Hairdresser cut my hair too short

[SaraYork]

Last Friday I had a hairdressers appointment. I had long curly hair. When you pulled down the hair it just came above my bum. I told her that I wanted to keep my hair long and that only the necessary bit needed to be taken off. Which was the ends which looked very thin, dry, with split ends. She showed me how much was needed to taken off which was around 3 inches, which I agreed to.

I told her that I last went to the hairdresser's over 1 year ago. She told me that as I wanted to keep it long, I should come back every 3 months, so that they only have to cut off around 1 inch and my hair will look beautiful when it is long.
I also told her that I felt that I feel that my hair is growing more slowly while getting older.
She washed and conditioned my hair. She said that I had lovely curls and should use the scrunch technique with products.

When I got to my chair again for the cut. She showed me what she was going to cut. I said yes that is fine, which was around 3 inches. My hair was flipped to the front over my shoulders and hang over my chest. When my hair was pulled down, it cae to my belly button. But as it is curly it looks shorter, so on my chest.

Before she started cutting I took of my glasses. After some time when I had to look down I noticed that my hair looked short. I grabbed my glasses and put them on to have a look in the mirror. I turned my back sideways towards the mirror. Then I saw that she cut my hair way to short. I told her that and I started crying. She said that is what I told her. Never in my life I would have told her that as I always have had long hair.

It comes now just short over my shoulders. And that is with straightening it as she needed to straighten it as she could see then if everything was cut correctly at the same level. As I was so upset and crying she told me that I don't have to pay the additional charge of 5 pounds which they charge for people who have long hair. After she was done butchering my hair, I left crying the premises. I called my husband who told me to come home. He also said that it is something I would not go for and never that short. He knows me over 15 years.

Since Friday I feel sick to my stomach. I am unable to eat, cry, barely can sleep. I told my husband and mother in law that I have not felt this bad as when my father passed away, 3 years ago. My mother in law told me that it sounds like that I am grieving. And it feels like that. I took great pride in my hair. I have been feeling low lately and I saw going to the hairdresser's as something that I needed and would do me well. As normally I feel great and fabulous after having my hair done.

I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror. I am too afraid too touch my hair as it really makes me feel sad. My husband is abroad now and back on Wednesday. I just feel that I will break down, when I look at it in the mirror again. I also don't dare to brush it as I will feel how short it is.

I am not sure what I want from this post. I just feel so down and don't know what to do. This morning I woke up with lots of back pain which I think is caused by the stress of it all.

My mother in law told me that I have to go back to the hairdresser's and talk to the manager what happened. Not that I will get my hair back, but that they need to know and not happy with their service. In the end it is my word against the girl who cut my hair. I am not even sure at this point if she was fully qualified as what she did to my hair. I have no idea what she was even thinking and was going on in her head. Why, to say to me to come back every 3 months to cut off around 1 inch, and cut all my hair off!?

What do I need to do? Am I AIBU for feeling this way?

Thank you.

Did I read the post correctly, you feel as bad about your hair cut as you did when your dad died?

if that’s the case, get a bloody grip, you are definitely overreacting. I would complain to the salon manager but then move on, it will grow back.

Yeah right

It’s hair. It grows. Chill and take the opportunity to experiment.

YANBU

I assume a lot of people commenting have short hair. Mine is to my bum and in my mid 40s, I know it is barely growing. My long hair is one of my defining features and matters to me. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

But it is going to take over a year to grow back it’s a long time.

As a mum of curly girls, you need to research hairdresser well beforehand, use insta & choose someone who shows curly styles. Your hair should not be straightened to cut it, it will always end up really short that way, it was a red flag. It will shrink when the curls are reactivated, it is generally lighter when cut, therefore increasing the shrinkage even more. It will grow back though.

Trauma is different for different people and some people who are used to leading difficult lives or who have had to cope with a lot of distressing situations have no choice except to build resilience but it doesn’t take a lot to knock them down.

In the last 4 years I have lost both my parents, survived cancer, my partner left me for someone younger, I lost my job which was perfect for me as I have a disability. My health deteriorated and I can no longer work, I have no support system and I’ve also been left facing infertility.

I was with my partner for 12 years and loved him more then you can imagine, I wanted us to stay together but now he’s left me for someone he can have children with and I feel old and faulty and have absolutely no self esteem.

