Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult man swearing at a toddler

252 replies

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:49

We have a family membership to Kew Gardens. I know it’s expensive, but we go almost every weekend to let our children run around and enjoy being outside.

My youngest child is 18 months old. He is in that gorgeous stage where he had just started to talk a little more coherently and where he absolutely loves running around and climbing. He can follow simple instructions….. when he wants to!

If you know Kew, we were over by the Japanese gardens. My eldest thinks this is the most beautiful place that she’s ever seen.

This area has some gravel sections where the stones are raked. They are not to be walked on.

As you can imagine, my son (who was with my husband) immediately ran into the middle of one of these areas. My husband called to my son (which he thought was a hilarious game) and then my husband went to go and scoop him up. Cue toddler screaming “No daddy!”.

At this point a man in his thirties sitting on a bench with a woman turns around and tells us “you cannot walk on that.” I relied, “we know, but he’s a toddler and he doesn’t understand that yet.”

To be clear, my husband has already removed my son.

The man then continues “What is wrong with you Karen? Parent your children. You need to have boundaries. What is wrong with you? You are a terrible parent!”

This is with escalating agitation. My son, still with his Dad, starts to cry because there is a man shouting at his mum.

I should have walked away, but I said still very calmly:

”Karen‽ He is not even two. He is not yet cognitively developed enough to understand this.”

To which the man stood up, turned to my son and shouted “You little sod, don’t go on the f-ing stones!”

I said “You are shouting at a toddler. For when you have calmed down, we forgive you for this.” And, I know pettily, walked across the stones myself to go and hug my child.

Was I unreasonable in this? Kew is made for people of all ages. We absolutely respect it, and would have taken my son off the gravel regardless of people being around, but I cannot comprehend this man‘s actions.

I’ve got thick skin, so tell me how it is if I’m wrong.

OP posts:
Charabanc · 07/09/2025 19:14

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:13

That’s fair.

But, at this point there was a woman having her friend take an extensive social media video of her doing lots of poses (loudly!) and the aforementioned couple watching videos on their phones.

Both of which is fine by me…

And neither of which was damaging the garden. Would you have let him trample the tulips in spring? Would that have got an "Oh well!" reaction from you, like this did?

BlackberrySky · 07/09/2025 19:16

He sounds really unpleasant, and most unlike the usual vibe of Kew Gardens. I know exactly where you mean OP, and it's really easy for a toddler to wander onto those stones. Your DH immediately stopped your DS from doing so, not sure what else you could have done.

But it's one of those times to rise above and ignore. There is rarely anything to be gained from engaging with people like him. It would probably have been better to have just pretended you didn't hear and forged ahead with your day.

Aniedu · 07/09/2025 19:16

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:57

If you don’t know the area, this is right by a footpath and looks a bit like a sandpit.

I do know the area. Sounds like you do to, so shouldn’t have been too much of a surprise.

I voted YABU because of the weird ‘we forgive you for this’ comment…. Yea he shouldn’t have sworn at a child, strange
behaviour, but sounds like you’ve not forgiven him at all!

Charabanc · 07/09/2025 19:17

BlackberrySky · 07/09/2025 19:16

He sounds really unpleasant, and most unlike the usual vibe of Kew Gardens. I know exactly where you mean OP, and it's really easy for a toddler to wander onto those stones. Your DH immediately stopped your DS from doing so, not sure what else you could have done.

But it's one of those times to rise above and ignore. There is rarely anything to be gained from engaging with people like him. It would probably have been better to have just pretended you didn't hear and forged ahead with your day.

not sure what else you could have done.

To have been holding the toddler's hand in the first place, to prevent him and his father from ruining the gravel.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/09/2025 19:17

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:00

The type with children. 😊

No the type that will let them grow up doing what they like. Well after all they are "gorgeous".

Tontostitis · 07/09/2025 19:18

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:13

That’s fair.

But, at this point there was a woman having her friend take an extensive social media video of her doing lots of poses (loudly!) and the aforementioned couple watching videos on their phones.

Both of which is fine by me…

Honestly you need to stop. You posted in AIBU and have been told you are and now are just adding more and more irrelevant information trying to make people say your shoddy parenting was actually fine. It wasn't. He shouldn't have shouted at you, you should have been better parents. Time to either learn the lesson or walk away from public opinion as you won't change it now.

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:18

Charabanc · 07/09/2025 19:14

And neither of which was damaging the garden. Would you have let him trample the tulips in spring? Would that have got an "Oh well!" reaction from you, like this did?

There must be so many people out there who feel constantly terrified as parents because of the perfectionism that seems to be expected.

No, we’re not teaching our kids that. It’s okay to get things wrong, you just make them right.

I’m afraid standing on some stones for ten seconds (which didn’t leave a mark) is not something I think anyone should feel terribly guilty about.

Obviously, we don’t let our children behave destructively in public or at home. But we are not perfect or striving to be.

I hope anyone reading this who feels that way can take some comfort from this, relax and enjoy life!

OP posts:
Fridgetapas · 07/09/2025 19:19

Tontostitis · 07/09/2025 19:18

Honestly you need to stop. You posted in AIBU and have been told you are and now are just adding more and more irrelevant information trying to make people say your shoddy parenting was actually fine. It wasn't. He shouldn't have shouted at you, you should have been better parents. Time to either learn the lesson or walk away from public opinion as you won't change it now.

Oh you stop. Shoddy parenting indeed..her toddler run onto some stones and her husband picked him up. Hardly the crime of the century.

CurlewKate · 07/09/2025 19:20

no one should swear at a toddler. The toddler should not have been behaving the way he was. These two points are not related.

choccytime · 07/09/2025 19:22

Sorry OP YABVU for saying your child is at a gorgeous age [it isn't ] and the strange comment about we forgive you , odd

godmum56 · 07/09/2025 19:22

ShowMeTheSushi · 07/09/2025 19:01

He was totally out of order swearing at a toddler, but your “he’s only a toddler so doesn’t understand” line is exactly why people get frustrated — too many parents treat public spaces like their personal playgrounds. You do understand the rules, so that’s where your responsibility kicks in.

This. Why not have reins for areas such as this?

Megapint · 07/09/2025 19:22

The whole interaction sounds odd but & I probably wouldn't have got into a discussion about cognitive abilities. Just give them a 'fuck off 'stare. You'll get a hard time tho because there's a large group around these parts who's kids have never picked a flower, walked on a wall or strayed 2mm off a path.

Alwayssnacking · 07/09/2025 19:22

Oh my word, can't believe some of the pp. 18m olds are fast! As soon as he got on the stones one of the parents went to remove him. That's it done. Everything is fine. You followed the rules just lost a tiny bit of control for a second and no one can say that has never happened to them with watching a toddler. The man was completely in the wrong, he should not be talking to anyone like that never mind a toddler !! I'm with you OP all the way

ShesTheAlbatross · 07/09/2025 19:23

I’ve googled, and agree, it looks a bit sandpit-like. But you’ve been before, so you & DH know which bits are tempting to a toddler, and should have held his hand.

However, obviously the most unreasonable person by a long way was the man shouting and swearing at a toddler. There is no circumstance where I would shout in anger at a child that age.

WhiskyintheJarr · 07/09/2025 19:23

I’m on the fence. The guy was obviously horrible but I do get fed up of people letting their toddlers do what they like because “aww isnt he cute 🥰”

my daughter and I were playing giant chess in the park the other day. Toddler came over and started running away with the pieces. His mother just recorded it 🫤 didn’t bother to stop him.

Charabanc · 07/09/2025 19:26

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 19:18

There must be so many people out there who feel constantly terrified as parents because of the perfectionism that seems to be expected.

No, we’re not teaching our kids that. It’s okay to get things wrong, you just make them right.

I’m afraid standing on some stones for ten seconds (which didn’t leave a mark) is not something I think anyone should feel terribly guilty about.

Obviously, we don’t let our children behave destructively in public or at home. But we are not perfect or striving to be.

I hope anyone reading this who feels that way can take some comfort from this, relax and enjoy life!

standing on some stones for ten seconds (which didn’t leave a mark)

Well now your story is changing. Because in your OP you wrote:

my son (who was with my husband) immediately ran into the middle of one of these areas. My husband called to my son (which he thought was a hilarious game) and then my husband went to go and scoop him up.

Did your toddler and DH hover over the gravel, or what?

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 07/09/2025 19:31

Myhairissopoofy · 07/09/2025 18:58

“He’s at that gorgeous age where…”.

Only gorgeous to you. And has zero bearing on anything. Sounds like you’re trying to excuse everything because he’s oh so gorgeous.

I think toddlers that age are gorgeous. I miss mine being that age. So not only her.

Miserygutsandtheblastedcold · 07/09/2025 19:31

Oh my god, who cares if a child steps on some gravel. People seriously need to unclench

LarkspurLane · 07/09/2025 19:35

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 07/09/2025 19:31

I think toddlers that age are gorgeous. I miss mine being that age. So not only her.

I also love toddlers.
A lot more than sweary men in their 30s.
But each to their own.

YelloDaisy · 07/09/2025 19:39

Miserygutsandtheblastedcold · 07/09/2025 19:31

Oh my god, who cares if a child steps on some gravel. People seriously need to unclench

Absolutely -people on MN aren’t genuine imv - they just want to shitstir

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/09/2025 19:41

In a few years time when the shouty man has a toddler of his own, he’ll realise what an absolute bell-end of a twat he was to you. Forget about him.

Holiday24 · 07/09/2025 19:44

Accidents happen. He sounds like quite an angry man. Probably best to roll your eyes and then move on.

AffableApple · 07/09/2025 19:46

He shouldn't have shouted at any of you, certainly not a toddler. Absolutely not.

But OMFG, if your toddler can run somewhere they're not supposed to, watch them like a hawk, or don't take them. Take them somewhere more appropriate.

And don't also walk across somewhere you're not supposed to, to piss someone off who's pissed off with you, in a beautiful and grown-up space.

CurlewKate · 07/09/2025 19:47

When your toddler does something they shouldn’t be doing you stop them then apologise as necessary. I am a bit sceptical about the very stilted dialogue in the OP, by the way. Nobody talks like that!

bigwhitedog · 07/09/2025 19:48

The man was super unreasonable obviously, but you are too. You might think it's a 'gorgeous stage' (catch yourself on) but you do actually need to control your child and not let him be wild and free and 'gorgeous'. You do sound a bit of a pain in the arse.

Swipe left for the next trending thread