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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Adult man swearing at a toddler

252 replies

AnnaSunshine · 07/09/2025 18:49

We have a family membership to Kew Gardens. I know it’s expensive, but we go almost every weekend to let our children run around and enjoy being outside.

My youngest child is 18 months old. He is in that gorgeous stage where he had just started to talk a little more coherently and where he absolutely loves running around and climbing. He can follow simple instructions….. when he wants to!

If you know Kew, we were over by the Japanese gardens. My eldest thinks this is the most beautiful place that she’s ever seen.

This area has some gravel sections where the stones are raked. They are not to be walked on.

As you can imagine, my son (who was with my husband) immediately ran into the middle of one of these areas. My husband called to my son (which he thought was a hilarious game) and then my husband went to go and scoop him up. Cue toddler screaming “No daddy!”.

At this point a man in his thirties sitting on a bench with a woman turns around and tells us “you cannot walk on that.” I relied, “we know, but he’s a toddler and he doesn’t understand that yet.”

To be clear, my husband has already removed my son.

The man then continues “What is wrong with you Karen? Parent your children. You need to have boundaries. What is wrong with you? You are a terrible parent!”

This is with escalating agitation. My son, still with his Dad, starts to cry because there is a man shouting at his mum.

I should have walked away, but I said still very calmly:

”Karen‽ He is not even two. He is not yet cognitively developed enough to understand this.”

To which the man stood up, turned to my son and shouted “You little sod, don’t go on the f-ing stones!”

I said “You are shouting at a toddler. For when you have calmed down, we forgive you for this.” And, I know pettily, walked across the stones myself to go and hug my child.

Was I unreasonable in this? Kew is made for people of all ages. We absolutely respect it, and would have taken my son off the gravel regardless of people being around, but I cannot comprehend this man‘s actions.

I’ve got thick skin, so tell me how it is if I’m wrong.

OP posts:
Katywester · 08/09/2025 18:26

Oh gosh people. Give the lady a break.
The toddler did something he shouldn't have. The dad responded ASAP and the guy acted like a complete dick!

JungAtHeart · 08/09/2025 18:44

I was on a plane a while back where a toddler repeatedly kicked the back of my seat. Eventually I to tried to speak to the parents and asked them to have him to stop. I had barely said a word before the Father began to talk over me and explain that he was a ‘toddler’ and that’s what they do … I explained that I had two DDs who had been on countless planes as ‘toddlers’ and they were simply never ALLOWED to do that. Thankfully the cabin crew member came over immediately and spoke to him. This one is on you OP. You allowed your child to run on an area he wasn’t supposed to… the man was rude and put of order. But you gave him an excuse to be.

Airspice · 08/09/2025 19:02

If there’s one thing I can’t stand is parents who have no control (or can’t be bothered) over their own children. Your ‘gorgeous’ little boy is not seen as that by anyone else, just a naughty child in a quiet serene place.

Gymrabbit · 08/09/2025 19:02

TeaAndMuffins · 08/09/2025 17:59

How did they slip up? They went and retrieved him

They slipped up by not holding onto him or putting him in a pushchair when they walked past a place where you are not allowed to walk on the stones. They shouldn’t have had to ‘retrieve him’
He ran on to an area he was not supposed to be on, so both the child and his dad had to walk along a place they shouldn’t have been.

The the OP had a toddler tantrum and also walked on the area they shouldn’t have been in.

The man was a dickhead but the OP and her family are awful (the kid can’t help it obviously)
The ridiculous statements ‘reins are not for us’ tells us everything we need to know. She’d rather have her kid destroy a botanical garden than do anything to restrain his gorgeousness….

OonaStubbs · 08/09/2025 19:12

Parents need to realise that their toddler is only "gorgeous" to them, to most other people a toddler trampling over a beautiful Japanese garden is simply an annoying brat whose parents are unable to control.

tiredandunhappy · 08/09/2025 19:17

I feel like previous posters are making a huge deal out of your toddler running somewhere he shouldn’t - has no one’s child ever gone somewhere they shouldn’t?
Dad collected him straight away - the man was a total arse and someone had called my toddler “a little sod” he’d have received more than a lecture. I certainly wouldn’t expect to be spoken to that way as an adult, let alone a child.

GRex · 08/09/2025 19:56

I think some don't understand what's being damaged. The sweep marks across the gravel are part of the art of that garden. It's most like if someone let their kid spit juice on a painting in a gallery - sure, it's ok when it's professionally cleaned, but FFS why would you!?!