A few years ago I went for a haircut and had a similar experience to OP, the hairdresser also cut my fringe so it was about a cm long and I was absolutely devastated.
I cried in the street, I woke up crying in the night, I bought wigs and refused to go outside until it had grown.

Cutting someone’s hair is classed as assault and is punishable on that basis.
When I heard I had cancer one of the first things I asked is “will I lose my hair?” I felt so shallow at the time but was reassured that a lot of people’s first concerns were for their hair.
A lot of people have posted mentioning how much importance has been placed on hair throughout history.

I think for a lot of people it’s down to self esteem. If you are generally confident and happy with your appearance or feel it’s not important then it’s just a trivial matter, if you feel insecure and hate the way you look then it’s adding to those feelings and if it’s done without your consent and out of your control then it does feel like you’ve been violated- for want of a better word.

I have had to be strong pretty much my whole life, I had a traumatic childhood, I suffered abuse, I was sexually assaulted as a young adult, I was vulnerable and ended up in more then one relationship with domestic violence because it’s all I knew and I didn’t have enough self - esteem or respect to expect more.
I had eating disorders and hated my appearance, I also struggled with my disability and felt on the sidelines because of it.
I have had constant money worries because I didn’t want to claim benefits but faced constant discrimination and never felt like I had any job security.

Life has been hard but every time I’ve been knocked down I’ve had to get up and keep going. I realised I’ve just become used to it and it’s normal for me.

If I had posted about my hair and how upset I was when I had a similar experience to the OP then I wouldn’t have felt I needed to include my whole life history. I would have posted hoping for support during a time I was struggling and I certainly wouldn’t have found it helpful with other people telling me that how I feel isn’t valid as other people have gone through worse.
At the time I thought the tears and feelings of depression and emptiness were simply down to my haircut, now I look back and realise it was because I felt ugly and worried my partner wouldn’t find me attractive, that people would laugh at me and I would fit in even less, it was also difficult because I’d had no control over what happened which was similar to when I was in an abusive relationship.

I have CPTSD which probably gives me more of an understanding now that for some people an event or incident can be mildly upsetting, for others it can literally be traumatic because even without PTSD we all have different experiences and triggers and no one knows on here (or in real life to a true extent) what someone else is going through or has faced in the past.
It’s not fair to ever minimise someone’s feelings by holding them up to compare to someone else’s circumstances.

A pp also pointed out that they also didn’t realise how much they were struggling with their mental health and how depressed they were until they realised they were lacking resilience for the smaller things in life. This could also be the case for OP.

I hate the term “be kind” as it’s manipulative misogynistic bullshit so I’m not going to trot that phrase out. I do think people should try to be more understanding though and realise not everyone has identical experiences.
So many people are desperate to put down the OP on threads and I’ve seen some really nasty comments on posts that just aren’t necessary. I was pleased that the OP on this thread actually had quite a lot of support and understanding. I just found it frustrating how so many people just brushed her feelings off because in their eyes OP hadn’t suffered enough to be able to feel like she does.

I am sorry for anyone going through a shit time right now, I hate the thought of anyone being in pain or scared, grieving or worrying for the future. It doesn’t matter if your struggles are mentally or physically you have every right to them.
Please don’t think there is a ranking or grading system to people’s responses to upsetting situations though. Someone going through cancer or bereavement deserves compassion and support but so does someone who has just pranged their car, they might have already gone through cancer treatment and lost loved ones, the car might just be the final straw.

Hey Op, I’m a hair extension addict and have had all types. If you want to think about that avenue feel free to give me a message and I can give some advice.

The whole thing sounds odd, from the weird way they cut it to your over the top reaction.

One of my kids has curls, so they go to a curly hairdresser, who only does curls and Afro hair. You can’t pull curly hair straight to cut it or it will end up uneven as the individual curls all have a different amount of spring. They have theirs dry cut curl by curl. Takes hours, 3-4 all up, which they just factor in. First is the cut which takes a few hours, then it is brushed and washed, then a protective slow dry, then refine any bits with cut if/as needed. Obviously costs a truck tonne as well to go along with how long their bum is on the seat. Yes, ideally, it’s meant to be every 3 months to keep the ends healthy, but due to time and cost they spin it out to every 6 months.

