Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult man swearing at a toddler

252 replies

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:49

We have a family membership to Kew Gardens. I know it’s expensive, but we go almost every weekend to let our children run around and enjoy being outside.

My youngest child is 18 months old. He is in that gorgeous stage where he had just started to talk a little more coherently and where he absolutely loves running around and climbing. He can follow simple instructions….. when he wants to!

If you know Kew, we were over by the Japanese gardens. My eldest thinks this is the most beautiful place that she’s ever seen.

This area has some gravel sections where the stones are raked. They are not to be walked on.

As you can imagine, my son (who was with my husband) immediately ran into the middle of one of these areas. My husband called to my son (which he thought was a hilarious game) and then my husband went to go and scoop him up. Cue toddler screaming “No daddy!”.

At this point a man in his thirties sitting on a bench with a woman turns around and tells us “you cannot walk on that.” I relied, “we know, but he’s a toddler and he doesn’t understand that yet.”

To be clear, my husband has already removed my son.

The man then continues “What is wrong with you Karen? Parent your children. You need to have boundaries. What is wrong with you? You are a terrible parent!”

This is with escalating agitation. My son, still with his Dad, starts to cry because there is a man shouting at his mum.

I should have walked away, but I said still very calmly:

”Karen‽ He is not even two. He is not yet cognitively developed enough to understand this.”

To which the man stood up, turned to my son and shouted “You little sod, don’t go on the f-ing stones!”

I said “You are shouting at a toddler. For when you have calmed down, we forgive you for this.” And, I know pettily, walked across the stones myself to go and hug my child.

Was I unreasonable in this? Kew is made for people of all ages. We absolutely respect it, and would have taken my son off the gravel regardless of people being around, but I cannot comprehend this man‘s actions.

I’ve got thick skin, so tell me how it is if I’m wrong.

OP posts:
applegingermint · 07/09/2025 18:52

No one should be swearing at a toddler, ever, but it’s definitely not okay to let your child run into places they shouldn’t be. Your husband shouldn’t have let it happen in the first place. 18 month olds don’t move that fast.

defrazzled · 07/09/2025 18:52

He was horrible but you were completely in the wrong here. The Royal Botanical Gardens are not a playground for your boisterous toddler no matter how much you've paid.

FuzzyWolf · 07/09/2025 18:54

I agree that nobody should shout or intimidate a toddler but you and your DH should never have let the situation arise where your DS was where he shouldn’t be. He’s only at a gorgeous age to you, not to others.

Evaka · 07/09/2025 18:54

Being generous, the guy possibly didn't have full comprehension of the situation himself? Im struggling to imagine a typical 30 something lad giving a shit.

Evaka · 07/09/2025 18:55

To previous posters saying you should never have allowed the situation to arise, he didnt run into an operating theatre!

maxisback · 07/09/2025 18:55

I can’t imagine why your son was able to immediately run into the middle of an area he wasn’t allowed on. You say he isn’t cognitively developed enough to understand this but seem to be missing the fact that makes it your job to prevent your child going into no go areas. Presumably you ensure he doesn’t run into roads so are capable of doing so, but just chose not to in this scenario.

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:57

If you don’t know the area, this is right by a footpath and looks a bit like a sandpit.

OP posts:
HappyNewTaxYear · 07/09/2025 18:57

The man was out of order, way out of order. But why did you lecture him about cognitive development? You could have just said ‘Oops sorry, I should have been quicker there’. Your husband should have kept your son closer and not allowed him on to the gravel in the first place.

Myhairissopoofy · 07/09/2025 18:58

“He’s at that gorgeous age where…”.

Only gorgeous to you. And has zero bearing on anything. Sounds like you’re trying to excuse everything because he’s oh so gorgeous.

lilseb · 07/09/2025 18:58

Good on you for sticking up for yourself.

My understanding is your crime is toddler went somewherw he shouldn't have which you went to rectify, and you didn't apologise to a random man who had nothing to do with situation and who then reacted appallingly.

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:58

HappyNewTaxYear · 07/09/2025 18:57

The man was out of order, way out of order. But why did you lecture him about cognitive development? You could have just said ‘Oops sorry, I should have been quicker there’. Your husband should have kept your son closer and not allowed him on to the gravel in the first place.

He earned the lecture by calling me a bad parent.

I did also note, my husband who was with my son was not a bad parent. Loved the casual misogyny.

OP posts:
ludicrouslycapaciousbags · 07/09/2025 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

The type with children. 😊

OP posts:
Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 07/09/2025 19:00

He’ll understand when he has his own kids

ShowMeTheSushi · 07/09/2025 19:01

He was totally out of order swearing at a toddler, but your “he’s only a toddler so doesn’t understand” line is exactly why people get frustrated — too many parents treat public spaces like their personal playgrounds. You do understand the rules, so that’s where your responsibility kicks in.

Fridgetapas · 07/09/2025 19:02

Think you were too reasonable really… a “fuck off you twat” would have been plenty for him.

Thegreatestoftheseislove · 07/09/2025 19:02

Sorry @AnnaSunshine I said you were unreasonable on several counts:

  1. Not everyone loves our gorgeously cute little ones as much at the parent.
  2. You should have stopped your child going into a 'no go' area. At this age, that is your responsibility.
  3. Even out of a (possibly justifiable sense of pettiness) you should never have walked across the stones yourself - that sends a really poor message to your child.

The sweary chap was also out of order to swear, but there's the old saying: two wrongs do not make a right.

TeaAndMuffins · 07/09/2025 19:05

He ran onto some stones. You told him to stop. Then you went and got him. I don't understand what people think you did wrong?

HappyNewTaxYear · 07/09/2025 19:08

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:58

He earned the lecture by calling me a bad parent.

I did also note, my husband who was with my son was not a bad parent. Loved the casual misogyny.

Did your husband back you up when this man was having a go at you?

Charabanc · 07/09/2025 19:08

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:00

The type with children. 😊

The type who knows Kew Gardens well enough to know that they should have been holding the toddler's hand, or carrying him, when they went into the Japanese garden.

A Japanese garden is all about calm and quiet contemplation of the beautiful patterns.

You have two children - one to each parent. But you let your indulgence of your son spoil the garden for others.

Tontostitis · 07/09/2025 19:10

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:57

If you don’t know the area, this is right by a footpath and looks a bit like a sandpit.

It really doesn't it's the peace and tranquility garden not your toddlers sandpit

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:11

HappyNewTaxYear · 07/09/2025 19:08

Did your husband back you up when this man was having a go at you?

My husband was with our children a few metres away, where he’d carried my son to. There wasn’t much to back up, as I walked off. He asked if I was okay.

OP posts:
hellohellooo · 07/09/2025 19:12

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:57

If you don’t know the area, this is right by a footpath and looks a bit like a sandpit.

Op he is a total idiot

I

Would

Be

Fuming !!!!!!!!!!!

These things can happen but did that response

hellohellooo · 07/09/2025 19:12

Sod

Idiot man
Just try to forget him x

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:13

Charabanc · 07/09/2025 19:08

The type who knows Kew Gardens well enough to know that they should have been holding the toddler's hand, or carrying him, when they went into the Japanese garden.

A Japanese garden is all about calm and quiet contemplation of the beautiful patterns.

You have two children - one to each parent. But you let your indulgence of your son spoil the garden for others.

That’s fair.

But, at this point there was a woman having her friend take an extensive social media video of her doing lots of poses (loudly!) and the aforementioned couple watching videos on their phones.

Both of which is fine by me…

OP posts: