Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
ScribblingPixie · 07/09/2025 15:39

No, don't pay. It's a difficult situation for both of you with some hardships involved, and that's just the way it is. The only way you should pay is if you take half of the value with you eg in appliances. If he wants to keep everything he'll have to pay for them.

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:39

Alondra · 07/09/2025 15:36

I haven't read the answers to the OP, but frankly sometimes I wonder how many men are answering posts, camouflaged as women. It's beyond shocking reading answers to women posters asking common sense advice.

Show quote history

Agreed. Some of these posts seem to almost encourage to keep OP in a bad relationship, by telling her she can’t afford her own place and that they feel sorry for the man.

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:40

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:34

adoption was a choice too for a late stage pregnancy?

Show quote history

Oh just fuck right off. I would never want to give my child up for adoption. My baby was very much wanted by me despite what you may think. Like I have said, I made the very difficult decision for a variety of reasons you know nothing about. This post was nothing to do with the baby so please get lost and go and do something else with your day.

OP posts:
ItsNotYou852 · 07/09/2025 15:41

ComfortFoodCafe · 07/09/2025 15:37

Why hadnt you paid anything in eight months piror? You obviously wasnt going to ever pay so why agree?

Moved in end of March, was having an abortion in May. It pretty obviously went downhill very fast. Would you have started paying in those circumstances?

Original poster
Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:44

Alondra · 07/09/2025 15:36

I haven't read the answers to the OP, but frankly sometimes I wonder how many men are answering posts, camouflaged as women. It's beyond shocking reading answers to women posters asking common sense advice.

Show quote history

So do I. It's absolutely unbelievable how some women just don't support other women.
I'm not saying I'm an angel but would you really stay with someone and pay them back after they've emotionally abused you to the point where you've got an abortion for a baby you really wanted and thought it would work out?
It think some people are really missing the point of my post.

OP posts:
Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 15:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:46

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:29

They will only do the check after I leave which is why I suspect he's getting so stressed about me not paying half for everything incase he ends up having to leave. Of course in that scenario, none of us are benefitting from the goods purchased and I would be willing to then pay half based on the fact that the goods were for both of us. I would have to sort a payment plan out with him. But if he is staying then I reiterate my point of they are now his things to do as he pleases.

Show quote history

Good, so you are accepting that there's a possibility of him not staying there (because he doesn't pass the affordability check) and that this changes things. Unfortunately, because you've only mentioned the affordability check in a recent post, many responses are taking it as read that he will be staying in the house and using the flooring, blinds and white goods and so only he should be paying for them, but it's quite possible that he will also have to leave and not receive any future benefit from these items either. I'm glad to read that you would pay him half if he has to leave the property too.

dynamiccactus · 07/09/2025 15:47

If he's the one staying in the house, of course he pays for the things in that house if the OP is moving out!

I can't conceive of any situation where she should pay, unless, as a PP said, he was moving out too, so they needed to share the losses relating to that house. But why should the OP pay half of the fridge that she won't be using?

The only thing I'd say is that if there is something you can take with you, you pay for that in full, and that kind of balances out the fact that he is paying for things he is benefiting from.

The blinds and the white goods can be moved to a different house, so if he does move out you can work out who gets what. Or he keeps it all as he's already paid for it.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/09/2025 15:47

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:46

Good, so you are accepting that there's a possibility of him not staying there (because he doesn't pass the affordability check) and that this changes things. Unfortunately, because you've only mentioned the affordability check in a recent post, many responses are taking it as read that he will be staying in the house and using the flooring, blinds and white goods and so only he should be paying for them, but it's quite possible that he will also have to leave and not receive any future benefit from these items either. I'm glad to read that you would pay him half if he has to leave the property too.

Show quote history

But he could have left and let OP stay! But he refused so it’s his problem. This was his choice.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Minnie798 · 07/09/2025 15:49

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:35

Adoption also a choice for a late stage pregnancy?

Show quote history

A choice that op didn't make and she doesn't need to justify that to anyone.

Anyahyacinth · 07/09/2025 15:49

If you aren't retaining ownership why would you pay? As his cruel comments have ended the relationship seems like he revoked any agreement between you...unless you receive half the value of things that can be sold

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PLEASE STOP WITH THIS. This is not what OP's thread is about.

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This thread isn’t about abortion. If you want to discuss that, start your own thread or find a pro-life reddit / incel.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

That is not what this thread is about!

FGS keep your judgement on relevant posts!

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:50

This thread isn’t about abortion. If you want to discuss that, start your own thread or find a pro-life reddit / incel.

Show quote history

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Minnie798 · 07/09/2025 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Exactly that. Op decided not to have her baby, so no one else can because she chose to have an abortion. That's how abortion works. It's not even what op was asking advice about.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:55

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Show quote history

Well fuck off and start a thread about it and get off this one!

She terminated, as was her choice, not yours, not anyone elses! Hers!!

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/09/2025 15:56

I wouldn't pay half but I also wouldn't pay nothing.

OP's life is already a train wreck so no point in piling on or questioning why she didn't do anything about her debt six months ago.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:56

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Show quote history

Why are you questioning another woman’s choice to terminate her pregnancy?

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:56

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Show quote history

You’re not though, are you? You’re shaming and guilt tripping OP for her decision.

And guilt tripping women into having babies is linked to incel culture.

outerspacepotato · 07/09/2025 15:57

Your agreement to pay half was contingent on living there and getting full use. You're moving because he refused to leave, in essence, forcing you out. So he gets to pay.

If he has to leave because of affordability, could he possibly file a lien against the owner for the cost of his improvements?

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 15:57

nomas · 07/09/2025 15:56

You’re not though, are you? You’re shaming and guilt tripping OP for her decision.

And guilt tripping women into having babies is linked to incel culture.

Show quote history

Absolutely!

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 15:59

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

Show quote history

But you didn't just "question" it, did you? You wrote a nasty, judgmental comment about a decision OP took almost four months ago, so it's a moot point anyway.
Please stick to the point of the thread.

ETA I'm glad to see MN have deleted your post after I reported it.

Noelshighflyingturds · 07/09/2025 15:59

SquirrelRed · 07/09/2025 13:26

I definitely wouldn't be paying if I were you, but just to play devil's advocate, if you had paid half at the time would you be asking for that money back? Probably not I guess?
Can you afford to give him a small amount to keep the peace if that's what you're looking to do.

Why should she “keep the peace” she’ll never see this person again