.
Anyone excusing her behaviour and claiming you were too harsh need to give their head a wobble and wonder how they’d feel if this had happened to them or their own children.

ForGladGreen · 10/09/2025 07:36

Your latest post detailing what she did, horror. She is sadistic. What an absolute psychopath.

You don’t grow out of that, and now knowing the extent of her abuse towards you this woman is truly unhinged for having contacted you. Did she really think you would forgive her?!? For you being held down and assaulted in such a way?

I actually don’t think there is enough punishment for this woman.

I hope the people in her life now find out what she has done, because it won’t have ended there with you in her teenage years. You don’t just stop with one victim, there will be others she has harmed over the years.

Mumofnarnia · 10/09/2025 07:41

ForGladGreen · 10/09/2025 07:36

Your latest post detailing what she did, horror. She is sadistic. What an absolute psychopath.

You don’t grow out of that, and now knowing the extent of her abuse towards you this woman is truly unhinged for having contacted you. Did she really think you would forgive her?!? For you being held down and assaulted in such a way?

I actually don’t think there is enough punishment for this woman.

I hope the people in her life now find out what she has done, because it won’t have ended there with you in her teenage years. You don’t just stop with one victim, there will be others she has harmed over the years.

I agree. There are some playground bullies who name call and laugh etc and you can put it down to them being immature and unaware and you may possibly be able to forgive them. But what this ‘Gemma’ did to op was unhinged. Nobody who behaves like that just changes and decides to feel remorse for their actions. My guess is, she probably contacted the op because her therapist told her to do so, so it was something to tick off the list so she could show her therapist what a good girl she had been. Unfortunately it backfired spectacularly! I imagine she also wanted the attention and validation from the op. Her message to op was all about herself and explaining how she’d ended up the way she is. I doubt she felt any remorse.

Rituelec · 10/09/2025 07:48

My daughter has been bullied for 6yrs by the same child (interventions never last long) i would advise her to send a message like yours in the future. You have NOT been to harsh.

Pipsquiggle · 10/09/2025 07:52

Well done @whattheheckkk

Your reply was both epic and assertive.

I thought she was a bitch before your last post. She assaulted you. If you had reported it, the police would have been called and she would at the very least been suspended, probably expelled.

Her contacting you to make peace with herself about that, shows she wants to absolve herself of her actions - fucking bitch.

Ruby1985 · 10/09/2025 07:53

whattheheckkk · 09/09/2025 21:59

Thank you so much everyone. I decided to switch off for the day and I've just spent a bit of time before bed reading the new comments. I'm so grateful for everyone's kind messages. I've never had so many people tell them they're proud of me ❤️ really, really lovely. Thank you for all the support. I feel really at peace with everything. I'm sure new emotions will still surface because after all this was years of abuse. But right now I feel a sense of relief x

Just a side note. To those saying I over reacted with my reply and that it was too harsh. That is completely fine, you're all welcome to your opinions, that's what I asked for after all! But I thought I would just add one more thing. I didn't want to put it in my original post as it is so dark and I feel so much shame.

So when I was about 13/14. I was walking home after a club. She knew I walked the back way and not many others did. She waited for me and assaulted me. She didn't punch me or kick me. Instead, her friends held me down whilst she smothered her used sanitary towel all over my face, in my mouth, in my eyes and in my hair. I had to walk another 20 minutes home covered in remnants of her blood. My parents were both in work when I got home. I showered and got into bed.

Her friends must've known she had gone too far as one told the teachers we'd had a scuffle after school and they spoke to us both separately and highlighted the importance of not fighting. My parents were disappointed I had been involved in said scuffle. I didn't say a word, too much shame.

So yeah, I feel pretty justified on my reply. Please imagine this happening to your daughter. Upon reflection, she was not damaged. She was evil.

Good on you! I think what you said was far too diplomatic and what come around goes around in life always!

To all those saying OP shouldn’t have replied the way she did, hopefully if the same happens to you or anyone dear to you, you will endure and just brush it off! Talk is cheap and hopefully you won’t be hypocrites 😊

Coffersmat · 10/09/2025 07:56

Oh OP, that is absolutely horrendous.
I actually cannot believe it, it so dreadful.
How in gods name were your parents so oblivious to you.
You must have been in such awful pain and distress.

It is never too late to report torture like this.
You have proof with her contact of you.
Sometimes there is great relief in making a statement to the police, whether it is take forward by them are not.

You were so totally wronged.
That truly is one of the worst things I have ever read.

Such a harrowing assault of you.
Sending you much love and strength.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/09/2025 07:58

Dancingintherain09 · 09/09/2025 18:36

Im a big believer in forgiveness. Not just for the the person being forgiveness but for the person foingvthe forgiving. It a way to move past and release yourself from past wrongs. Those horrible feeling called up inside released and moved on from.
I you do contact her lay it all out what and how she made you feel Everything you wrote here. Then flip the script to tell her all the good things in your life. And move on. Even if you dont say I forgive you but a vague its all in the past.
From a psychology stand point teenage brains aren't fully formed and they lack the empathy for others, which is why bullying ramps ul during those gitmstive years, also bullies are generally the victim of some firm of neglect or abuse themselves and use others as an outletbofvyheir frustration.

