What would your husband say if he came home from work and you’d had a drink?

[khlolea]

I have had a glass of wine tonight after work, thought why not?
Dh is home and is furious, speaking to me like a disgrace and slamming cupboards.
I now have an uncomfortable silence which isn’t quite a silence because he’s saying he’s not giving me the silent treatment.

It doesn’t matter what other people do in their home.

Your husband sounds like he grew up thinking alcohol is the root of all evil as that is what his mother believes.

Is it a religious belief?
Is there alcoholism in his family?

I’m surprised this hasn’t arisen before.

He can believe whatever he likes i
suppose but when it is affecting you and how you feel in your own home, it has to make you reflect on how you want to spend your life.

If it’s religious I think I would have made the decision before living with him to respect that and I wouldn’t bring alcohol into the home.

Do you have kids? What would he be like if your kids drink/socislise with alcohol when they are older?

Is it just alcohol or does he have other ‘expected behaviour’?
Can you relax at home or are you on eggshells around him?

I think you need to give more context and I think you might need to try to see into your future with him and see if it’s the one you want?

That's odd. I realised my own views about alcohol were impacted by my Mum's and in turn her's was influenced by her Father's.
I am aware of this and know that it's perfectly fine for an adult to have a drink in the evening if they feel like one (insert all the disclaimers about alcoholics, health conditions, responsibilities). Your DH needs to sort out his attitude.
Is this the first time something like this has happened?

Ltb x

Not the point OP. You are your own person and it’s up to you when and where you have a drink. Assuming you weren’t falling down drunk when he got home, his behaviour is unacceptable and childish.

When I read your OP I thought maybe you had driven home after, but I see you were already home when you had the drink.

My DH probably wouldn't comment, but might join me and have one. Your DH's behaviour seems completely over the top and controlling.

but his mum once went mad when we had a drink in her garden one day.

I presume he has similar views on booze?!

DH would wonder if I was OK as it would be rather out of character to be drinking alone on a school night.

He'd probably then help himself to one and we'd have a chat.

The devil is in the detail - WHY is your DH annoyed you're drinking? Do you have a history with alcohol? Or are you trying to lose weight, get healthy, save money.....? Looking after a high needs child and need to be totally sharp?

Mine would make a joke about me being a lush because he makes a joke about any out of the norm behavior.

then he would ask if I made sure our teenager saw me drinking, because both of us drink so rarely that we feel like we aran’t doing a good job of modeling that it is ok to drink in moderation, but not excess. We feel like we are giving her a skewed perspective of moderation so I’ve been trying to drink more since he really can’t.

this. Also is that his only unpleasant behaviour or does he have others?

OP this question seems too simplistic, obviously most partners wouldn't have any reaction to coming home to their partner having a drink so 99% of people would agree with you.
Is there any reason your husband has had such a reaction? Is your drinking an issue in your marriage? If not, of course he shouldn't go on like that but if you have an issue with drinking then that would explain such a reaction.

Yep. Same here!

As others have said, either you're an alcoholic in denial or your relationship is problematic. I can't say for sure either way but I suspect that it might be the first one.

Same!

He would be concerned as it would seem out of character.

Keep the bottle and ditch the bloke.

Probably be concerned for me - I don't usually drink until all the kids are home incase someone needs collecting or dropping off if we have extra kids here.

Unless, of course, it's tonight, when I will be asleep when he finally gets home, because his flight was canceled, so he's got 7 hours on the train.

In your case, I'd be concerned about his behaviour. Assuming you have no further need to drive, there is nothing wrong with an occasional drink when you get home. You have done absolutely nothing worthy of a negative reaction. He has behaved badly.

A single drink? Nothing.
He doesn't drink, I do. The occasional g&t at the weekend or a glass of wine with a meal.
I don't get falling down drunk or do anything dangerous or stupid, so it literally doesn't affect him at all.

He is not my father, I'm over 18.
My DH doesn't drink, he wouldn't care or dare to lay down the law to me.
I can't stand sulking adults.

'Oh I think I'll join you'

'I dont fancy one'

'Oh you bloody lush.. as a joke'

Or similar.. I rarely drink but so what..

He would say ‘prepare my vittles you drunken wench’

It would be extremely unusual for me to drink on a school night, so he would ask me how my day was. He may join me.
Either you have a problem with alcohol or your husband does. Only you know the answer.

My DHand I just disagreed on his reaction. He says he’d burst out laughing and ask what happened. I think he’d feint, then ask for one too.
NB I rarely drink.

Your husband’s reaction was not nice

Impossible to answer without more context.
Do you have a drink problem OP?
Does one glass make you drunk and you’re looking after young children?
Did you get wasted at the weekend and he had to clean up your sick?
Are you obnoxious when you’ve had a drink?
Does having one drink mean you’ll finish the bottle on your own and be drunk?
Is there a history of alcoholism in your family?

I don’t really drink at all - maybe 1-2 units per year - and DP is the same. If I came home and he’d had a glass of wine after work I’d be worried. It would be so out of character it would make me really scared that something was very wrong.

That is a niche view, and he would have been better off marrying somebody teetotal if he feels that strongly about it.

I currently have a glass of wine in front of me, DH isn’t drinking today. I maybe get through one bottle of wine in a month, if that (this current bottle of wine had been in the fridge unopened since July).

DH doesn’t really care either way - he’d care if I had a drinking problem, but it doesn’t matter to him if I drink on a Monday night or Wednesday lunchtime.

@khlolea My husband would ask if I’ve saved him any 😂

You don’t need his permission to have a drink, I’d be inclined to pour another if he behaved this way

Cheers xx