Hairdresser cut my hair too short

[SaraYork]

Last Friday I had a hairdressers appointment. I had long curly hair. When you pulled down the hair it just came above my bum. I told her that I wanted to keep my hair long and that only the necessary bit needed to be taken off. Which was the ends which looked very thin, dry, with split ends. She showed me how much was needed to taken off which was around 3 inches, which I agreed to.

I told her that I last went to the hairdresser's over 1 year ago. She told me that as I wanted to keep it long, I should come back every 3 months, so that they only have to cut off around 1 inch and my hair will look beautiful when it is long.
I also told her that I felt that I feel that my hair is growing more slowly while getting older.
She washed and conditioned my hair. She said that I had lovely curls and should use the scrunch technique with products.

When I got to my chair again for the cut. She showed me what she was going to cut. I said yes that is fine, which was around 3 inches. My hair was flipped to the front over my shoulders and hang over my chest. When my hair was pulled down, it cae to my belly button. But as it is curly it looks shorter, so on my chest.

Before she started cutting I took of my glasses. After some time when I had to look down I noticed that my hair looked short. I grabbed my glasses and put them on to have a look in the mirror. I turned my back sideways towards the mirror. Then I saw that she cut my hair way to short. I told her that and I started crying. She said that is what I told her. Never in my life I would have told her that as I always have had long hair.

It comes now just short over my shoulders. And that is with straightening it as she needed to straighten it as she could see then if everything was cut correctly at the same level. As I was so upset and crying she told me that I don't have to pay the additional charge of 5 pounds which they charge for people who have long hair. After she was done butchering my hair, I left crying the premises. I called my husband who told me to come home. He also said that it is something I would not go for and never that short. He knows me over 15 years.

Since Friday I feel sick to my stomach. I am unable to eat, cry, barely can sleep. I told my husband and mother in law that I have not felt this bad as when my father passed away, 3 years ago. My mother in law told me that it sounds like that I am grieving. And it feels like that. I took great pride in my hair. I have been feeling low lately and I saw going to the hairdresser's as something that I needed and would do me well. As normally I feel great and fabulous after having my hair done.

I have not been able to look at myself in the mirror. I am too afraid too touch my hair as it really makes me feel sad. My husband is abroad now and back on Wednesday. I just feel that I will break down, when I look at it in the mirror again. I also don't dare to brush it as I will feel how short it is.

I am not sure what I want from this post. I just feel so down and don't know what to do. This morning I woke up with lots of back pain which I think is caused by the stress of it all.

My mother in law told me that I have to go back to the hairdresser's and talk to the manager what happened. Not that I will get my hair back, but that they need to know and not happy with their service. In the end it is my word against the girl who cut my hair. I am not even sure at this point if she was fully qualified as what she did to my hair. I have no idea what she was even thinking and was going on in her head. Why, to say to me to come back every 3 months to cut off around 1 inch, and cut all my hair off!?

What do I need to do? Am I AIBU for feeling this way?

Thank you.

I get its upsetting but really I would love to be my main problem. And using the word trauma as a poster did above is actually wrong.

It can be traumatic. People experience trauma for different reasons and respond in different ways.
I had alopaecia over a decade ago. My hair is now long after thinking it would never grow back.
I still can't go to a hairdressers because I can't tolerate people touching my hair and I'd react like. The OP if. They cut it wrong. It took me so long to get to this stage.
My sister cuts it because she understands what I went through and will just cut the bare minimum off.

The hairdresser obviously thought your hair was in a bit of a state as you hadn't had it cut in a year, so she cut off as much as it needed so it wouldn't be in such poor condition. But she should have discussed it with you instead of firing ahead.

That is exactly what you said. You claimed to be as distressed as when your dad died.

No doubt it still is her crowning glory, just a little bit shorter than she had anticipated. Hair cuts are often like that but it will grow. It probably looks very good as it is and I doubt very much the hairdresser did anything wrong.

It's not the OP's problem you have cancer and lost your hair, if it bothers her it bothers her. She doesn't need to base her perspective or feelings over the fact some people have cancer, otherwise we wouldn't be able to be sad about anything. There's always someone that has it worse, it would be like telling someone going through chemo to not be so negative because atleast they have access to chemotherapy unlike other people out there.

It will grow - go to a different hairdresser next time.

Seriously? !!!

Wiggs for a few inches more, that she showed you on wet hair, that you agreed too??

God give me strength

😝

But you're not being punished, OP. You were trying to do something nice for yourself and were unlucky to get a hairdresser who didn't understand what you asked for or made some kind of mistake. Not your fault in any way.
Try to find some way of looking at this which makes it more bearable. You might think for example that every single evening it will be a tiny bit longer than it was in the morning. You might think that by Christmas it will well over your shoulders. And it will certainly be in very good condition when it grows back properly - which it will. Hang on in there.

YANBU to be very sad, upset and longing for your old locks. Not even unreasonable to be a bit "woaahhhh" at passing the brush through. And maybe having a bit of a cry as you put the brush back.

Not being to eat or sleep or function is not normal though.

