For not paying half when I'm leaving.

[Cuppatealover]

Very emotional and awful time right now. I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen. We agreed I would pay him back my half for these.
Fast forward and relationship has just gradually got worse and broken down. I had a termination of pregnancy in May due to various reasons which I know he resents me for as he wanted the baby.
Had a row the other week as I told him I do not want to be in this relationship anymore and how do we go about the split re house and associated costs. He still expects half for the blinds, flooring and appliances (I haven't paid anything yet) but intends to stay in the house and won't move. Has said if I'm unhappy then I should move. Which I agree with. But I've said I'm not paying half for things he is keeping of he is staying in the house. I can't take half a fridge freezer or blinds!
I have now found a house and told him after looking for months. Got two cats so it's incredibly difficult to find a rental. Now I've told him it's erupted into a huge row about how I'm trying to worm my way out of paying him back and putting him in financial hardship because he wouldn't have paid for those things if he knew I wasn't going to pay half.

I think that comment was aimed at me Invigoron not you - I'm not rising to the insult of being called 'vile'. Some people are very angry, that's their 'stuff'.

Thank you for a reasonable reply. I am pro choice & pro freedom of speech. And also pro freedom of religious choice.
Some PPs are wild with trying to silence anyone with a different view

She found out she was pregnant in March, so must have been before 24 weeks.

Even more infuriating when THEY DO and still disagree 🤣

Exactly , a few bad apples doesn’t rot the whole barrel. A small minority of bad priests out of a majority of good ones doesn’t mean every Roman Catholic is vile. Ridiculous!

Now she found out in January . You have misread …

Frankly I wouldn't even give him the time of day. He bought stuff that he's keeping, it's his to pay for.

If you are taking anything then pay in full for those items. If he is keeping everything then don't see why you should pay for anything

It was aimed at you @Invigoron not at you @Ilovepastafortea

A “few bad apples” is that all it was @Invigoron , that’s ok is it?

Why are you asking us if you don’t have the money to give him anyway???

@Invigoron

Stop being an obnoxious goady fucker.
We don't even know what stage the pregnancy was at when the termination occurred. I'm sure Op thought long and hard about her decision, which was very reasonable given her financial and emotional circumstances.
I don't know what cloud you've been living on but single mother's aren't just handed a council house either

That's exactly right, OP. If he goes, and I hope he does, then you pay for the things connected with the flat. And vice versa. I hope things get better for you very soon.

No, of course not, because having a different viewpoint isn't the issue, but you still don't seem to understand that. It's how you word your different viewpoint that is the issue. @Ilovepastafortea 's post isn't offensive - indeed it's a good example of how you can disagree with someone's fundamental position without making it a personal attack on them or the actions they took and which can't be changed. The wording of your two posts was most definitely offensive (to several more people than just me) and a personal attack on the choice OP made almost four months ago, which is interesting given that you claim to be pro-choice.

So a quarter of voting posters (well, 24%) who say OP is being unreasonable are men? Who knew that was the Mumsnet demographic! Though of course the reality for some posters is that anyone who disagrees with a poster must be a Man!

No, he is staying and thus will benefit from these fixtures and fittings. and the fridge freezer etc.

So lovely to hear you have found a rental that accepts cats.
Sorry about the baby it wasn't meant to be at this time.

She found out in January, meaning she was already 4 weeks, aborted in May!
jan = 1
feb = 2
mar=3
april =4
may=5

No you’re very stupid and it doesn’t say she found at on January ……

Have you got comprehension issues?

It says (now read this slowly!)

They decided to move in together in January.

It then says she found after one week after signing rental agreement that she discovered she was pregnant, they then moved in end of March.

So why are you making up
nonsense about when OP knew she was pregnant? She may have signed contract beginning of March? Or end Feb?

Been through a hell of a year. Decided to move in with partner in January. A week after signing for the rented house we found out I was pregnant. All good.
Moved in end of March and partner had paid to get whole house blinds fitted, new floors through the house and appliances for kitchen.

I would argue it doesn’t even say she found out on Jan!

Good point. In those circumstances I think you’d want at least a large part of your contribution refunded.

He would have had to pay for those things anyway and he's keeping the house you're not. Don't pay him he can't make you 🤷‍♀️ tell him you'll find it if you have to, to get him off your back until you move and then just don't 💐

Yawn. Again? I'm pro-choice so how can my view be different from yours? I reported two of your comments because they were damned offensive - hence why a number of other PPs told you to put a sock in it. Stop playing the victim.

I think that even people who are reasonably relaxed about the idea of having a termination might find having one at 19 weeks unpalatable. OP says her ex didn't want her to have a termination, so having one at such a late stage must have been pretty difficult for him to come to terms with.

I'm offering no opinion or judgement on OP choosing to have a late termination - and I appreciate it's not what this post is about - but it's very relevant when considering the ex's anger and bitterness towards OP.

We talk a lot about women's feelings around miscarriage, stillbirth, and terminations, but there's not so much support for men. I imagine he's grieving for a baby he wanted and had no control over whether OP had a termination. I'm not suggesting he SHOULD have had any control, obviously not, but I can imagine he's still struggling very much with the decision OP took.

I expect the ex isn't willing to compromise or be reasonable towards OP about her share of the costs partially because he's still churning with all the emotions of the termination. Calling her baby-killer etc suggests that he's a very long way from acceptance.

OP didn't pay him half the cost for the goods/blinds at the time and now she's leaving and he gets to keep everything, it's not unreasonable for her not to pay him. She did contribute half of the bills/rent and that's going towards a property that he hopes to buy in five years.

It probably has left him in a difficult spot financially if he'd been budgeting for you to pay half, but if you're leaving it's not unreasonable to expect him to shoulder the cost. If you were feeling benevolent you could offer a token amount for the time you were there, but with such hostility between you and no likelihood of an amicable separation, you might as well just keep your money.

It's a messy, painful situation for all concerned and really OP, you just need to get yourself out safely, and then cut communication. Is there not anyone you can stay with for the next three weeks so you can leave now rather than dragging it out?

OP's told us she was 19 weeks.
Meanwhile, back to the point of the thread ...

I missed that, apologies

Oh for God's sake it's done! - don't beat the poor OP up, she's probably feeling like shit over it all without people giving her grief over it. No woman terminates a pregnancy - especially that late for no reason. Just because she hasn't chosen to share her reasons doesn't mean that, in her mind, she had a good reason.

She needs our support.