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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend drinks too much

295 replies

Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:05

I am 47 and been seeing my boyfriend who is 55 for almost a year . Kids get in well with him and I get on with his kids. He is loving , caring , generous , does lots for me . He is at second stage of divorce and their house is on the market . He sleeps in his old daughters room as she moved out . However he likes a drink . I didn't think too much ti start with but it's starting to put me off. Then when he is sober and being helpful etc I feel ok. Examples are he gets drunk but won't stop drinking . Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty . Times when I'm certain he has had a drink before he comes over as gets drunk too quickly on small beers. He showed me a clip of him falling over drunk on the pavement of him before we met and was laughing , then yesterday one his daughters showed me a photo of him being carried it on stretcher by paramedics when he was drunk once and fell down stairs . She showed me because at the bbq yesterday he fell of his grandsons balance bike and cut his leg. He was staggering and stuffing spicy food in his mouth and trying to kiss me .x his other daughter stopped him drinking and has said in past he should stop. I have found my peace after an awful divorce . I have my own house for me and my children . I need peace . He brings me calm often and so good with the kids but everytime he gets drunk which every weekend it puts me off . At times he is down the cricket club texting me which I like but he repeats himself and says he isn't drunk . Then later says he is , I had one night out with my friend to see a tribute band and he didn't like it , saying i was mugging him off . He isn't a cruel person and never been horrible. He has not once let me down . He later said I should go out and his own insecurities , I can't help how I feel when he is drunk it puts me off and I worry he won't stop and I can't settle down with someone who gets silly when drunk .

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 07/09/2025 11:08

Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty.

Erm, that is nasty! He sounds like an alcoholic. I would walk away and have some self respect.

RandomMess · 07/09/2025 11:08

He’s got an alcohol problem, it isn’t going away.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/09/2025 11:10

'Pisses all over my toilet floor'

I got as far as that. never mind the rest.

There are 100000's of men out there, why do you think so little of yourself that you have settled for this one.

Get rid. be single. Do you have to have a boyfriend - they are supposed to enhance your life not make you miserable.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/09/2025 11:11

He is a serious alcoholic and is doing his best to minimise it.

This is going to get far worse if you get too involved. He's far too old and set in his ways to want to change even if he wasn't an alcoholic (which he is).

Bin him off before you become any more attached. You shouldn't really have introduced your kids to him but that's done. This isn't going to work.

Nellephant10 · 07/09/2025 11:11

Sounds like he is an alcoholic. If you aren't prepared to deal with the fallout that addiction causes to relationships, health, families, you should probably call it. Lots of people with addictions are lovely, so not saying he isn't when he is sober. But unless he wants to stop (which it sounds like he doesn't given he continually gets into these states, even at inappropriate times e.g. his grandson's birthday, and won't stop when asked by his children), he won't stop for you and you won't change him. Sad but true. I've been there and tried and so have lots of other women. Sorry.

ClassicalQueen · 07/09/2025 11:11

Pissing on the toilet floor would be a step too far! He’d be gone.

Ilovepastafortea · 07/09/2025 11:12

He would only have the chance to piss on my toilet floor once - I'd have dumped him straight after I'd packed him off home in an Uber.

Crunchymum · 07/09/2025 11:12

Disgusting (and I include the jealousy in that assessment)

Get rid. Pronto!

InterestedDad37 · 07/09/2025 11:12

He's not going to change any time soon, and is standing in a sea of red flags, waving red flags, and with a red flag stuck up his arse. Make of that what you will.

TheChosenTwo · 07/09/2025 11:14

bin him off, he’s an alcoholic.

VoodooQualities · 07/09/2025 11:15

The man you have described in your post doesn't just 'drink too much'.

He has a problem with alcohol.

People can recover from being like this, but (1) you need to find out if he wants to recover and then (2) ask yourself if you want to be with him while he goes through it.

NoraLuka · 07/09/2025 11:16

He’s doing more than getting silly OP, he doesn’t seem to be able to not drink. Don’t settle down with him unless you want to be looking after him forever more.

My own DP drinks far too much sometimes although he is a good person and never nasty, it’s still really shit to always be responsible for the drunkest person in the room.

LayeredlikeanOnion · 07/09/2025 11:19

FuzzyWolf · 07/09/2025 11:08

Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty.

Erm, that is nasty! He sounds like an alcoholic. I would walk away and have some self respect.

This

LayeredlikeanOnion · 07/09/2025 11:22

Also, where is he going to live once the marital home is sold??

Pancakeflipper · 07/09/2025 11:23

Come on OP. You know this behaviour is grim on various levels.

Being great when sober but spending alot of time pissed and wanting to get pissed makes this a unpredictable relationship and not an equal one.

You are worth better than this.

He loves drink. He has an issue regarding alcohol.
He's not respectful of you because he's too tied up in drinking

Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:28

He is a very caring and loving person . He also is there for me always . He is a very good and good with my kids. It's only when he is drunk which is once a week but stopped for a bit . I do have self respect he isn't abusive at all .

OP posts:
Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:30

He is buying flat and his two daughters that are 18 and 20 are moving in with him. He earns good money and will buy a flat . He isn't moving in with me.

OP posts:
Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:31

A lot of women on here are very black and white . I am not daft and he isn't an animal . I am just saying the times he does get drunk it puts me off and I feel bad . He has cut back and he is aware but says he just enjoys a drink and not got a problem . But it's a problem when it's making me upset

OP posts:
Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:32

He isn't directly pissing on the floor lol. He is drunk and missing the toilet

OP posts:
TranceNation · 07/09/2025 11:34

Pissing over the floor is a hallmark of an alcoholic.

BMW6 · 07/09/2025 11:35

Seriously? You are considering staying in this relationship with a piss-head who is an embarrassing mess when he gets steaming drunk regularly??

Just how desperate can you be?

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2025 11:35

Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:32

He isn't directly pissing on the floor lol. He is drunk and missing the toilet

So?

Why have you posted?

You're getting opinions and disagreeing. So stay with him and put up with it

BMW6 · 07/09/2025 11:37

Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:32

He isn't directly pissing on the floor lol. He is drunk and missing the toilet

Oh LOL indeed, very funny having to mop up someone else's piss because they're so drunk they can't aim straight or have the sense to sit the fuck down on the loo.

You must be chuckling all the time.🙄

Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:38

It was his son in laws 30th not his grandsons birthday . Everyone was drinking . I can't reply direct on this sorry for all replies that aren't direct . Also someone said I should have introduced my kids. They are adults and teens . My youngest is 7 . She had to meet him at some point as I have no support for child care and he has decorated my home so she met him . Please be kind . I'm talking about his drinking in general .

OP posts:
Michrose · 07/09/2025 11:39

I am seeing if anyone has been in a similar position to me. And no I'm not chuckling when he wees on the floor.

OP posts: