Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

For not paying half when I'm leaving.

489 replies

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 13:05

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

OP posts:
Gremlins101 · 07/09/2025 18:43

Nope I wouldn't be paying

PiggyPigalle · 07/09/2025 18:47

I see the thread has degenerated into the usual back and forth of nastiness, on a subject that has nothing whatsoever to do with OP's question.
Pity you made the mistake of mentioning it, OP.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheSilentSister · 07/09/2025 19:02

Absolutely do not pay a thing OP. I bet you that if you had paid 1/2 originally, he would not be giving you a penny back.
I'd say the same if this was a reverse.
He has the goods. Your circumstances have changed and the relationship has broken down. I can't see the Small Claims Court making a decision is his favour. It's not like you threw out floor/blinds/white goods for new ones. He needs them, he's keeping them. He's not out of pocket.

ManchesterLu · 07/09/2025 19:03

BMW6 · 07/09/2025 13:25

Of course you shouldn't be contributing to the cost of appliances and fixtures that you won't be using! What a massive twat he is!

She's been using them since he paid to have them fitted in MARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's 6 months ago! I genuinely think she SHOULD pay him something towards it! Basically she agreed to go halves so he effectively lent her the money, now she's refusing to pay him back.

And aborted his baby NOT at an early stage.

Wow.

The man IS NOT always the bad guy!

PotatoLove · 07/09/2025 19:03

Give him nothing OP, he's going to be the one benefitting from the items after all.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 19:03

DrySherry · 07/09/2025 15:27

I feel quite sorry for him, he thought he was making a home for a family and now he's left with nowt.

Yep

adviceneeded1990 · 07/09/2025 19:10

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 15:40

Oh just fuck right off. I would never want to give my child up for adoption. My baby was very much wanted by me despite what you may think. Like I have said, I made the very difficult decision for a variety of reasons you know nothing about. This post was nothing to do with the baby so please get lost and go and do something else with your day.

Show quote history

Rightly or wrongly, the information you have given (that you aborted a second trimester pregnancy because you were arguing with the father) will be an emotive topic to many posters. The information you have given about your debts and affordability status is confusing people too. You would probably get different answers if you communicated more clearly from the beginning of the thread.

The bottom line, however, is that you owe this guy nothing and should move into your rental and work towards paying down the debt and living your own life happily.

BringBackThe1990s · 07/09/2025 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BringBackThe1990s · 07/09/2025 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

carly2803 · 07/09/2025 19:21

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 17:45

He has threatened this yes

Show quote history

write off this relationship - dont pay him - he will benefit and you will be at a loss for someone you will likely never see again!

enjoy your new home and move asap!!

QueenClinomania · 07/09/2025 19:24

Don't pay him for anything he will be keeping!

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:27

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/09/2025 18:41

Make him an offer, in writing, for:

The percentage use you've had out of these items;
To pay for half and take the practical half that are portable.

When he inevitably tells you to fuck off to both options, tell him he can indeed take you to small claims court.

These options are fair solutions to the issue, small claims court will see that you've made fair offers, and he has refused them and most likely tell him to stick it up his arse.

I'm sorry, but suggesting she puts this offer in writing is bad advice. If there's no written evidence of their agreement (e.g. a text or WA exchange) for OP to repay him half he would have nothing to support his claim at small claims court. You are suggesting that OP admit to the debt and that therefore the contract to repay him did, in fact, exist, giving the court no option but to find in his favour. You are suggesting that OP give her STBX the evidence he may not currently have.
Debt Advice 101: never admit a debt unless clear evidence of it already exists.

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:28

OP you are in the right - don’t pay him for half of something you can’t take with you. How ridiculous that some posters are even suggesting this can be right.

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:29

Also people talking about the small claims court are missing something - if he wants her to pay half he needs to share half the goods with her - which is what he’s said he won’t do! So there isn’t anything to pursue at the small claims court.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It’s amazing you think that…. So little self awareness!

So many people disliking you, but you still think you’re an ok person.

Troubled relationships in real life?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/09/2025 19:32

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/09/2025 18:41

Make him an offer, in writing, for:

The percentage use you've had out of these items;
To pay for half and take the practical half that are portable.

When he inevitably tells you to fuck off to both options, tell him he can indeed take you to small claims court.

