Page 10 | For not paying half when I'm leaving.

Cuppatealover · 2025-09-07T12:05:18+00:00

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good. Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these. Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby. Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds! I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

Original poster

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 16:13

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 16:10

They signed a five-year "Rent to Buy" agreement on the property with a Housing Association. I doubt this is a "slum landlord" situation.

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If you know anything about property, no housing association homes come with flooring of blinds. Educate yourself. Jesus christ.

ETA: Sorry AngelicKaty I can't reply directly to the poster of this comment

OP posts:

PiggyPigalle · 07/09/2025 16:15

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 15:53

I think you’re confused about what incel means…
im a female talking about late stage pregnancy terminations, questioning whether adoption is also an option.
thats all.

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I'd say it's rather a moot point now.

Livpool · 07/09/2025 16:16

You agreed to pay - so I don’t think you should pay half as you won’t be there benefiting from the purchases. But you should pay something as you have been there for a few months and used them etc.

jacks11 · 07/09/2025 16:17

I think YABU because he bought those things with your agreement to pay him back. Had you not made that agreement he might not have made the initial outlay, which benefitted you too. You are now reneging on your word to pay him back, which I think is totally wrong. I don’t think he should be too surprised given you made the agreement 8 months ago and have yet to pay him anything, but it shows your word is not something to place trust in. If you are happy with that, so be it, I guess.

I think YABU to not pay anything at all- you have had use of it all for months. I think you are shafting him intentionally but if you are happy to do so then there is nothing he can do about it. I think you should negotiate some payment given your previous agreement to do so and that you have had some use of it all.

If you had paid him back already would you be expecting him to pay you back? If not, what is the difference?

As usual, I would expect the replies to be different if the genders were reversed.

Digdongdoo · 07/09/2025 16:17

If you haven't got the money, you can't pay. You've obviously had a shit few months, so just focus on getting out and getting back on your feet. He isn't your responsibility. He's living in the house, it's his flooring and appliances. Not ideal but shit happens.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 07/09/2025 16:18

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:12

I have and he won't have it

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Then fuck him, quite frankly.

Sorry you're having such a rough time of things.

Am currently looking (and failing) to find a rental that'll take two cats so can understand why it's taken you so long.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 16:18

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:07

Reported me? Oh let’s just report everyone who has a different viewpoint shall we ?!

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It isn't about you having "a different viewpoint". I have no idea whether or not you think OP should repay her STBX for half of the home improvements - the question she actually asked - because you've been busy commenting, in a very offensive way, on something else and that's what I reported you for. And I'm clearly not the only one offended by your unwarranted and unnecessary personal attack on OP for a very difficult decision she took almost FOUR MONTHS AGO! 🙄

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/09/2025 16:18

Hankunamatata · 07/09/2025 13:35

In 8 months why havnt you paid anyhting when you agreed to half?

Quite

Original poster

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 16:20

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 07/09/2025 16:18

Then fuck him, quite frankly.

Sorry you're having such a rough time of things.

Am currently looking (and failing) to find a rental that'll take two cats so can understand why it's taken you so long.

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Yes it's incredibly difficult! I hope you find something soon! Fingers crossed for you 🤞🏼xx

OP posts:

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:20

Ilovepastafortea · 07/09/2025 16:12

OP terminated the pregnancy. Personally, as a Roman Catholic I don't approve, however this was OP's choice & she probably had her reasons for not bringing a child into the relationship. I agree, she could have continued with the pregnancy, but social housing is at a premium & she could have faced being in temporary B&B accommodation for some time while waiting for social housing. Also, having her ex's child would have tied her to him via the child for at least the next 18 years, if not for life, having to meet him at significant events such as wedding etc. I can only think that she considered all her options before terminating the pregnancy & decided this was the best way to go. Her choice no matter how other's may feel about it. I don't judge.

I get that the ex is probably disappointed, possibly angry at OP for terminating the pregnancy & probably he very much wanted the baby. However, the relationship isn't working. OP hasn't made any formal contract to pay for the upgrades on the flat so legally isn't liable - only morally as she did say that she would pay.

The ex is going to get a flat/house that will be his. OP isn't going to benefit in any way from the improvements. It seems that the ex isn't willing to let her say 'OK so I'll take the movable goods to the value of my half' he wants the cash.

If it was me I'd give him his blinking money if only to make a clean break & have done with it all. It's only about £1500 that he's asking for after all - not a huge sum in the overall scheme of things. Though from what she's saying about custom made blinds, white goods, carpets & flooring, I doubt if he only spent £3k.

At the end of the day OP was only asking our opinions. She's dealing with the breakdown of a relationship & a recent termination of a pregnancy so is probably feeling rather vulnerable & needs MN to give whatever helpful advice & support that we can give as a community.

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im not Roman Catholic , I’m pro choice , what started with me asking a question about adoption has got out of hand with people going ballistic. Now I’ve been reported by some wild PP because I’m apparently not allowed to put a different view forward.
Yet you, PP, are seemingly allowed to declare you’re PRO LIFE and no one will report you or tell you off because people aren’t consistent on here.
OP has no legal obligation to pay him a dime. She could give him a bit of money if she wanted to act in the spirit of fairness. But she doesn’t have to and he probably won’t be happy with less than half.

