Page 11 | Boyfriend drinks too much

Michrose · 2025-09-07T10:05:26+00:00

I am 47 and been seeing my boyfriend who is 55 for almost a year . Kids get in well with him and I get on with his kids. He is loving , caring , generous , does lots for me . He is at second stage of divorce and their house is on the market . He sleeps in his old daughters room as she moved out . However he likes a drink . I didn't think too much ti start with but it's starting to put me off. Then when he is sober and being helpful etc I feel ok. Examples are he gets drunk but won't stop drinking . Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty . Times when I'm certain he has had a drink before he comes over as gets drunk too quickly on small beers. He showed me a clip of him falling over drunk on the pavement of him before we met and was laughing , then yesterday one his daughters showed me a photo of him being carried it on stretcher by paramedics when he was drunk once and fell down stairs . She showed me because at the bbq yesterday he fell of his grandsons balance bike and cut his leg. He was staggering and stuffing spicy food in his mouth and trying to kiss me .x his other daughter stopped him drinking and has said in past he should stop. I have found my peace after an awful divorce . I have my own house for me and my children . I need peace . He brings me calm often and so good with the kids but everytime he gets drunk which every weekend it puts me off . At times he is down the cricket club texting me which I like but he repeats himself and says he isn't drunk . Then later says he is , I had one night out with my friend to see a tribute band and he didn't like it , saying i was mugging him off . He isn't a cruel person and never been horrible. He has not once let me down . He later said I should go out and his own insecurities , I can't help how I feel when he is drunk it puts me off and I worry he won't stop and I can't settle down with someone who gets silly when drunk .

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 07:24

BuckChuckets · 09/09/2025 07:15

Why is he still living there? Do you think understand how unusual (to put it nicely) that is?

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Because he can't afford to rent . He didn't live there when we met but when his daughter left he moved back in to her room. His ex is at her boyfriends most nights . But the house could take a year or more to sell .inknow too well.

OP posts:

user1476613140 · 09/09/2025 07:28

I never cease to be amazed reading this forum at posts like this....really OP get out now and have some self respect. Don't get involved any more than you are.

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 07:39

Michrose · 09/09/2025 07:24

Because he can't afford to rent . He didn't live there when we met but when his daughter left he moved back in to her room. His ex is at her boyfriends most nights . But the house could take a year or more to sell .inknow too well.

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But he can afford two trips to Australia and a holiday to Turkey I think you said.
Why can’t he just rent a room as a lodger? Surely he can stretch to that?
He’s making a fool of you. Your self respect must be on the absolute floor.

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 07:40

Also, why did he move back in? If he’d moved out, why go back?
none of this adds up.

Wishingplenty · 09/09/2025 07:46

This will be why he is divorced then!

BuckChuckets · 09/09/2025 08:03

Michrose · 09/09/2025 07:24

Because he can't afford to rent . He didn't live there when we met but when his daughter left he moved back in to her room. His ex is at her boyfriends most nights . But the house could take a year or more to sell .inknow too well.

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Do you honestly believe he can't afford it? With all his holidays? Most people would hate living with their ex after the relationship ends. Bit odd that they seem fine with it, no?

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/09/2025 08:11

@Michrose

We won't be living together

OK maybe not, although I would bet that’s what he’s angling for. But the point you seem determined to miss/ignore is that you are going to be constantly hiding the extent of his drink problem from your kids.

Regardless of whether you live together you are going to have to maintain a constant level of vigilance about this and safeguard your family from this man due to his addiction. Yes he may be keeping a lid on ir now. But is he going to be able to do this when the honeymoon period (such as it is) ends and the mundanity of an ordinary relationship sets in?

You have said yourself you don’t think he can stop drinking. So you are going to have to gatekeep this. Are you really going to take this on.

LeavesOnTrees · 09/09/2025 08:20

His poor daughter having her drunk divorcing father sleeping on her sofa.

I know you've said he's nice but he sounds like a bit of a loser to me.

Why hasn't he got himself together and moved into his own place ? I'm sure not going on the 4 holidays would have helped his finances, and if he really wanted to go on holiday with you he would have, even just a long weekend.

OP if you are determined to make a go of it with this man, I would suggest a break until his divorce has gone through, he has his own place to live and has stopped drinking. Until then he's not in a position to have a loving relationship with you.

AllTheChatsAboutTea · 09/09/2025 08:50

Your father was an alcoholic. I suspect that’s a significant part of why you’re minimising your DP’s behaviour. You grew up seeing it as normal. It’s not.

You want peace for you and your child yet you seem determined to fight for a relationship that doesn’t bring you peace. This man is causing you stress and worry. Even if it is true that he is “lovely”, he “only” drinks at weekends and is “trying” to cut down, you should want better for yourself and your child. There are better men out there.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. This is not your problem to fix, OP. Time to value yourself and walk away.

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 09:57

Oh I missed the bit about him sleeping on his Daughter’s sofa before moving back into the ex marital home.
Anyway, I still maintain he could move into his own (rented) place, or take a room as a lodger.
He’s making an absolute FOOL of the OP, and not only is he a piss head, he’s a cocklodger in the making, mark my words.
Does his ex clean up his pissy puddles I wonder?

pinkfondu · 09/09/2025 10:12

Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:31

A lot of women on here are very black and white . I am not daft and he isn't an animal . I am just saying the times he does get drunk it puts me off and I feel bad . He has cut back and he is aware but says he just enjoys a drink and not got a problem . But it's a problem when it's making me upset

He’s telling you loud and clear he isn’t going to change. It’s not a problem FOR HIM.

vegetarianlouise · 09/09/2025 10:30

pinkfondu · 09/09/2025 10:12

He’s telling you loud and clear he isn’t going to change. It’s not a problem FOR HIM.

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He already fell drunk on a bbq and needed to be taken in a stretcher so his drinking IS a problem, it's also causing quite some problems with the actual GF (the OP) and he pisses on peoples floors so again: it is a problem. Sadly in his eyes he doesn't have an addiction "he just enjoys a drink". The denial is quite worrying. He is driving to the OP's house drunk (and probably drink driving back from the pub on weekends) which is also very worrying. People like this need to touch bottom to have a "wake up call", usually a car accident, crashing against a tree or running someone over.

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 10:58

He moved into his daughters when he found out about the affair . Had nowhere to go . I have told him I'm taking a step back and hope his divorce works out. It's a shame as he is such a generous kind man but I am a generous kind woman . So I feel bad but all he ha said since yesterday is sorry and sorry for disappointing you . Said he worn drink again . Then nothing , I told him he knows inhave anxiety and he should talk to me but he just left me on read . His daughter coming over later to do my daughters hair which is awkward but it's done and I have told him. I can't be sideline of divorce .

OP posts:

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 10:59

vegetarianlouise · 09/09/2025 10:30

He already fell drunk on a bbq and needed to be taken in a stretcher so his drinking IS a problem, it's also causing quite some problems with the actual GF (the OP) and he pisses on peoples floors so again: it is a problem. Sadly in his eyes he doesn't have an addiction "he just enjoys a drink". The denial is quite worrying. He is driving to the OP's house drunk (and probably drink driving back from the pub on weekends) which is also very worrying. People like this need to touch bottom to have a "wake up call", usually a car accident, crashing against a tree or running someone over.

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No we always get a taxi , walk or a lift. My son did the driving Saturday . Dropped us off and picked us up

OP posts:

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 11:07

Michrose · 09/09/2025 10:58

He moved into his daughters when he found out about the affair . Had nowhere to go . I have told him I'm taking a step back and hope his divorce works out. It's a shame as he is such a generous kind man but I am a generous kind woman . So I feel bad but all he ha said since yesterday is sorry and sorry for disappointing you . Said he worn drink again . Then nothing , I told him he knows inhave anxiety and he should talk to me but he just left me on read . His daughter coming over later to do my daughters hair which is awkward but it's done and I have told him. I can't be sideline of divorce .

Please explain how he has able to afford these expensive holidays, yet he is unable to fund his living arrangements?
Anyway, it’s good that you’ve decided to take a step back at least. But I am sure you’ll be back on MN in a few weeks/months regardless when it’s all gone tits up again 🙄

Crunchienuts · 09/09/2025 11:14

I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this. I’m sure he has some good qualities as well but I couldn’t be with someone who behaved like this when they were drunk. If he is not prepared to give up drinking, which he probably isn’t, I would end the relationship.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/09/2025 11:15

Michrose · 09/09/2025 10:58

He moved into his daughters when he found out about the affair . Had nowhere to go . I have told him I'm taking a step back and hope his divorce works out. It's a shame as he is such a generous kind man but I am a generous kind woman . So I feel bad but all he ha said since yesterday is sorry and sorry for disappointing you . Said he worn drink again . Then nothing , I told him he knows inhave anxiety and he should talk to me but he just left me on read . His daughter coming over later to do my daughters hair which is awkward but it's done and I have told him. I can't be sideline of divorce .

Well done OP. I know it’s painful but you have done the right thing.

If he genuinely wants to stop drinking and sort himself out it has to come from him. But you are totally right to make clear you aren’t going to be an enabler.

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 11:26

Crunchienuts · 09/09/2025 11:14

I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this. I’m sure he has some good qualities as well but I couldn’t be with someone who behaved like this when they were drunk. If he is not prepared to give up drinking, which he probably isn’t, I would end the relationship.

Well it's the booking holidays too but I took mine away on my own and felt should be there . I can't why child care for more than a few night so we was going to go away for a long weekend . We have done a spa weekend but I just felt if I can't get childcare then surely we can all go . He says he worries about kids at home with her so is there but didn't care when in Turkey and Australia and now sound Australia again . I'm not here to be his cheerleader .

OP posts:

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 11:27

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/09/2025 11:15

Well done OP. I know it’s painful but you have done the right thing.

If he genuinely wants to stop drinking and sort himself out it has to come from him. But you are totally right to make clear you aren’t going to be an enabler.

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It is painful. Will just tell kids that his divorce is messy and was making me feel stressed .

OP posts:

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 11:42

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 07:40

Also, why did he move back in? If he’d moved out, why go back?
none of this adds up.

Because he can't afford to rent and can't be on daughters sofa until house is sold.

OP posts:

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 11:44

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 11:07

Please explain how he has able to afford these expensive holidays, yet he is unable to fund his living arrangements?
Anyway, it’s good that you’ve decided to take a step back at least. But I am sure you’ll be back on MN in a few weeks/months regardless when it’s all gone tits up again 🙄

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I won't be . When I split up with people I am very good at moving on . I don't hang around . I have my lovely children , home and job. I am happy . I am not in tears over him . His loss.

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TaupeRaven · 09/09/2025 11:46

There's only one thing you can influence here OP, and it's not his drinking. He's an embarrassing and badly behaved drunk, and the whole thing about going out with your friend is controlling - surely that's a far bigger issue than the drinking? These are huge red flags and the only thing left for you to decide, as I see it, is when you're getting shot of him

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 11:47

RosaMoline · 09/09/2025 09:57

Oh I missed the bit about him sleeping on his Daughter’s sofa before moving back into the ex marital home.
Anyway, I still maintain he could move into his own (rented) place, or take a room as a lodger.
He’s making an absolute FOOL of the OP, and not only is he a piss head, he’s a cocklodger in the making, mark my words.
Does his ex clean up his pissy puddles I wonder?

Not a cock lodger . He only stays at my house one night per week. Joe's home other nights when here. He is buying a flat with sale of house . He has to move his two daughters one it him who are 18 and 20. I would never move a man in until we have been together for a few years and my youngest is older.

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paradisecircus · 09/09/2025 11:49

I think it sounds like quite a significant problem, particularly at his age. A possible deal breaker. Even without that though, him not liking you going out with other friends is a red flag. I'm wondering if you're trying to find good things to say about him to convince yourself he isn't that bad, when he's actually quite problematic as a partner,

Original poster

Michrose · 09/09/2025 11:54

paradisecircus · 09/09/2025 11:49

I think it sounds like quite a significant problem, particularly at his age. A possible deal breaker. Even without that though, him not liking you going out with other friends is a red flag. I'm wondering if you're trying to find good things to say about him to convince yourself he isn't that bad, when he's actually quite problematic as a partner,

Because my friend is single and gets Ina bit of a mess at times. But we was just catching up . I don't have a social life because my children are my social life . I do go out at times but I put my money towards getting me new house up and holiday for me and kids. I just go through phases where I just want to nest at home and I was going out with him and having lovely dates . But I think it's just the end now . Well it is

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