These options are fair solutions to the issue, small claims court will see that you've made fair offers, and he has refused them and most likely tell him to stick it up his arse.

Also, its a rent to buy property and he will be the owner. He has effectively invested in improving the value of his property.

Don't pay him anything. Using the fridge, walking on the floor and drawing a blind is normally included in rent. You've already paid him 50% rent and bills during your time there.

But it sounds like he is becoming increasingly aggressive his language towards you is certainly abusive. I think you should be really careful as he might get worse as you near your moving date. Have you got friends and family to support you, maybe move earlier and stay with them for the three weeks. You don't need this horrible angst.

I hope once you have moved into your new place you will have a chance to put this behind you and feel better x

Lavenderandbrown · 07/09/2025 19:33

@Poppins21 precarious not precious. He’s not posting so I don’t know how precarious his future is.

Marieb19 · 07/09/2025 19:34

Your ex partner knew you couldnt afford 50% on the goods he bought and now intends to keep. You will get no benefit from them, so i sont think you can be expected to pay for them. If you did, you could rightly take half of them with you. You don't appear to be very good with money, so maybe get some advice from citizens advice on how to improve your financial position.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:45

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:29

Also people talking about the small claims court are missing something - if he wants her to pay half he needs to share half the goods with her - which is what he’s said he won’t do! So there isn’t anything to pursue at the small claims court.

Unfortunately, what you and so many others are missing is that there is no guarantee he will remain in the property. OP's told us that after she leaves (in three weeks' time) the housing association will conduct an affordability assessment on his finances. If they deem he can't afford to remain there as a sole tenant he will have to leave too, so he also will not be using the goods. OP has said that if this comes to pass, she will pay him half the cost as he will then be in the same position as her, but that if he is able to remain in the house and enjoy the use of the goods, she will not pay him half.

Adelle79360 · 07/09/2025 19:47

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:45

Unfortunately, what you and so many others are missing is that there is no guarantee he will remain in the property. OP's told us that after she leaves (in three weeks' time) the housing association will conduct an affordability assessment on his finances. If they deem he can't afford to remain there as a sole tenant he will have to leave too, so he also will not be using the goods. OP has said that if this comes to pass, she will pay him half the cost as he will then be in the same position as her, but that if he is able to remain in the house and enjoy the use of the goods, she will not pay him half.

Show quote history

Well I can’t speak for others but I didn’t miss that she said that. It’s nothing to do with what I said, I saw it a number of times in the comments. He wants her to pay half and he wants to stay there. If he can’t stay there OP will pay half and presumably get half of whatever items can be removed.

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 19:50

TheSilentSister · 07/09/2025 19:02

Absolutely do not pay a thing OP. I bet you that if you had paid 1/2 originally, he would not be giving you a penny back.
I'd say the same if this was a reverse.
He has the goods. Your circumstances have changed and the relationship has broken down. I can't see the Small Claims Court making a decision is his favour. It's not like you threw out floor/blinds/white goods for new ones. He needs them, he's keeping them. He's not out of pocket.

He's not out of pocket if he remains in the house, but if he fails the HA's affordability assessment and isn't allowed to remain as a sole tenant, he will be, and it wouldn't be at all unreasonable to expect OP to pay half the cost she agreed to when he's also not able to use the goods (and she's already posted that under these circumstances she would pay him).

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 19:53

OP not the point of the thread but I actually think it takes an awful lot of strength to say that you can’t have a child due to the relationship you are in.

So many women find themselves stuck in bad relationships because they’ve had a baby with someone who is lovely till the point they got pregnant and then felt trapped. They didnt want to leave and risk sharing custody.

I know you’ve been slated for it on here but just wanted to say I really admire your strength and resolve to make what I’m sure was a really hard decision 💐

Bikergran · 07/09/2025 19:55

Stupid to pay out for new blinds and flooring in a rental. His problem. Get out fast.

UneFoisAuChalet · 07/09/2025 19:57

You clearly want nothing more to do with him so I personally find the £1.5 to get him off my back permanently.

This ‘debt’ keeps you untwined to him. Yes, it may feel like what’s the point, you’re leaving the property, but he’s angry about this, it fuels him and confirms to him that you’re a shit person.

Pay him. It will be the best money you’ve ever spent as he has no reason to contact you ever again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread