Boyfriend drinks too much

[Michrose]

I am 47 and been seeing my boyfriend who is 55 for almost a year . Kids get in well with him and I get on with his kids. He is loving , caring , generous , does lots for me . He is at second stage of divorce and their house is on the market . He sleeps in his old daughters room as she moved out . However he likes a drink . I didn't think too much ti start with but it's starting to put me off. Then when he is sober and being helpful etc I feel ok. Examples are he gets drunk but won't stop drinking . Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty . Times when I'm certain he has had a drink before he comes over as gets drunk too quickly on small beers. He showed me a clip of him falling over drunk on the pavement of him before we met and was laughing , then yesterday one his daughters showed me a photo of him being carried it on stretcher by paramedics when he was drunk once and fell down stairs . She showed me because at the bbq yesterday he fell of his grandsons balance bike and cut his leg. He was staggering and stuffing spicy food in his mouth and trying to kiss me .x his other daughter stopped him drinking and has said in past he should stop. I have found my peace after an awful divorce . I have my own house for me and my children . I need peace . He brings me calm often and so good with the kids but everytime he gets drunk which every weekend it puts me off . At times he is down the cricket club texting me which I like but he repeats himself and says he isn't drunk . Then later says he is , I had one night out with my friend to see a tribute band and he didn't like it , saying i was mugging him off . He isn't a cruel person and never been horrible. He has not once let me down . He later said I should go out and his own insecurities , I can't help how I feel when he is drunk it puts me off and I worry he won't stop and I can't settle down with someone who gets silly when drunk .

well o have told him to do it at home so his ex wife to be can clear it up

Why his ex-wife? Why shouldn't he clear up his own filthy piss?

My dad was an alcoholic and is and I am not protective . I will see if he stops but I don't think he will.

I'm just saying it because they live together . I'm done.

So? None of that negates the fact that he’s an alcoholic.

Why are you introducing an alcoholic into your kids lives?

It would be a firm no from me, for the alcoholism and the controlling (it’s not ok to make you feel bad for seeing your friend)

Just a thought OP. He says the divorce is because of his wife’s infidelity. I’m wondering if she was sick of him being a drunk and she looked elsewhere for a man she could rely on.

Also, I married a man ‘who liked a drink’. Not getting into any details but we divorced sixteen years later. Twenty five years later his whole life revolves around his Amazon drinks delivery, his daily trips to the pub. He has many health conditions along with open sores on his legs. He won’t stop drinking. He’s ruined two marriages because drinking is his whole life.

OP only you can decide what you want do. I wish you well.

I'd love his wife's view on their relationship.
Alcoholics are often smelly, often have poor hygiene (pissing on the floor and leaving it to you🤢) and it is unfathomable to me how anyone would find them physically attractive.

You probably have been conditioned by your background to be more tolerant than the average person.

Drinking as he does inevitably impacts health.
His ex wife is no doubt ditching him before she feels caught up by it.

He got insecure I would leave him . My friend is single and likes to get chatted up etc. I told him it was fine. I didn't introduce my kids right away and I didn't think there was a problem . I am a good mum thank you . Like I have said they are not near him when he has been drunk .

No he isn't smelly at all. Very clean . Always looks nice . Very attractive. It's the after me gets drunk that's the problem like I said .

No she had multiple affairs . Got caught admitted it . Her own kids caught her and told me them selves also .

Every controlling person does it out of insecurity. Why is a 55yr old scared his girlfriend is going to run off with someone else because she’s having a night out.

Like I said, he’s a loser.

Are your ex’s all bad news too? Is this a pattern you make? Ignore red flags? How much confidence do you have?

You have the chance to meet someone decent and you’ve chosen and insecure alcoholic. Why?

My son is 7. I would never allow him to be around an alcoholic or anyone seriously drunk.

Raise your standards!

I am confident and happy on my own. He just came into my life and it was nice . As time went on I started to think does he drink too much. So he cut back but then I noticed it starting again . He has never been horrible or nasty to me. Always helps me out and my kids. It's a shame. He said sorry lots re my night out and was fine when I went out but like I soad to him you have a social life through dads so I have to have one too.

I do think he's an alcoholic. He's pissed on your floor several times. I appreciate that he hasn't been abusive like some alcoholics, but he does have a drinking problem.

So you can see the problems, can see that he’s a poor example of a man to be around your young daughter (I hope you can see that). But you’re still making excuses for him?

Yes he may be nice enough to have around but he’s also an alcoholic. Alcoholics are never fun to be with long term or has as a step dad figure.

Move on and in the future settle down with someone who is sensible, looks after themselves and can provide a safe and stable home environment for the kids.

Knowingly having a middle aged alcoholic in your home is poor decision making on your part. I think it shows your lack of confidence.

Exactly this! OP has low standards. Men can clearly do what they want and it’s up to women to accommodate them. Poor daughter who’s growing up watching this buffoon and her mum accepting it.

He is never drunk around my child and my house is very safe and my children are very safe and loved, he doenst live with me and won't be.

So who cleans up your bathroom once he has missed the toilet when peeing.

How sad for your daughter to come home to that. As I guess she is at her father's when you have him round.

How is that any better? He's grim.

It's not a regular thing . It's happens a few times when she is at her dads . She has an upstairs toilet with my other girls .

It doesn’t have to be a daily thing to be grim and unacceptable. But you seem determined to minimise this.

OP you keep repeating again and again like a mantra that your kids haven't seen him drunk. That's great (and please keep that up). But what about you?

Your whole approach seems to be that you can mitigate your way out of this by protecting your family from this guy.

Take a step back and ask yourself this: do you really want to build a life with someone from whom you need to protect your kids? What do you want? Don't you want better for yourself than a man who repeatedly pisses on the floor of the toilet because he's too drunk to aim at the bowl? What happened to you to make you think that you deserve a man in such an advanced stage of alcoholism that you have to keep him away from your kids?

You may be able to protect your children from him, but what would be the point? To end up years down the line wiping the arse of someone who is prematurely terminally ill because he's drunk himself to death?

Because, and sorry to scare you, that is what's going to happen. I'd bet my house he isn't going to stop drinking because he almost certainly can't. I'd bet another house that this is why his marriage ended. (Yes maybe she had affairs but that would have been the trigger, not the root cause.)

Give him "one chance" if you must to prove he can stop. But for Christ's sake don't sink your life into looking after this guy. It will never be worth the investment.

Oh this thread is still going with the OP’s robotic responses:

He’s a good man,

He is kind to his/my kids.

He is never drunk around my kid.

…it’s like talking to a chatbot.

Ok