Hairdresser cut my hair too short

[SaraYork]

Last Friday I had a hairdressers appointment. I had long curly hair. When you pulled down the hair it just came above my bum. I told her that I wanted to keep my hair long and that only the necessary bit needed to be taken off. Which was the ends which looked very thin, dry, with split ends. She showed me how much was needed to taken off which was around 3 inches, which I agreed to.

I told her that I last went to the hairdresser's over 1 year ago. She told me that as I wanted to keep it long, I should come back every 3 months, so that they only have to cut off around 1 inch and my hair will look beautiful when it is long.
I also told her that I felt that I feel that my hair is growing more slowly while getting older.
She washed and conditioned my hair. She said that I had lovely curls and should use the scrunch technique with products.

When I got to my chair again for the cut. She showed me what she was going to cut. I said yes that is fine, which was around 3 inches. My hair was flipped to the front over my shoulders and hang over my chest. When my hair was pulled down, it cae to my belly button. But as it is curly it looks shorter, so on my chest.

Before she started cutting I took of my glasses. After some time when I had to look down I noticed that my hair looked short. I grabbed my glasses and put them on to have a look in the mirror. I turned my back sideways towards the mirror. Then I saw that she cut my hair way to short. I told her that and I started crying. She said that is what I told her. Never in my life I would have told her that as I always have had long hair.

It comes now just short over my shoulders. And that is with straightening it as she needed to straighten it as she could see then if everything was cut correctly at the same level. As I was so upset and crying she told me that I don't have to pay the additional charge of 5 pounds which they charge for people who have long hair. After she was done butchering my hair, I left crying the premises. I called my husband who told me to come home. He also said that it is something I would not go for and never that short. He knows me over 15 years.

Since Friday I feel sick to my stomach. I am unable to eat, cry, barely can sleep. I told my husband and mother in law that I have not felt this bad as when my father passed away, 3 years ago. My mother in law told me that it sounds like that I am grieving. And it feels like that. I took great pride in my hair. I have been feeling low lately and I saw going to the hairdresser's as something that I needed and would do me well. As normally I feel great and fabulous after having my hair done.

I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror. I am too afraid too touch my hair as it really makes me feel sad. My husband is abroad now and back on Wednesday. I just feel that I will break down, when I look at it in the mirror again. I also don't dare to brush it as I will feel how short it is.

I am not sure what I want from this post. I just feel so down and don't know what to do. This morning I woke up with lots of back pain which I think is caused by the stress of it all.

My mother in law told me that I have to go back to the hairdresser's and talk to the manager what happened. Not that I will get my hair back, but that they need to know and not happy with their service. In the end it is my word against the girl who cut my hair. I am not even sure at this point if she was fully qualified as what she did to my hair. I have no idea what she was even thinking and was going on in her head. Why, to say to me to come back every 3 months to cut off around 1 inch, and cut all my hair off!?

What do I need to do? Am I AIBU for feeling this way?

Thank you.

I think most of us in our 50s can use either system pretty interchangeably,

@mazedasamarchhare @AngelicKaty

I am 63 and of course I can use either system. I can even convert back to pre- decimal money if I want to, although that is less useful!

In a very few contexts the imperial equivalents might feel more natural. MPH, yes, although I am perfectly happy talking about the length of a walk,say, in kilometres. As is obvious from my user name, when thinking about the height of a person feet and inches is my first thought. However, measuring anything else, for example the size of a room, a piece of furniture, the diameter of a cake tin, any sort of craft work, I would always use metres and centimetres without hesitation.

I think what struck me in this case though was I got the impression the OP might be quite young, possibly young enough to be my daughter, and it was mild surprise that this was so common in the younger generation. My adult DD I am pretty sure uses metric measurements for preference all the time.

I have been there. Forget going back because what can they do now? Invest in vitamins to help hair grow like biotin. I have after 30 years found a hairdresser who only takes off an inch as requested! I agree with you when you have long hair hacked off, it's violating. I understand why you're upset, I've had the same happen years ago. I wouldn't get extentions as they can pull the hair and cause damage. Just live with it until it grows, and avoid hairdressers. Both my eldest daughter and sister have curly hair to their bum, they both trim it themselves (with hair flipped upside down to give a natural U trim. They always look great!

She is being dramatic.

if she is at a point with her mental heath where she feels a haircut is almost worse than losing her dad, then she needs therapy. Not telling she’s being reasonable and it’s normal to feel like this.

i agree with pp that yes other circumstances may mean it’s the trigger, but telling the o/p she is nbu is not helping her. She needs to be told this is not the normal reaction to a bad haircut and to seek professional help.

the dh isn’t helping either. He should be getting her into therapy or to her gp, not helping her look for extensions and feeding the drama.

This feels like a huge over-reaction to a disappointing hair cut.

To compare it to the life-changing grief of losing a much-loved parent is utterly bizarre and over the top.

It's hair, it'll grow back. Just don't go to that salon again.

My hair dresser always checks the length with me in between cuts, it sounds like she didn't do her job properly.
But kindly, its not the end of the world, it will grow back.

I can understand how upset you are but what's done is done so perhaps look for something positive? Your hair will be really healthy growing back and your curls will be amazing now the weight has gone. Perhaps try one of the products that encourages curl and lean in to your new look? You sort of do have to get a grip as it can't be glued back on - I'd go back and ask for a refund if you feel up to it.

I'm saddened but not surprised at the amount of people saying YABU. I've not read any comments yet but I can guess. Sadly some posters are awful with their comments and wouldn't dare say it in real life.

I have gone from long to short, though not as much as you and regretted it so I do understand a bit how you are feeling. Don't let your feelings be diminished. You feel why you do and that is fine. Your feelings affect no one else so the ones being unkind should shut up. Your MIL sounds supportive which is lovely to hear, as does your husband.

I'm wondering if extensions are an option which the salon should pay for.

I think a challenge on proportionality of feelings is right though. We've all had bad hair cuts and been thoroughly peed off but to sob and wail about it isn't a good thing and shouldn't be encouraged. Yes, it's upsetting and annoying but resilience is an important skill to develop, as life throws a lot of truly awful shit at you and you do need to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

I think the suggestion of half up is a good one as that makes it look longer.

The problem is when you have long hair - it will actually take years to grow back to a length she is happy with. It’s not a few weeks and it will be grand - it’s maybe a year 18 months. But agree she needs to make the best of it and use the time to keep her hair in amazing condition. But I would certainly complain to the owner of the salon.

I do feel for you. I once went to an expensive organic salon (in London) where my hair was blow dried by a silly girl who didn't know what she was doing and made it look flat and awful.
I was glad I'd driven to the salon (though parking was not easy) as I would not have wanted to go home on public transport looking like that. As soon as I got home I re-did my hair to give usual shape and body.
Definitely complain to the salon - they have taken your money and, to put it very mildly, have not provided the service required (I know it's worse than that).
Also can you leave a review on TrustPilot?
Doubt there's much you can do about the hair except wait for it to grow back (I've had that experience too, though that was as a child and it was my mother who told them to cut it short - it did grow!).

To all the people criticising the OP for saying that the damage done to her hair is akin to losing her father, have you read her update last night where she explained that English is not her first language and this isn’t what she meant? She clarified to say that this was the most distressing thing that has happened to her SINCE losing her father. This is what she said

@AD1509 I worded that wrong. English is not my first language. I have not felt upset about anything else since my father's passing. This is the first occasion, other than my dad's passing that I have been crying about. That is what I mean.

This happens to all of us at some point. It will grow. Extensions do weaken your hair. Wigs are not the most comfortable either. No one is looking you as closely as you think they are. And again - it will grow! :)

Edited as it was a random and unintentional repeat post.

Yes, resilience is important. But that doesn't mean people have the right to tell others how to feel.

nobody’s telling her how to feel.

we’re saying her reaction is not proportionate, and if she’s seriously comparing a bad haircut to her dad dying she needs some help to deal with her issues.

Surely then you are implying, at the very least, that her feelings on her hair are OTT

Therefore this tells her that she is wrong to feel this way.

Ergo, she shouldn't feel like that

Yes they are and you are too.

Get and grip
You're being OTT
Your hair will grow
What are you making a fuss about? etc

All things said on this thread to diminish the OP's feelings.

It might well be BECAUSE she's lost her dad that her hair is so important to her, her having so much chopped off might be the last bloody straw, or she might just be really upset someone has hacked inches of her hair. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be at the very least pissed off if they'd paid for their hair to be butchered !

I take it you read OP's clarification of what she meant by that?

I understand, no way would only cutting 3 inches make your hair that short she has cut way more than what you've asked. There's not much that can be done about your hair unless you want to get extensions in. Thankfully it will grow in time. I would be getting in contact with the manager and getting as much a refund as possible and formally complaining about the specific hairdressers for 1. Her poor work and 2. Her poor attitude. I would then be finding a new hairdresser.

It’s hair, it will grow.

While it’s obviously disappointing that the hairdressers didn’t listen to you comparing it to the loss of a person and grief is ridiculous.

It's not what you wanted or were expecting, but it's done and all the tears in the world aren't going to make your hair magically appear back again. I suspect there was a misunderstanding somewhere along the line. If a hairdresser has indicated that you need 3 inches off, to get rid of the dry/split ends, why would she then cut 12 inches off (or more)???! It doesn't make much sense. She would be experienced enough to know the difference between 3 and 12 inches! I wonder if she indicated that you needed a minimum of 3 inches off to start with? I do understand you being upset, I think most women would be. However, as others have said, your reaction is very extreme, and dramatic - I'm not sure it's all to do with your hair, to be honest. Something else is going on in the background. By all means speak to the salon, and explain what you asked for, compared to the result. Aside from that, try and look on the brighter side - your hair will be much more healthy and it will grow back.

If anyone wants a laugh, I have curly, frizzy hair, it was just past my shoulders and manageable, I could tie it back in a hurry, do two french braids on the sides of my face and pin it up, and with half an hour and a hairdryer make it look decent down.

3 weeks ago now I went to a hairdresser, a friend of a friend on holiday, and asked her to trim the ends (there was a lost in translation somewhere) … I felt the first snip of her sissors and my heart sank…

Three weeks later I have an industrial amount of bobby pins and am starting to feel okay but I cried and cried… this is my shadow during one of my first night post cut wakeups.

Ong you were shorn! 😭

These extreme reactions to hair cuts don’t resonate with me at all. I go from really long to really short every couple of years - I love an extreme change. I like long hair but the upkeep and heaviness of it pisses me off after a while and I go for a complete change, then it grows out and the cycle continues.

Hair does not define you. I hope you can embrace the good bits of having less hair (easier to manage, healthy ends and probably you look very nice with a fresh updated look even if it’s not what you’re used to).