I also don't personally think "little sod" language is an issue. Tone and shouting certainly is though, even if it was "keep off the gravel" the man shouldn't shout at the toddler. Shouting at the idiotic adult who deliberately added to the damage though - I've no issue at all there, I understand why he was riled up. Ideally Kew should have cameras and ban those who can't behave.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 08/09/2025 20:32

Alwayssnacking · 07/09/2025 20:56

I don't like reigns.. I can understand why some people do like them especially around roads. However she was in a national park, give the kid some freedom to run around. The op is clearly a responsible parent ( even with the momentary lapse of her toddler running on the gravel ) because firstly she takes her kids out for fresh air and secondly removed her child when they were somewhere they should not be and sounds like she would have apologised it the man had not been aggressive. If the toddler was constantly doing things like this then I get it. This is just one instance that we have been made aware of.

She was in Kew Gardens, not a national park!

Jackiepumpkinhead · 08/09/2025 20:34

You sound like an entitled pain.

beginyouowooo · 08/09/2025 21:05

I honestly can’t believe some of the responses on here. Toddlers are pure chaos and move at the speed of light. And guess what? They’re allowed to exist in the world and share communal spaces with adults. Your child wandered somewhere they shouldn’t, and you handled it. The man’s reaction was unnecessarily rude to a little kid, what a knob! I really don’t get why so many replies are acting like you’re the bad guy here, OP.

SpidersAreShitheads · 08/09/2025 21:07

tiredandunhappy · 08/09/2025 19:17

I feel like previous posters are making a huge deal out of your toddler running somewhere he shouldn’t - has no one’s child ever gone somewhere they shouldn’t?
Dad collected him straight away - the man was a total arse and someone had called my toddler “a little sod” he’d have received more than a lecture. I certainly wouldn’t expect to be spoken to that way as an adult, let alone a child.

As parents, it's our job to stop young children going places that would either be hazardous or where they're not allowed to go.

Most of us manage to prevent our toddlers running into the road etc.

Letting your toddler run all over a display at Kew risks fragile plants being destroyed, as well as doing damage to ornamental displays. The comment from the worker from Kew on the previous pages explains this.

As parents, we all take our eye off the ball occasionally in areas that we think are safe. OP shouldn't have let her toddler run into a display area - that's really not OK. The minute the toddler started to step onto the display area, one of the parents should have been close enough to grab their hand and stop him. Instead, he reached the middle of the display, refused to come out, the dad then had to walk over the display, and the child screamed the place down. To compound it all, the OP then thought she'd prove a point (don't know what exactly) by also walking over the ornamental display area too.

The issue isn't that her toddler ran into the display - the issue is that she didn't apologise and doesn't think it's an issue. Most of us would be "ooops, sorry!" - especially if the toddler was legging it around in an area that's designed for quiet contemplation, like the Japanese Garden.

Toddlers misbehave. It happens. But have the good grace to acknowledge that you shouldn't have been letting them run riot in a place that's not designed for it, and that you weren't watching them closely enough to prevent them climbing over/walking through ornamental displays.

We all agree the bloke sounds like a giant dick although being lectured on a toddler's cognitive ability rather than just saying "yeah, I know, sorry, he's a bit fast!" probably aggravated the situation too.

Midnights68 · 08/09/2025 21:11

Swearing at a toddler is absolutely inexcusable. Always. No matter the circumstances or whether their parents have irritated you.

Too many adults these days have the emotional continence of 3 year olds.

beginyouowooo · 08/09/2025 21:11

JungAtHeart · 08/09/2025 18:44

I was on a plane a while back where a toddler repeatedly kicked the back of my seat. Eventually I to tried to speak to the parents and asked them to have him to stop. I had barely said a word before the Father began to talk over me and explain that he was a ‘toddler’ and that’s what they do … I explained that I had two DDs who had been on countless planes as ‘toddlers’ and they were simply never ALLOWED to do that. Thankfully the cabin crew member came over immediately and spoke to him. This one is on you OP. You allowed your child to run on an area he wasn’t supposed to… the man was rude and put of order. But you gave him an excuse to be.

This doesn’t feel like a fair comparison. What happened in the case of the OP sounds like a momentary lapse in judgment, not a pattern of repeated inconsiderate behavior like you’re describing.

PotatoLove · 08/09/2025 21:19

He would've got my foot up his arse!

The rude twat, not your Son.

Bloodyscarymary · 08/09/2025 22:07

beginyouowooo · 08/09/2025 21:05

I honestly can’t believe some of the responses on here. Toddlers are pure chaos and move at the speed of light. And guess what? They’re allowed to exist in the world and share communal spaces with adults. Your child wandered somewhere they shouldn’t, and you handled it. The man’s reaction was unnecessarily rude to a little kid, what a knob! I really don’t get why so many replies are acting like you’re the bad guy here, OP.

It’s because she dared to say her child was a “gorgeous age” and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, grinds the gears of the mumsnet vipers so much as someone thinking their own child is cute.

Even though finding our children adorable is surely all that’s getting us through the day-to-day of parenting, admitting it on here is a cardinal MN sin.

OonaStubbs · 08/09/2025 22:30

Toddlers have such boundless energy and a tremendous sense of fun.

When we took our toddler to the Louvre, we only lost sight of him for a few seconds and he drew glasses and a moustache on the mona lisa. We praised him for his artistic skills but the nasty museum staff shouted at him.

When we took him to the British museum he ran off and was later found playing marbles with the Elgin Marbles. We thought this was hilarious but the nasty man at the museum said he was damaging a priceless artifact.

Then we took him to the Normany museum and he was found wiping his arse with the bayeux tapestry. We clapped with delight as he was so advanced with his toilet training at only 2 1/2 but now the French government is taking legal action. It's sad that so many people seem to hate children.

LittleGwyneth · 08/09/2025 22:53

It's a load of stones, it's not as if he was going to be able to damage it. The man was insane and the people wringing their hands over a small child standing on a fucking STONE need to get a reality check. There are SO few places in London you can take your child and let them run and play, no wonder you wanted to let him have some freedom.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 09/09/2025 07:28

LittleGwyneth · 08/09/2025 22:53

It's a load of stones, it's not as if he was going to be able to damage it. The man was insane and the people wringing their hands over a small child standing on a fucking STONE need to get a reality check. There are SO few places in London you can take your child and let them run and play, no wonder you wanted to let him have some freedom.

Then don't take him to Kew Gardens. It isn't a place for a child to just run about all over then displays.

There are hundreds of parks where she could take him where it perfectly acceptable to let her child run around.

Northernandproud89 · 09/09/2025 13:24

Did you actually use those exact words when you replied to the man? 🙄 You'd be laughed at where I'm from if you did, and the man would have gotten his nose broken, not a lecture on child development! (Then again, you southerners are a soft bunch).

GRex · 09/09/2025 13:34

LittleGwyneth · 08/09/2025 22:53

It's a load of stones, it's not as if he was going to be able to damage it. The man was insane and the people wringing their hands over a small child standing on a fucking STONE need to get a reality check. There are SO few places in London you can take your child and let them run and play, no wonder you wanted to let him have some freedom.

It isn't a single stone that kid, dad and then mum stood on. It is gravel that has been swept into patterns around the plants; the specific ruts are intrinsically part of the display. When kids and adults trample through gravel, the pattern is damaged and the display is spoiled for everyone else.

Pastit12 · 09/09/2025 14:21

Six of one half a dozen of the other he was out of order swearing at your child
you or your husband should have been in control of your child
Bit of a non event really 🙄

KindLemur · 14/09/2025 18:16

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 09/09/2025 07:28

Then don't take him to Kew Gardens. It isn't a place for a child to just run about all over then displays.

There are hundreds of parks where she could take him where it perfectly acceptable to let her child run around.

Everyone on here talks about London like it’s some haven for kids, there was a thread where a person was saying her part of central London had better woodlands and bike paths than Center Parcs the other week 😂 now we have to excuse OP letting her toddler run off because there’s no where for kids to run about in London?! Which one is it?!!

Petrolitis · 14/09/2025 19:33

The bloke was a misogynistic dickhead

But maybe consider a buggy or reins OP for when your child is in an area they need close supervision.

Not everyone agrees that the toddler stage is gorgeous 😂

Zwellers · 14/09/2025 20:02

Good job it wasn't a road or a pool. Are you normally this lax with your child. No remorse for the destruction your beautiful child has caused to the Japanese garden ethier, compounded by your petty behaviour in adding to the destruction.

LittleGwyneth · 15/09/2025 13:01

Zwellers · 14/09/2025 20:02

Good job it wasn't a road or a pool. Are you normally this lax with your child. No remorse for the destruction your beautiful child has caused to the Japanese garden ethier, compounded by your petty behaviour in adding to the destruction.

Have you been there? It's a load of rocks, there is no destruction to be had!

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