Get a grip. It’s hair, it’ll grow back.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. This has happened to me many times especially when younger and I was really upset each time. In older now and because of medication my hair hardly grows so you can imagine I don't visit a hairdresser at all. Yes it's a mess but I tie it back and learnt to live with it . Your hair will grow, but it's not the point is it? She should have known better.

thechatclub I'll take advice too please. x

I mean this in the nicest possible way OP but you need to get a grip and stop being so dramatic it’s only hair it will grow back.

You can write a google review about the hairdresser. There is a huge difference between 3 inches and bum to shoulder distance which should be at least a foot.

Having said that I think you are overreacting with you not feeling yourself and non stop crying. What would you do if you have a severe hair loss? You are lucky you have good quality hair for them to grow to the hip length. It will take time but your hair will grow back, meanwhile you can try some styling options for shoulder length hair. Definitely write a review.

Great post which everyone on this thread should read. I hope things get better for you, @Doweneedjellyfish

If what you are saying is true, she must have done this on purpose. Although you are over reacting, it was a nasty thing to do. Do complain about this further if you can, she might have done similar things to others, either through incompetence or unkindness.

There's some arseholes in the comments here. OP YANBU!
OP knows it will grow back but that doesn't help her at the moment does it?

This happened to me when I was 16. I made the mistake of going into a Supercuts and showed them a photo of a medium length choppy cut. Came out with a "sensible middle age woman" short hair cut. I was devastated. Wigs and extensions weren't around then, and I even left home to stay with an aunt in a different part of the country for a couple of weeks as I didn't want anyone to see me, and I refused to leave the house without a hat for a couple of months after that.
The growing back was a long and painful process too.

I really don't have any advice although if Temu and Shein had existed back then I definitely would have fully utilised the fairly decent cheap wigs!

I suspect she heard 'cut off what it needs' and did so. It sounds like you have been having a hard time recently and maybe neglecting yourself a bit. How old are you? As hair down to your bum over the age of 40 for example can be hard to pull off, and if at least 3 inches of it was split ends then it may not have looked very good. She may have thought she was doing the best for your hair and look, and I think you should have been clear you only wanted a bit off and didn't care if there were split ends left. That the length was more important than your hair looking good.

Saying that, it sounds like you gave been struggling anyway and this has tipped you over the edge, so I feel for you. Do you often find change very hard? You will get used tout, below shoulders is a good length IMO, much more chic than bum length on anyone over 25. I bet it looks good!

I don’t think OP is being dramatic at all , for people saying “it’s only hair it will grow back “ maybe that’s your opinion about it but this has actually devastated her self esteem so she’s more than allowed to be struggling the way she is.
the hairdresser took way too much off , I’ve had terrible short hair cuts that have made me reach for clip in extensions in the past.
it must be nice to be so confident in your appearance that you cannot imagine how awful a really bad hair cut can make you feel , but just because you wouldn’t react or feel this bad , doesn’t make the fact op does any less valid

How do you brush your hair with extensions in? I’m scared of getting the bit between my scalp and extensions matted and it’s putting me off!

Big hugs! My best friend, going through a divorce at the time too, had her hair permed as she was loosing her naturally curly hair so wanted some extra curls to help her feel more herself. The hairdresser completely messed up the perm and chemicals ruined her hair, she went from it being half way down her back to not being able to even put it in a ponytail- and what was left was awful condition wise … terrible time for her, but it did grow back and even though we can’t laugh about it, it’s still that horror story, all traces are gone and she’s back to long hair again … that was probably 25-30 years ago

OP really needs to hear that it isn’t traumatic. That it’s just hair. That it grows. That it being different is not going to have a significant impact on her life unless she makes it so.

It was shitty of the hairdresser, but for fucks sake get a bloody grip.

Totally agree, comparing a hair cut to the loss of her father, OP seriously needs help and not sure why her family and some posters on here are pandering to her!
I have had treatment which meant I lost my hair totally, hair cut too short is not something to get too upset about.
I assume the OP is an adult!!!

Agreed. It’s not “traumatic” and will be behind her in a few weeks.

it’s hardly a life changing injury. It sounds like o/p needs some counselling to work through the issues she has attached to her hair.

sometimes you just need a reality check. The dh should be reassuring her she looks beautiful and building her confidence, not feeding into the trauma by suggesting extensions.

i am willing to bet o/p probably looks fine. Again it sounds like she needs counselling over self esteem issues- bum length hair and never putting it up because she doesn’t like the hair on her neck? That must restrict life a fair bit. Sounds like it’s gone beyond liking her hair to dysmorphia.

😆😆