Page 12 | For not paying half when I'm leaving.

Cuppatealover · 2025-09-07T12:05:18+00:00

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good. Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these. Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby. Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds! I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 16:54

I think your being fair enough the obvious compromise imo is that you pay for and take the most moveable stuff ie white goods. If he wants to keep everything then you shouldn’t have to pay for it.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:55

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 16:44

No you’re very stupid and it doesn’t say she found at on January ……

Have you got comprehension issues?

It says (now read this slowly!)

They decided to move in together in January.

It then says she found after one week after signing rental agreement that she discovered she was pregnant, they then moved in end of March.

So why are you making up
nonsense about when OP knew she was pregnant? She may have signed contract beginning of March? Or end Feb?

Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen.

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No, Im afraid it seems by your own standards you’re the very stupid one with comprehension issues… OP already admitted she was far along per below:

Cuppatealover · Today 15:02
EasySqueezy · Today 14:57
This.
Slowdownyouredoingfine · Today 14:55
You must have been quite far along if you were pregnant in January and had the abortion in May, I can understand why he’s so upset if you had been excited about the baby prior to this, seems a huge u-turn to make.
Hide quote history
Yes it was. And a very difficult decision to make. I will not be shamed for that. This post was not about that.

saraclara · 07/09/2025 16:56

KrisAkabusi · 07/09/2025 13:42

"Eight months ago my boyfriend and I moved in together. We agreed that we would split the furnishing and appliance costs 50/50. He never paid anything, Now we're splitting up, he's moving out and he's trying to get out of paying his half of the agreement!"

I suspect a post like that would get very different responses and the word "cocklodger" would have been used several times.

I haven't read any further, because this is exactly it. Galling though it is, you should pay up. You've made no attempt to do so over the last ten months, not even a fraction of it. That has to have been deliberate. Presumably you were uncertain about the relationship and so we're sniffing paying.

I was amazed to see how many people thought you are reasonable.

Hoardasauruskaren · 07/09/2025 16:58

If he wants half the money you need to have access to half the goods purchased. If he isn’t willing to give you the kitchen appliances or whatever to the value then you owe nothing. Bung him a few quid for the use of the items up till now & move on.

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:59

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/09/2025 16:50

I think that even people who are reasonably relaxed about the idea of having a termination might find having one at 19 weeks unpalatable. OP says her ex didn't want her to have a termination, so having one at such a late stage must have been pretty difficult for him to come to terms with.

I'm offering no opinion or judgement on OP choosing to have a late termination - and I appreciate it's not what this post is about - but it's very relevant when considering the ex's anger and bitterness towards OP.

We talk a lot about women's feelings around miscarriage, stillbirth, and terminations, but there's not so much support for men. I imagine he's grieving for a baby he wanted and had no control over whether OP had a termination. I'm not suggesting he SHOULD have had any control, obviously not, but I can imagine he's still struggling very much with the decision OP took.

I expect the ex isn't willing to compromise or be reasonable towards OP about her share of the costs partially because he's still churning with all the emotions of the termination. Calling her baby-killer etc suggests that he's a very long way from acceptance.

OP didn't pay him half the cost for the goods/blinds at the time and now she's leaving and he gets to keep everything, it's not unreasonable for her not to pay him. She did contribute half of the bills/rent and that's going towards a property that he hopes to buy in five years.

It probably has left him in a difficult spot financially if he'd been budgeting for you to pay half, but if you're leaving it's not unreasonable to expect him to shoulder the cost. If you were feeling benevolent you could offer a token amount for the time you were there, but with such hostility between you and no likelihood of an amicable separation, you might as well just keep your money.

It's a messy, painful situation for all concerned and really OP, you just need to get yourself out safely, and then cut communication. Is there not anyone you can stay with for the next three weeks so you can leave now rather than dragging it out?

Exactly !

nomas · 07/09/2025 17:00

saraclara · 07/09/2025 16:56

I haven't read any further, because this is exactly it. Galling though it is, you should pay up. You've made no attempt to do so over the last ten months, not even a fraction of it. That has to have been deliberate. Presumably you were uncertain about the relationship and so we're sniffing paying.

I was amazed to see how many people thought you are reasonable.

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He doesn’t even want her to have the white goods. He wants to keep it all AND have OP pay half. That is not reasonable behaviour.

Which other couples do you know where they each pay half but one person keeps all the goods?

BlakeCarrington · 07/09/2025 17:00

I don’t understand at all why he would pay for upgrading a rented house like that.