Franpie · 07/09/2025 16:20

I think if you also wanted all those things at the time and the decisions to do/buy them all was made on the basis that you split the cost then you should pay him back.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/09/2025 16:21

KrisAkabusi · 07/09/2025 13:42

"Eight months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. We agreed that we would split the furnishing and appliance costs 50/50. He never paid anything, Now we're splitting up, he's moving out and he's trying to get out of paying his half of the agreement!"

I suspect a post like that would get very different responses and the word "cocklodger" would have been used several times.

Yeah - I've seen "vagina recliner" used on some other threads whee it's the other way round ... (but oh so rarely)

BigBirdOfPrey · 07/09/2025 16:23

Did he pay anything towards the abortion at 5 months gestation?
i think you should still pay him.

Hallywally · 07/09/2025 16:23

No don’t pay him. Move out, move on. You’ve nothing tethering you to him & you can cut contact/block him completely.

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/09/2025 16:23

Vagina recliner 😂😂😂

Ilovepastafortea · 07/09/2025 16:23

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:20

im not Roman Catholic , I’m pro choice , what started with me asking a question about adoption has got out of hand with people going ballistic. Now I’ve been reported by some wild PP because I’m apparently not allowed to put a different view forward.
Yet you, PP, are seemingly allowed to declare you’re PRO LIFE and no one will report you or tell you off because people aren’t consistent on here.
OP has no legal obligation to pay him a dime. She could give him a bit of money if she wanted to act in the spirit of fairness. But she doesn’t have to and he probably won’t be happy with less than half.

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Hello Invigoron

Your post was removed before I got a chance to read it. But I think we're of a similar mind even though we're on different sides of the abortion debate. 😘

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 16:24

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:20

im not Roman Catholic , I’m pro choice , what started with me asking a question about adoption has got out of hand with people going ballistic. Now I’ve been reported by some wild PP because I’m apparently not allowed to put a different view forward.
Yet you, PP, are seemingly allowed to declare you’re PRO LIFE and no one will report you or tell you off because people aren’t consistent on here.
OP has no legal obligation to pay him a dime. She could give him a bit of money if she wanted to act in the spirit of fairness. But she doesn’t have to and he probably won’t be happy with less than half.

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You’re not a Roman Catholic, that wonderful religious sect that abuses children, abused and murdered children and threw them in the ground…… yeah I’m not surprised! You sound like the perfect catholic! Vile!

Oh they’re pro choice alright, assuming they can sexually and mentally and physically abuse young children, girls etc.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:24

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 16:18

It isn't about you having "a different viewpoint". I have no idea whether or not you think OP should repay her STBX for half of the home improvements - the question she actually asked - because you've been busy commenting, in a very offensive way, on something else and that's what I reported you for. And I'm clearly not the only one offended by your unwarranted and unnecessary personal attack on OP for a very difficult decision she took almost FOUR MONTHS AGO! 🙄

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are you going to be consistent and report @Ilovepastafortea for saying they’re pro life? And that they disapprove of abortion?
For the record I’m pro choice. But also pro freedom of speech.

YourFairCyanReader · 07/09/2025 16:25

Sending you sympathy and I really don't think you should pay anything towards the assets he is keeping.
Good luck

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:26

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 16:24

You’re not a Roman Catholic, that wonderful religious sect that abuses children, abused and murdered children and threw them in the ground…… yeah I’m not surprised! You sound like the perfect catholic! Vile!

Oh they’re pro choice alright, assuming they can sexually and mentally and physically abuse young children, girls etc.

Edited

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No I’m not Roman Catholic. Im also pro choice and pro freedom of speech

Tesremos82 · 07/09/2025 16:26

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 16:13

If you know anything about property, no housing association homes come with flooring of blinds. Educate yourself. Jesus christ.

ETA: Sorry AngelicKaty I can't reply directly to the poster of this comment

Edited

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Actually I moved into a new build HA property that had blinds and flooring throughout!

Tweetytweet81 · 07/09/2025 16:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 07/09/2025 16:28

nomas · 07/09/2025 14:48

wtf. Can you leave her alone please? If you can’t offer helpful advice, find another thread.

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If you want to police threads, maybe become a Mod?

< shrugs >

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 16:28

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:20

im not Roman Catholic , I’m pro choice , what started with me asking a question about adoption has got out of hand with people going ballistic. Now I’ve been reported by some wild PP because I’m apparently not allowed to put a different view forward.
Yet you, PP, are seemingly allowed to declare you’re PRO LIFE and no one will report you or tell you off because people aren’t consistent on here.
OP has no legal obligation to pay him a dime. She could give him a bit of money if she wanted to act in the spirit of fairness. But she doesn’t have to and he probably won’t be happy with less than half.

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Again, you're being disingenuous. There is nothing vile in the wording of @Ilovepastafortea 's post, but there certainly was in yours.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 16:28

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:26

No I’m not Roman Catholic. Im also pro choice and pro freedom of speech

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And very judgemental and opinionated!

If you’re pro choice, what’s your issue with OP? She made a choice!