For not paying half when I'm leaving.

[Cuppatealover]

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

Why should he have to leave?

OP chose to have the abortion as is her right and I'm not surprised that the relationship broke down.

It sounds like OP would not have been in a position to buy the house in five years by herself.

What the fuck is your problem? Can't you get attention any other way?

Go away! No one is interested in your thoughts! Can you not understand that?

Thank you to those who have given constructive feedback. Fuck you to those who have just tore me a new one and made me feel even worse than I already do. But hey ho, you win some and loose some coming on the Internet.
I know what decision I will make and those who have been considerate have helped me see both sides.
I will not be paying him anything if he stays. If he ends up leaving through no fault of his own then I will pay him.
All I know is, I need to leave regardless.

He chose not to. That basically forced OP out at a physically trying time.

He can't force her to pay half for home improvements to a house that she isn't even living in. If he wants his money back, he should go for the slumlord who was selling a house with no flooring.

If OP had paid the half she had agreed to at the start then how would she have been able to take the flooring and the blinds with her? She should pay the half she agreed to for those items. Regarding the white goods, can OP make use of them or are you moving into a furnished place? If it’s the former then perhaps negotiate with him as to which items either of you get to keep.

Well done OP, measured response.

What a nasty piece of work you are. Take your opinions somewhere they are wanted.

You know nothing about the OP’s situation, or why she took the incredibly difficult decision to do the incredibly difficult thing she did, you just want to stick the boot in and kick her while she’s down! Well, FOTTFSOFAFOSM!

I hope you are banned for your inappropriate, unhelpful behaviour. You aren’t educating anyone, just demonstrating your own lack of empathy and ignorance.

I don’t want attention. I just asked a question and now getting blasted for it so just responding. I could similarly ask you why you can’t get attention any other way other than commenting on MN?

Reported - again! FGS give it a rest!

Most women understand how tough is to leave an abusive relationship. You have the double whammy of being in an abusive relationship and aborting a pregnancy you didn't want to do.

The house issue is a different ball game. You paid blinds, floors and appliances. You've rented a place, leaving your ex to enjoy the blinds, floors and appliances you paid for in your former home. Don't even think about paying him back. He's enjoying a nicer looking home while you've moved out and renting.

Fuck him. Let him enjoy the blinds.

He chose to stay so he has to pay. He could choose to leave and let OP stay.

You're off your head, pal. Get back to your mother's basement, get your PS5 out and leave real people with real problems the fuck alone.

You aren’t listening are you? Wash out your ears and answer the question she asked, not the one she didn’t.

Reported me? Oh let’s just report everyone who has a different viewpoint shall we ?!

You'll need appliances, why don't you buy those, then you're all square?

I doubt OP would pass the affordability check.

They signed a five-year "Rent to Buy" agreement on the property with a Housing Association. I doubt this is a "slum landlord" situation.

Lol at the frothing menz/incels... we see you! 🤣

Yes, report those who share their "viewpoint" in a nasty, condescending way when they clearly no nothing about the process of abortion.
You DO NOT give birth to a child at 19 weeks which is what I was. Go and read a biology book and educate yourself and while you're there, learn some compassion and hope you never end up in a situation where you have to make such a horrendous life-changing decision

No let’s just report the vile posters who want to derail the post, which is you!

You should be ashamed of yourself!

OPs body, OPs choice!

Not yours, no one cares about your choices.

OP terminated the pregnancy. Personally, as a Roman Catholic I don't approve, however this was OP's choice & she probably had her reasons for not bringing a child into the relationship. I agree, she could have continued with the pregnancy, but social housing is at a premium & she could have faced being in temporary B&B accommodation for some time while waiting for social housing. Also, having her ex's child would have tied her to him via the child for at least the next 18 years, if not for life, having to meet him at significant events such as wedding etc. I can only think that she considered all her options before terminating the pregnancy & decided this was the best way to go. Her choice no matter how other's may feel about it. I don't judge.

I get that the ex is probably disappointed, possibly angry at OP for terminating the pregnancy & probably he very much wanted the baby. However, the relationship isn't working. OP hasn't made any formal contract to pay for the upgrades on the flat so legally isn't liable - only morally as she did say that she would pay.

The ex is going to get a flat/house that will be his. OP isn't going to benefit in any way from the improvements. It seems that the ex isn't willing to let her say 'OK so I'll take the movable goods to the value of my half' he wants the cash.

If it was me I'd give him his blinking money if only to make a clean break & have done with it all. It's only about £1500 that he's asking for after all - not a huge sum in the overall scheme of things. Though from what she's saying about custom made blinds, white goods, carpets & flooring, I doubt if he only spent £3k.

At the end of the day OP was only asking our opinions. She's dealing with the breakdown of a relationship & a recent termination of a pregnancy so is probably feeling rather vulnerable & needs MN to give whatever helpful advice & support that we can give as a community.

Real problems?! If you think ex asking you to pay half for stuff that he has no legal entitlement to ask for constitutes a “real problem” then you, pal, are living a blessed life!
Mumsnet is for problems small and big and general chat.

You're being disingenuous - you didn't "just ask a question". We all saw what you wrote and it was deeply unpleasant and judgmental. Fortunately, MNHQ agree.