From a victim’s standpoint, l really couldn’t give a fuck about the psychology of it. I was damaged by it for years as it was happening and it’s had repercussions in my life since. Fully formed brain or not, being abused or neglected herself, or not, that girl and her cronies made my life hell and it’s not on me to take on board or try to understand why they may have acted as they did, or to forgive it.

ChicJoker · 10/09/2025 07:59

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 09/09/2025 16:34

"I do get it but the OPs reply seems a bit much to me."

Have you walked a mile in the OP's shoes? Because if your sympathy is with the person who caused a child to want to not be here any more, and to vomit in anxiety at the mere sight of them, you may be more of a Gemma.

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I have actually yes.

I stand by what I say. Unnecessarily nasty reply from OP. Funny how she never approached the situation to send that message over the years but only in response to an apology? It doesn’t sit well with me and that’s my opinion 🤷‍♀️

ChicJoker · 10/09/2025 08:00

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 09/09/2025 16:37

No one cares what you think.
your comment is unnecessary

its about the op

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Well it’s a forum so that’s quite untrue 😂

Chompingatthebeat · 10/09/2025 08:01

KateMiddletonsExtensions · 10/09/2025 07:24

She was old enough to have started her period, was over the age of criminal responsibility, so pack in with the #BeKind excuses.

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Old enough to have started her period? What strange metric is this?

ChicJoker · 10/09/2025 08:01

WearyAuldWumman · 09/09/2025 17:46

What makes you think that the bully is showing true remorse?

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The message.

ChicJoker · 10/09/2025 08:02

Letsgoroundagainnow · 09/09/2025 17:50

Tell me you’ve never experienced bullying yourself or to anyone close to you, without telling me.

Edited

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I did for years. I still wouldn’t carry on how the OP has

Chompingatthebeat · 10/09/2025 08:02

Ruby1985 · 10/09/2025 07:53

Good on you! I think what you said was far too diplomatic and what come around goes around in life always!

To all those saying OP shouldn’t have replied the way she did, hopefully if the same happens to you or anyone dear to you, you will endure and just brush it off! Talk is cheap and hopefully you won’t be hypocrites 😊

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Except you have no idea what other people go through and how they deal with it

HonestOpalHelper · 10/09/2025 08:12

whattheheckkk · 08/09/2025 20:30

Name changed for this one. Really random.

In high school (over 15 years ago) I was subjected to the most atrocious bullying by the same girl. I was pretty well liked overall, never really had a problem with anyone. I wasn't popular, had a little quiet friendship group.
Except this one girl. I did nothing to her, but when we were about 12 she decided she hated me, and she made my life hell. She was racist towards me, she called me fat, she poured a can of Coke into my school bag during PE. She put chewing gum in my hair. She spat on my lunch whilst I was eating it. She stole my blazer and trashed it. Told me to kill myself. She even flicked boiling hot metal from a soldering onto my hands during electronics class. Much more but you get the jist. She had a little possy of friends who all laughed.

My friends always told me to ignore her, but we were all kind of too quiet to say anything to her- she was scary tbh. I never let on to anyone, but she gave me the worst anxiety. I would rush to the toilet to vomit if she looked at me a certain way in the hallways. I'd cry myself to sleep about it. She never had a reason to hate me. I never told my parents or teachers. I don't know why, I don't really have an answer to that.

Anyway. Fast forward. She messaged me 3 days ago. Saying something along the lines of:

Hi. I know this is a really strange thing to do and I know you probably never wanted to hear from me again. But then went on to explain that she'd had a child a number of years ago and physically cannot get past the way she treated me. How she looks at her child and feels sick because of how scared and upset I must have been of her etc.. and she's terrified of someone treating her child the same way.

She then proceeded to tell me she had been in a really bad depressive pit and has sought professional therapy, where the topic of me came up. Her therapist told her reaching out to me may be a way to close a door. Which I get, kind of- but holy fucking shit- she literally nearly killed me as a teen.

There was a lot more to the message, she gave reasons for the way she treated me( bad home life apparently, which I do sympathise with) but then went on to say that of course it was no excuse. She couldn't make me forgive her and I didn't have to but it would 'help her close a chapter' 🙃 if I did. I haven't replied. To be honest I've been spiralling a bit since the message. I don't know why, I'm a grown woman, married, my own house and career, my own children.

I did speak to my sister (who knew of the abuse as I'd told her years later). She basically told me not to reply and that she could bugger off. Part of me feels sorry for her, but I'm a huge empath. Anyway. This is a massive muddle of a message. What would you do?

We change a lot from childhood to adulthood - my bully at school is now a vicar and a really nice person, total transformation!

It can't hurt you to drop her a message back just saying it was a long time ago, of course you accept her apology and forgive her.

Even if you have reservations about that, it sounds like she's in a bad place now, vitriol and hatred don't help anyone, you either, both let it go and find peace.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 10/09/2025 08:16

HonestOpalHelper · 10/09/2025 08:12

We change a lot from childhood to adulthood - my bully at school is now a vicar and a really nice person, total transformation!

It can't hurt you to drop her a message back just saying it was a long time ago, of course you accept her apology and forgive her.

Even if you have reservations about that, it sounds like she's in a bad place now, vitriol and hatred don't help anyone, you either, both let it go and find peace.

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Of course??

No! There is no “of course” about it!