Adult man swearing at a toddler

[AnnaSunshine]

We have a family membership to Kew Gardens. I know it’s expensive, but we go almost every weekend to let our children run around and enjoy being outside.

My youngest child is 18 months old. He is in that gorgeous stage where he had just started to talk a little more coherently and where he absolutely loves running around and climbing. He can follow simple instructions….. when he wants to!

If you know Kew, we were over by the Japanese gardens. My eldest thinks this is the most beautiful place that she’s ever seen.

This area has some gravel sections where the stones are raked. They are not to be walked on.

As you can imagine, my son (who was with my husband) immediately ran into the middle of one of these areas. My husband called to my son (which he thought was a hilarious game) and then my husband went to go and scoop him up. Cue toddler screaming “No daddy!”.

At this point a man in his thirties sitting on a bench with a woman turns around and tells us “you cannot walk on that.” I relied, “we know, but he’s a toddler and he doesn’t understand that yet.”

To be clear, my husband has already removed my son.

The man then continues “What is wrong with you Karen? Parent your children. You need to have boundaries. What is wrong with you? You are a terrible parent!”

This is with escalating agitation. My son, still with his Dad, starts to cry because there is a man shouting at his mum.

I should have walked away, but I said still very calmly:

”Karen‽ He is not even two. He is not yet cognitively developed enough to understand this.”

To which the man stood up, turned to my son and shouted “You little sod, don’t go on the f-ing stones!”

I said “You are shouting at a toddler. For when you have calmed down, we forgive you for this.” And, I know pettily, walked across the stones myself to go and hug my child.

Was I unreasonable in this? Kew is made for people of all ages. We absolutely respect it, and would have taken my son off the gravel regardless of people being around, but I cannot comprehend this man‘s actions.

I’ve got thick skin, so tell me how it is if I’m wrong.

Can't believe people are defending this horrible man

OP you’ve done the typical “I’ll post in AIBU but if anyone says I’m unreasonable I’ll tell them why I’m not”

No need for the man's rudeness but you sound very self-centred. You could have held toddler's hand, put him on reins, put him in the buggy, or carried him in the Japanese garden if you had to take him in there at all (which you didn't). You chose to do none of these things. I suspect the shouty man said what others were also thinking.

You wound the man up, yeh he shouldn't have sworn at a child, but all this " we forgive you" and talking about cognitive development, quite arrogant, sounds like you thought you were far superior to him. You were just as bad as him.

He sounds gorgeous to me too OP.

What a vile man. Disproportionate and unacceptable behaviour.

I don’t think anyone is defending him. He can be irrational and unreasonable (and an angry bellend) and the OP can also be wrong. They are not mutually exclusive.

Mn full of absolute jobsworths as usual. He stood on a patch of gravel, not a rare orchid.

You honestly need to control your toddler. He is very likely only cute and adorable to you. Leave the Kew Gardens trips to a time when he is more able to understand how he needs to behave.

Id have told him to piss off grandad, did he forget his tablets.

He was completely in the wrong. Yours was a very small misdemeanor in my opinion. It's hard to have eyes everywhere and the way he spoke to you and your son was disgusting.

Toddler reins

The whole things sounds bizarre, but OP I don't understand how all three of you managed to walk on the carefully raked gravel without leaving any indentations...

OP, may I give you some words of advice that might make your parenting journey easier? Promise I'm not trying to be patronising here.

There are only certain people in the world that are worth reasoning with. This man was not one of them.

Rather than waste words on him explaining your actions, a better response would have been "We know, we've got him off the stones. Now sod off and don't come near our son again, otherwise we'll report you for harassing us and him. Your behaviour is not acceptable and, guess what, you're a grown-up not a toddler."

Somewhere along the line, since becoming a parent, I've worked out that just because someone thinks that my children are out-of-line doesn't give them carte blanche to harass or be aggressive towards them and me. I'll address my kids' behaviour if I think they're in the wrong or the criticism is justified, and will apologise if necessary. But if someone is being unreasonable or aggressive back, then I'll tell them in no uncertain terms to go away and leave us alone.

Exactly! I just noticed this from the OP:

And, I know pettily, walked across the stones myself to go and hug my child.

And yet there were no marks on the gravel?!

Perfectly said

So your toddler, your DH, and you, have all walked on the carefully raked gravel that is part of the intrinsic calm and contemplation of a Japanese garden.

I'm with the sweary guy, tbh.

YABU for “We forgive you for this.” That’s utterly nauseating.

He didn't go near their son. Their son was running around on the gravel, his father went to get him, and then his mother "pettily" (in her own words) walked all over the gravel as well.

Absolutely. And one where the story changes as the OP gets more defensive in the face of criticism...

He yelled and swore directly at a toddler in an aggressive manner. Not acceptable. Anyone who thinks it is has very poor boundaries.

OP your child is at a gorgeous age, (mine got away from me a few times at that age too) and the man was a totally obnoxious, misogynistic cunt. I hope he gets his balls trapped in his zip in the public loos and you had a lovely rest of your day as a family. Xx

Ffs has no ones toddler ever done something they shouldn’t cos you weren’t quick enough? Give them a break as if the OP deserved to be called a bad mum and her toddler to be shouted at 🙄

at least she’s taking her kids places and offering them new experiences. Same people on here will moan about kids with screens

😂 My thoughts exactly.

The toddler ran onto an area he shouldn’t have, the parent removed him from the area and said you can’t go there etc. end of story.

He’s 18 months old and learning about the world.
It’s a non issue, but the weird man reacted ott and made it into a big thing when it really isn’t. Who swears at a child? A big man child, that’s who.

Classic mn.

I know its nonsensical but I cannot be annoyed at gorgeous cute kids. Hes a little baby, its just a garden. If it were precious/ rare then they'd have properly cordoned it off.
And that bloke is a knob.

He was more unreasonable. You were still unreasonable.

You were unreasonable to walk across the stones afterwards. These gardens are places of spiritual and cultural significance. You wouldn't kick a church altar if someone told your toddler off for climbing on it.

The man was obviously unreasonable to swear at a toddler. And to call you Karen (especially as you actually weren't being a Karen - he was by policing the space) and a bad parent.

Where I think you could reflect on that is that you didn't just accept that you and your child were in the wrong and apologise (no, it wasn't a huge error that deserved his ire). "Yes, sorry, we'll keep a tight hold now," is all you needed to say. Instead, each of your responses was an excuse.