Adult man swearing at a toddler

[AnnaSunshine]

We have a family membership to Kew Gardens. I know it’s expensive, but we go almost every weekend to let our children run around and enjoy being outside.

My youngest child is 18 months old. He is in that gorgeous stage where he had just started to talk a little more coherently and where he absolutely loves running around and climbing. He can follow simple instructions….. when he wants to!

If you know Kew, we were over by the Japanese gardens. My eldest thinks this is the most beautiful place that she’s ever seen.

This area has some gravel sections where the stones are raked. They are not to be walked on.

As you can imagine, my son (who was with my husband) immediately ran into the middle of one of these areas. My husband called to my son (which he thought was a hilarious game) and then my husband went to go and scoop him up. Cue toddler screaming “No daddy!”.

At this point a man in his thirties sitting on a bench with a woman turns around and tells us “you cannot walk on that.” I relied, “we know, but he’s a toddler and he doesn’t understand that yet.”

To be clear, my husband has already removed my son.

The man then continues “What is wrong with you Karen? Parent your children. You need to have boundaries. What is wrong with you? You are a terrible parent!”

This is with escalating agitation. My son, still with his Dad, starts to cry because there is a man shouting at his mum.

I should have walked away, but I said still very calmly:

”Karen‽ He is not even two. He is not yet cognitively developed enough to understand this.”

To which the man stood up, turned to my son and shouted “You little sod, don’t go on the f-ing stones!”

I said “You are shouting at a toddler. For when you have calmed down, we forgive you for this.” And, I know pettily, walked across the stones myself to go and hug my child.

Was I unreasonable in this? Kew is made for people of all ages. We absolutely respect it, and would have taken my son off the gravel regardless of people being around, but I cannot comprehend this man‘s actions.

I’ve got thick skin, so tell me how it is if I’m wrong.

The man was on the wrong to shout at you and your child.

But this was not the place to let your toddler run about.

This. A simple “Fuck off you weirdo” would have sufficed (but then I’ve been away from South East for far too long).
On the other hand, reins are always a great idea.

How is it reductive? You and your DH have allowed your toddler to run into an area he shouldn’t have been in. Are you saying that it’s ok if it’s not dangerous and it’s simply somewhere he’s not supposed to be? Because that’s a big admission to make on your parenting choices.

I'm not sure why you mentioned his cognitive development...that's odd.

Your toddler running on an area he should not have been was your and your dh's failure and the cognitive development of a two year old is irrelevent to that.

The man was unreasonable to shout and for his mysogynistic language. But his reasoning was sound. Giving toddlers the chance to access restricted areas is poor and inattentive parenting. Yabu.

I think there is a huge difference to putting a child in danger and not.

If you disagree, that’s fine.

@AnnaSunshine are you cognitively developed enough to know that your 18 month old DC should not run in the road and stay on the pavement?

Do you need a different set of skills to transfer this cognitive ability when parenting in Kew Gardens in relation to the paths they would like people to walk on?

Even if what I am saying is reductive it’s still valid.

fuck's sake, the kid stood on some gravel, he didn't throw himself at a ming vase or kick the guy's puppy, not sure how anyone was negatively affected

I never understand the need to treat people poorly on here.

I invite you to go and visit Kew. It is the ultimate family friendly place, marketed that way and designed to be run all over. There are benches hidden off the beaten path all over.

This with bells on

Some of them do, my eldest could turn on a dime and bolt immediately by that age. He walked at 7.5 months independently, he was like a tiny sprinter by a year old. I've never seen a child move so fast.

I’d consider backpack reins. You can get them from Asda, but it sounds like you’d prefer some sort of bespoke organic pair , to go with your expensive Kew membership, I’m sure they can be found on t’internet also.

I couldn't have let my son walk on a pavement that age, if you've never had a kid like that it's hard to explain, if I'd only ever had my youngest I'd not believe a kid could pull a hand away and bolt like he used to. He had to be in a buggy, sling or car seat if not in a safely enclosed space and even then followed constantly. His physical capabilities far outweighed his understanding.

I can’t believe this needs to be explained to someone who is responsible for bringing up a fully functioning member of society, but it’s not a case of danger versus non danger. It’s a case of places where it’s ok for a two year old to run about unrestricted, and places where it’s not ok for a two year old to run about unrestricted.

You and your DH have put your child through an experience where he’s seen an aggressive man shouting at his mum. He’s been frightened because you were being lazy parents and failing to anticipate that he would find it irresistible to run into that area. It was all so easily avoidable and, quite frankly, your two year old is the only one in this situation who is coming out of it without having acted like a dickhead.

Are there any fans of Mickey Flanagan on this thread? Is anyone else remembering his joke about cool liberal parents and cunt lazy parents?

I couldn't have let my son walk on a pavement that age, if you've never had a kid like that it's hard to explain, if I'd only ever had my youngest I'd not believe a kid could pull a hand away and bolt like he used to. He had to be in a buggy, sling or car seat if not in a safely enclosed space and even then followed constantly. His physical capabilities far outweighed his understanding.

I’m confused, you stated your toddler ran in an area people are not permitted to go in, then state it’s the ultimate in child friendly and literally meant to be ‘run all over’? Which one is it? It’s either a play park or a garden.

I was describing Kew in general to someone who suggested that a toddler leaving the footpath in Kew was the same as running into a road.

Hope that makes sense and is clear!

People don’t defend themselves on here enough.

My husband corrected the mistake immediately. Your assumptions and horrible slur are really unwelcome.

Well, at least someone told him.

No, it doesn’t make sense, because anyone who has ever visited Kew, or anywhere similar, knows that there are areas where children are free to run about to their heart’s content and there are other areas where parents need to step in and, you know, actually parent to ensure that their DC do not go in places where they’re not supposed to go.

The shouting man absolutely shouldn’t have shouted. But whoever was closest to your child was being a lazy and ineffective parent.

I hope that you don’t spend your nights lying awake thinking about all the times that you have fallen short in any way. Instead I hope that you practice kindness and compassion.

Oh, no, he did NOT say "Karen" ??!!? 🤓Unless that's your actual name and he somehow overheard or spotted it written on you I strongly suspect that he is a time traveller from the 2010s and should be sent back.

But of course you weren't being unreasonable to stand up for yourself and the child. I'd have probably said worse. No harm was done and the child wasn't in any danger, and it didn't impact anyone except your family. And what the child had done wrong was already corrected by his dad by the time Captain Incel opened his mouth, so why was the oaf yelling at you?

You admitted to flouncing defiantly in the same restricted area your toddler did in order to make a point to the man in question!

As I said before the man was wrong. But, you did not come out looking good either.

What do you think I’ve assumed? I’ve gone on what you’ve said.

Yes, I freely admit that was petty. I said that in the post.

Do you ever do anything less than perfect?

No, the child was frightened because an abusive man shouted at him. Not because of the actions of his parents.

My kids have had drunken abuse yelled at them when minding their own business walking along on the pavement. Was that my fault for popping to the shop with them?

It doesn't matter what you do, abusers gonna abuse.