What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

[khlolea]

I have had a glass of wine tonight after work, thought why not?
Dh is home and is furious, speaking to me like a disgrace and slamming cupboards.
I now have an uncomfortable silence which isn’t quite a silence because he’s saying he’s not giving me the silent treatment.

This sort of crap is why I haven't got a husband. Unless you are an alcoholic, you have a drink when you want one. For example, i had a glass of wine last night, but I haven't had one tonight. I might have a cocktail on Friday because I like to have a cocktail on Fridays but there's no rule about it.

Tell him you're not his mother and you'll do as you please.

Well, I’m a recovering alcoholic, so he’d be pretty freaked out as I don’t drink!

I think it totally depends on the context. If you are a normal person who doesn’t have a drinking problem and this is a one off, he sounds uptight. If you have a drinking problem and this is going to kick off a binge and he’s going to have to pick up the pieces, I can see why he’s upset.

I don’t really care about people’s drinking around me, but I do get annoyed with Dh from time to time (who does not have a drinking problem), because he’ll complain about how he never gets time to work out and how he wants to cut down on drinking or eating junk, and then he’ll suddenly cancel a run and stay home drinking and eating crap instead. I don’t personally care, but I’m a big believer in you are responsible for making your own changes. You can’t drink midweek and eat crap and not exercise, and then get fed up that you’re feeling bloated and hungover and behind on your runs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not so sure my dp would even notice 🤣.

My DH would say something like, "Oh, lovely. I'll have one too." He wouldn't be furious or slam cupboards or anything remotely like that. I can't even imagine him acting that way.

Your husband's behaviour is not acceptable. If he is acting completely out of character, then I'd be worried about him if I were in your shoes. But I'll hazard a guess that he is abusive in other respects as well?

Tell him clearly that you are an adult and you can decide if you want to have a glass of wine. And that you won't put up with his antics.

I don't drink but I would think nothing of it. I might check in that your day went ok or that you were just enjoying a glass of wine and relaxing.

He's being authoritarian and controlling about a glass of wine. Slamming cupboards and not speaking, that's way over the top. This is his issue to resolve in a healthy manner, not having a mad fit.

He wouldn’t say much, it happens once a week or so. No big deal in our house.

“You better not have dipped into the expensive stuff”

"what did the kids do"?

Mine would joined in!

He doesnt drink, but he also doesnt mind if I do. He would say 'day that good? Do you need me to pick up some more?' And let me waffle about whatever it was that had caused me to pour a drink that early.

And if he raged at me like yours, I wpuld ask him what had happened in his day, because it would be very unlikely him.

It may be unusual but it doesn’t mean you can’t…

weird response to someone having a drink. Honestly, who could be arsed causing an issue if their partner has a drink. Unless of course it’s a drink problem, but it really doesn’t sound like it is.

tell him to wipe his fanny and get over it.

He either wouldn't notice, wouldn't care or pour himself one too.

Your DP's reaction isn't normal!

is there alcoholism in his family or friend groups and he’s worried about you getting in to that slope? His reaction seems very extreme.

Mine would be really happy tbh, he likes the odd beer or glass of wine and keeps saying he would like it if we could have a drink together at home now and then but I am always too tired or too busy.
Slamming doors and being aggressive becuase you are having a drink is not good at all. Do you drink all the time or get aggressive when you are drunk? Still not acceptable to be aggressive even if toubare, but could explain why he could be upset if you are?

Hes behaving like a twat

He would either say nothing, or he would ask what wine I was drinking and then swill it round the glass and then put his nose in my glass and take a big sniff, maybe even taste it and wash it around his mouth (because he’s got an interest in wine and done courses etc). Then I would say ‘urgh do you have to’? Then he would most probably pour himself a glass. He would never get angry about that and never gives me the silent treatment for anything.

If I’d poured the whole bottle in a glass and refused to share it, he might be a bit miffed.

in truth he’s more likely to have a drink than me. I’m jealous (can’t drink on a work night and be pleasant), and might say, Monday beer?! With a slight disapproving tone 😬

My DH would be fine but l am not dependent on alcohol .

unless your drinking is problematic, he’s the problem here. Who put him in charge?

I don’t drink much, mainly because my wife (both women) doesn’t drink much. I wouldn’t usually drink alone. My wife is also a bit OTT when people drink regularly as she always thinks it’s a drink problem. She’s probably right tbf as she’s talking about my parents but I’ve grown up around big drinkers so I see it as normal.

Bearing all that in mind if I opened a drink randomly before she got home I’d think she would be bewildered as it’s not normal for me but she’d prob just open one for herself. She deffo wouldn’t be angry with me

My ex is a weird man, who takes offence to weird things but no reaction. A few times he'd come home and I'd had a few drinks, and he was absolutely fine.

Why would he act this way? Do you have an issue? Or is the issue his? There's an issue, where?

He wouldn’t care at all - might ask if everything was ok because I rarely drink midweek, but he wouldn’t be bothered if I just fancied a glass of wine.
Does your DH treat you like this often? He sounds abusive

DH would assume I had a tough day and grab a drink too. I never drink during the week so it would be unusual but it would be more “aw shit day?” Than “OMG YOU ARE A DISGRACE”.

Unless you have a problem with alcohol or he has reason to suspect you have the beginnings of a problem with alcohol and you've previously discussed this... he's a controlling twat.

Based on what you've said it sounds very much in the controlling twat category and that his family are massive, Puritanical control freaks.

There are circumstances when its legitimate to be exasperated if a spouse is drinking alone at home. This doesn't sound like that, it sounds like small man syndrome and he's pissed at you because you've done something under your own steam.

Unless you have reason to be concerned about your drinking... tell him to grow up.

My DH is teetotal and I rarely drink.

On the odd occasion I’ve fancied a glass of wine he’s asked if I’ve chosen a nice one (or we’ve joked about the Simpson’s episode where dramatic horror music plays every Marge takes a sip).

If he reacted like your DH I’d silently pick up the bottle and fill the glass right to the top. What kind of grown man has a passive aggressive tantrum because his wife had a single glass of wine after work? He should be embarrassed.