But since he has, tell him to do one and you’re not paying. You won’t get the benefit, and what can he do about it? Nothing, that’s what. Move out and cut contact asap. Good luck!

backandforthup · 07/09/2025 17:01

I’m confused. He put all these things in a rented house? Unlikely he can take the floors away! Anyhoo, all irrelevant as nothing to do with you, don’t discuss just leave.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/09/2025 17:06

Jackiepumpkinhead · 07/09/2025 14:00

Seeing as he’s staying in the property and keeping the appliances, I wouldn’t pay him
anything. Did you pay half of the deposit?

I'm in two minds but yes... OP was there for 8 months.

She agreed to pay towards the improvements on the understanding she would be able to carry on living there and benefit from the improvements, but now its become impossible to continue living there

He's greatly improved the property and he will probably continue to live in for many years.

She's lived there 8 months.. maybe benefitted from new fixtures and fittings for 6 months.
I'm not sure that its fair to charge her 50% of the total cost when she's no longer living there. It would be different if they were able to share out the items, and she could for example buy the fridge off him.

If the OP has to find a new place to live, she probably can't afford to pay him what sounds like a very large sum.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 07/09/2025 17:09

BlakeCarrington · 07/09/2025 17:00

I don’t understand at all why he would pay for upgrading a rented house like that.

But since he has, tell him to do one and you’re not paying. You won’t get the benefit, and what can he do about it? Nothing, that’s what. Move out and cut contact asap. Good luck!

If you read OP’s posts it’s a rent to buy scheme so can purchase in five years. I think it’s different spending money on a rental you have a right to buy (fairly sensible) as opposed to your average 6 - 12 month tenancy (bit bonkers)

usedtobeaylis · 07/09/2025 17:10

No. If you were both leaving and he wasn't going to benefit from the purchase of those items then I would say you would still owe him half. But he's going to continue to live there and you do not owe him half for items that you have benefited from, from the sounds of it, for about five months. You don't owe him anything.

MadinMarch · 07/09/2025 17:11

jacks11 · 07/09/2025 16:17

I think YABU because he bought those things with your agreement to pay him back. Had you not made that agreement he might not have made the initial outlay, which benefitted you too. You are now reneging on your word to pay him back, which I think is totally wrong. I don’t think he should be too surprised given you made the agreement 8 months ago and have yet to pay him anything, but it shows your word is not something to place trust in. If you are happy with that, so be it, I guess.

I think YABU to not pay anything at all- you have had use of it all for months. I think you are shafting him intentionally but if you are happy to do so then there is nothing he can do about it. I think you should negotiate some payment given your previous agreement to do so and that you have had some use of it all.

If you had paid him back already would you be expecting him to pay you back? If not, what is the difference?

As usual, I would expect the replies to be different if the genders were reversed.

If OP had paid her share at the outset, then she would own half of the goods purchased and she would be entitled to take half the cost of them with her.
As it is, he has decided unilaterally to be the one to remain in the property and won't negotiate op buying the white goods off him to take with her. If he is going to have the longterm use of all the bought goods, then of course he needs to bear the cost of them all.
My daughter has been in a similar situation whereby her partner wanted to end the relationship a few months after they'd moved in together for the first time. They'd both paid 50:50 to buy furniture and other goods. He too unilaterally decided he'd be the one to remain in the property, but even he, Twattymactwatface that he was, repaid my dd the 50% she'd paid for the goods that he was going to keep without any quibble at all. It was the only fair and reasonable way to do it.
OP-You're getting a really rough time on here for no good reason. Get your name off the tenancy and all the bills including council tax asap and go and lead your best life!

saraclara · 07/09/2025 17:11

Presumably you were uncertain about the relationship and so we're sniffing paying.

FFS. How did swype turn 'avoiding' into 'sniffing'?

Finteq · 07/09/2025 17:14

Cuppatealover · 07/09/2025 16:20

Yes it's incredibly difficult! I hope you find something soon! Fingers crossed for you 🤞🏼xx

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Agree

I wouldn't pay either.

He had the choice to move out and get any cash back.

But he doesn't want to.

Tell him you haven't got the cash and move out on your moving date.

You owe this abusive person nothing.

Finteq · 07/09/2025 17:15

MadinMarch · 07/09/2025 17:11

If OP had paid her share at the outset, then she would own half of the goods purchased and she would be entitled to take half the cost of them with her.
As it is, he has decided unilaterally to be the one to remain in the property and won't negotiate op buying the white goods off him to take with her. If he is going to have the longterm use of all the bought goods, then of course he needs to bear the cost of them all.
My daughter has been in a similar situation whereby her partner wanted to end the relationship a few months after they'd moved in together for the first time. They'd both paid 50:50 to buy furniture and other goods. He too unilaterally decided he'd be the one to remain in the property, but even he, Twattymactwatface that he was, repaid my dd the 50% she'd paid for the goods that he was going to keep without any quibble at all. It was the only fair and reasonable way to do it.
OP-You're getting a really rough time on here for no good reason. Get your name off the tenancy and all the bills including council tax asap and go and lead your best life!

Show quote history

Exactly.

It's his decision to remain.

So he needs to bear the costs of it.

Scentedjasmin · 07/09/2025 17:16

You agreed to pay half. I have no idea why you would agree to paying for new flooring in a rental property though. I would give him the choice - pay half for the blinds and appliances and take half with you. Alternatively you agreed to them and benefitted from them for a few months. Assuming that there were no appliances there at the time, then you would have had to have bought them in order to live there. Therefore you should pay him an amount (maybe 25%) for them.

MaryMungoMidgley · 07/09/2025 17:16

Dont pay him anything, if he raises the subject refuse to engage & change the subject.
Meanwhile get everything organized so that one day (& asap!) he comes home to find you gone.

PiggyPigalle · 07/09/2025 17:27

nomas · 07/09/2025 17:00

He doesn’t even want her to have the white goods. He wants to keep it all AND have OP pay half. That is not reasonable behaviour.

Which other couples do you know where they each pay half but one person keeps all the goods?

Edited

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Has OP paid any rent in all this time? I get the impression she hasn't. In that case, she needs to pay up.

PiggyPigalle · 07/09/2025 17:28

MaryMungoMidgley · 07/09/2025 17:16

Dont pay him anything, if he raises the subject refuse to engage & change the subject.
Meanwhile get everything organized so that one day (& asap!) he comes home to find you gone.

I can't believe you advise that.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 17:28

PiggyPigalle · 07/09/2025 17:27

Has OP paid any rent in all this time? I get the impression she hasn't. In that case, she needs to pay up.

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She has, she’s stated that.

Do you know how to filter and read OPs posts?

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 17:30

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:55

No, Im afraid it seems by your own standards you’re the very stupid one with comprehension issues… OP already admitted she was far along per below:

Cuppatealover · Today 15:02
EasySqueezy · Today 14:57
This.
Slowdownyouredoingfine · Today 14:55
You must have been quite far along if you were pregnant in January and had the abortion in May, I can understand why he’s so upset if you had been excited about the baby prior to this, seems a huge u-turn to make.
Hide quote history
Yes it was. And a very difficult decision to make. I will not be shamed for that. This post was not about that.

Show quote history

OP posted this, specifically to you, at 16:10 today so you know precisely how far along she was: "Yes, report those who share their "viewpoint" in a nasty, condescending way when they clearly no nothing about the process of abortion. You DO NOT give birth to a child at 19 weeks which is what I was. Go and read a biology book and educate yourself and while you're there, learn some compassion and hope you never end up in a situation where you have to make such a horrendous life-changing decision."

@Letsgoroundagainnow copied in for info' 😊

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 17:32

Invigoron · 07/09/2025 16:55

No, Im afraid it seems by your own standards you’re the very stupid one with comprehension issues… OP already admitted she was far along per below:

Cuppatealover · Today 15:02
EasySqueezy · Today 14:57
This.
Slowdownyouredoingfine · Today 14:55
You must have been quite far along if you were pregnant in January and had the abortion in May, I can understand why he’s so upset if you had been excited about the baby prior to this, seems a huge u-turn to make.
Hide quote history
Yes it was. And a very difficult decision to make. I will not be shamed for that. This post was not about that.

Show quote history

Define quite far along for everyone? Is mine the same as yours, the same as OPs?

You’re so stupid aren’t you?

I mean it’s like your definition of something is the same as others, like we’d want to think like you!

Letsgoroundagainnow · 07/09/2025 17:33

AngelicKaty · 07/09/2025 17:30

OP posted this, specifically to you, at 16:10 today so you know precisely how far along she was: "Yes, report those who share their "viewpoint" in a nasty, condescending way when they clearly no nothing about the process of abortion. You DO NOT give birth to a child at 19 weeks which is what I was. Go and read a biology book and educate yourself and while you're there, learn some compassion and hope you never end up in a situation where you have to make such a horrendous life-changing decision."

@Letsgoroundagainnow copied in for info' 😊

Show quote history

Thank you

Poppins21 · 07/09/2025 17:35

Lavenderandbrown · 07/09/2025 15:09

Op making your post at face value and not researching past “takeaways” post or trying to date your pregnancy at time of termination. You have made some very difficult decisions and i think you are in pain. Mourning the loss of the future you thought you were going to be living.

for those reasons I say just leave. It may be perceived as unfair or screwing him over or you are a female cocklodger but I think your future is very precarious due to recent events and this debt you have now. You cannot take on anymore debt. He will have to find a way to pay for the home improvements and you will have to find a way forward with your MH and finances slowly but surely improving.

by the same token then - his future isn’t precious?

Viviennemary · 07/09/2025 17:37

Don't pay him. In any case why was he improving a house he was only renting.