Firstly, we have all had that brutal haircut that’s too short, and doesn’t feel like self
You will be ok. You’ll get over this. Lot of tears. Lot of faffing with products to style it
I get it, hair is a big part of identify and how we look

Hair dressers get scissor happy. I have finally found one who trims my very long hair but keeps the length.
OP I’d be very upset too but it will grow back. Right now someone has just seen their hair fall out in clumps due to chemo. You have to be grateful for what you have. Complain to the hairdresser and move on.

Similar happened to me a year ago. I spent a year feeling really ugly and shit about myself. I decided against extensions due to the risk of damage to my natural hair. My hair has grown back and I feel so relieved but I refuse to have another hair cut. I just cut the split ends myself.

Your reaction is completely valid. Lots of older societies understood the deeper sensitivities and powers of hair that’s been lost in modern society. In WW2 Native American soldiers who cut their hair reportedly lost their animal tracking abilities. There are whole yogic schools of thought about this too and essentially categorise it as an extension of the nervous system. And aesthetically and culturally so much importance is attached to hair. Hair loss is doubly traumatic with curly hair as it takes longer than many of these straight haired naysayers in the comments will ever understand. So you have my full sympathy. I wanted to tell you also you can get AMAZING curly real hair extensions that my friend has. Look up for example on Instagram Hair By Hasan Uzun, he did my friend’s hair recently and they used microbonds. You can still style it the same way you would if you want to straighten them, but then they go back to curly when wet. So you have the option! Also search #curlyhairextensions for more inspiration. And good luck!!!

I agree with a few PP:

I would be angry with so much more than agreed being taken off.

I think your reaction is somewhat disproportionate and I’d consider that you may have some other issues with your mental health that need dealing with.

I don’t say that to pick at you. My lack of resilience was a sign I really needed to see the GP as my depression had tipped into unmanageable without assistance.

next time you need to go to a curly hair specialist. My daughter has very curly hair and we go to someone who knows how to cut it. For starters, you never straighten curly hair to cut it. That’s the most absurd thing I’ve heard. Curls are all different so when it curls back up they will all be different lengths. Sounds like she had no idea. I’d do some research to take about how to cut curly hair and go back with that when you speak to the manager. Also leave a review

I’ve only ever had long dark curly waist length hair, even in the 80’s when everyone had blonde short flicks.

However it did get loped by a shit hairdresser once, sadly just before my passport photo. I had 10 years of me with stupid hair every time I went on holiday.
In the real world it was long again in 2 years.
Now my shiny conker hair is dry and going grey. That’s worse.

Op I bet now it’s cut you’ll notice how quickly it grows. By the summer it will look amazing.

Of course the hairdresser did something wrong, she cut about 9 inches more off than she should have! That's a major fuck up. I also would be really upset and angry about it.

As a fellow curly haired girl I don’t understand why she straightened it to cut it? When I have my hair cut the hairdresser doesn’t straighten it, and none of my previous hairdressers have either.
You’re are not being unreasonable to feel so disappointed but, and I mean this gently and kindly, you sound like you are too invested in it, it is hair and it will grown back. It will also have benefited from a good trim, I have mine cut every 6-9 months and the hairdresser usually takes a couple of inches off.
You were paying for service and you didn’t get what you asked for, complain and ask for a refund however please don’t sit there crying and fretting over it, to liken the feelings to grief and despair seems an overreaction.
Its worth researching hair dressers that specialise in cutting curly hair and using them in future.

I’ve had this happen a few times. The last time was probably 2 years ago now. My hair was down past my ribcage and I asked her to trim 3 cm off. She whacked off about 28 cm. After that I learned to cut it myself and only go to have it coloured. Life is too short to spend it regrowing hair that you lost after being assured that she was “just dusting the ends off.”

As to why they do it, hairdressers are hairdressers because they like cutting hair (and all the rest). When they get a nice big canvas of long hair in front of them of course they want to take scissors to it. Unfortunately a lot of them start snipping away and don’t realize how carried away they’ve gotten until they have a shocked or tearful client in front of them.

@lessglittermoremud

I have curly hair and they straighten mine depending on the cut.

Some cuts designed to be worn straight and curly need to be shaped straight as well.

“I told my husband and mother in law that I have not felt this bad as when my father passed away, 3 years ago” - you are aware we all have the capability of reading right? This is literally what you said. And it’s an utterly neurotic response.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’ve been in your shoes and it was an awful experience. It was so much of who I was and the only thing I liked about my appearance that I genuinely wouldn’t have left the house apart from I didn’t want to get sacked.

Gently it does sound like you need to see GP for some support if you were feeling down before. When there are underlying emotions it can heighten everything else which is what I think you’re experiencing.

Not invalidating the fact you have had a dreadful experience. Sounds like she doesn’t know what an inch is to be so extremely out. I would email salon manager with pictures before and after and request a massive discount on extensions.

It sounds like she took off way more than was agreed and has given you a dramatic change which would have been a horrible shock. My last cut the hairdresser took off a lot more than I had expected and I was quite upset too as it was looking really glorious and long. It’s not nice going into something you think will be pampering and ending up grieving for your lost locks! However, it WILL grow back! And you probably feel like it looks shorter than it actually does. In my case I was soothed by a few photos I saw of me that showed that I did actually have long hair still - in my mind I basically had a bob (hair dysmorphia maybe haha).

To help you through I would advise keeping it in up do’s with nice claw clips until you have recovered. In a few weeks it won’t be so shocking and in a few months it will probably be to your “agreed” length.