Boyfriend drinks too much

[Michrose]

I am 47 and been seeing my boyfriend who is 55 for almost a year . Kids get in well with him and I get on with his kids. He is loving , caring , generous , does lots for me . He is at second stage of divorce and their house is on the market . He sleeps in his old daughters room as she moved out . However he likes a drink . I didn't think too much ti start with but it's starting to put me off. Then when he is sober and being helpful etc I feel ok. Examples are he gets drunk but won't stop drinking . Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty . Times when I'm certain he has had a drink before he comes over as gets drunk too quickly on small beers. He showed me a clip of him falling over drunk on the pavement of him before we met and was laughing , then yesterday one his daughters showed me a photo of him being carried it on stretcher by paramedics when he was drunk once and fell down stairs . She showed me because at the bbq yesterday he fell of his grandsons balance bike and cut his leg. He was staggering and stuffing spicy food in his mouth and trying to kiss me .x his other daughter stopped him drinking and has said in past he should stop. I have found my peace after an awful divorce . I have my own house for me and my children . I need peace . He brings me calm often and so good with the kids but everytime he gets drunk which every weekend it puts me off . At times he is down the cricket club texting me which I like but he repeats himself and says he isn't drunk . Then later says he is , I had one night out with my friend to see a tribute band and he didn't like it , saying i was mugging him off . He isn't a cruel person and never been horrible. He has not once let me down . He later said I should go out and his own insecurities , I can't help how I feel when he is drunk it puts me off and I worry he won't stop and I can't settle down with someone who gets silly when drunk .

I'd have ended it the first time a bloke of this age got absolutely steaming drunk in public. There's nothing sadder than a middle aged alcoholic - and he IS an alcoholic.

Normal adults don't get in this state, even at a BBQ/party - particularly when there are kids around. The cringe factor would be far too high for me.

I have no idea why you are even questioning this. He could be the kindest, wealthiest, most loving Brad Pitt lookalike and it still wouldn't be worth tolerating this behaviour every weekend. (Or even more than once).

Why bother? Walk away, not worth your energy.

He has never and I repeat never been drunk around my youngest daughter and I have never left her with him. My other children are teenagers and adult.

This isn’t a little thing, like different views on washing up or what telly to watch, he’s been taken away by paramedics because he got so pissed. His daughters think he drinks too much. You are allowed to not feel ok about that…also, this is early days…and his ex wife might have a few tales to tell…he’s supposed to be on best behaviour.

Well that's how I feel when he gets like this . Makes me cringe and I want a man in control .

He's a liability..say cheerio
I wonder why he got divorced.. because of his drink problem perhaps.

Pisses all over my toilet floor , stares at me with his tongue out. Drops tobacco all over my floor. He is never nasty.

He sounds lovely. Has he got a brother?

She has multiple affairs

The man I mentioned in my earlier comment who was an alcoholic (denied it) was 53 and living at his parents’ house. I find the middle aged men like this have been like it all their lives and they spend every night in the pub with all the other blokes the same as them. Maybe some of them are nice blokes but it’s a sad lifestyle for a family man and definitely not healthy.

Thanks,my apologies I missed that bit.
He's still a liability, drinking so much that he pisses on your bathroom floor etc.

Gross 🤢

This is not a good man.

LTB

He's not divorced ( is he still living in the marital home?)

Gets so drunk he pisses on the floor, falls over, needs the paramedics.

OP, life tests us all the time. Is this the 'peace' you have fought for?

Im not usually part of the LTB brigade but this one needs throwing back OP!

At 55 he should know better than getting that drunk every single week, especially when he has a habit of physically hurting himself. I’d be way too worried about what he’s going to do next to be able to relax and enjoy his company.

FWIW my DP got blind drink last NYE, was dancing like a goon in the lounge, spilling drinks and knocking stuff over. He then sat down, talking rubbish with a stupid grin on his face. It was a massive turn off and all I could think of at the time was thank god it’s extremely rare for him to get properly drunk. How do you even fancy someone that embarrasses themselves all the time?

Well that's how it's starting to feel . I can't sleep with someone drunk and I won't

I don't get why you are not more concerned about him accusing you of 'mugging him off' after your one night off? He sounds controlling, manipulative and a bit of an arse. He is a 55 year old man who gets drunk like a teenager in Freshers week, I'd be embarrassed. You have become very defensive and I get that you are hoping we will say that it's all ok, he's not an alcoholic (though your responses have become more minimising of his behaviour as you have received criticism) because you genuinely like him. But, In truth I think you have to expect better, you say you don't argue but what the hell did you say to him after he got at you for having a night out? Did you smile and nod and try to not annoy him? That is not healthy

Every excuse under the sun OP, they’re always the perfect gentleman until they aren’t.
My BiL is an alcoholic, my sister thought he was wonderful until he started hitting her when she tried stopping him driving blind drunk or using machinery when absolutely plastered.
His family thought he was the perfect father/son/ brother until he started getting drunk at family events including his son’s wedding where he ended up peeing in a wine bucket at the top table.
I really feel for your 7 year old ending up witnessing his behaviour and thinking up excuses like you are doing now.

So he's a jealous alcoholic?

Everyone thinks he's lovely? So he saves his shittest behaviour for you and his kids? That is not a lovely man. Why do you think you should put up with regularly dealing with this?

Once a week/a few times a month is not an occasional one-off/got carried away thing, it's a regularly drinking to excess with no off-button. That's every weekend wondering what state he is getting in, where is that peace you say you have?

No I told him I was going . My friend is single and he was worried I would meet someone because of his wife had affairs he got insecure . I did do and had a good night, he said sorry and was his own insecurities and was wrong of him to say it.

And I never try not to annoy him. He has never been horrible to me at all . Which makes it all the harder .

Well no his kids love him . They told me he is the main parent and always there for them. I know his is too.. he doors all the running around, looks after them all. It's difficult because he is a good man but the alcohol is a no go

So everyone doesn't like him?

Of course his kids love him, he's their dad.

First post nails it.

The first time he pissed on the floor i'd have been done, if not before...

She doesn't witness it . She hasn't been around him drunk . His own kids have who are all adults and teens. Not mine

I do have self respect he isn't abusive at all .

Self respect has got nothing to do with him being abusive. He pissed on your floor. The man doesn't have to be abusive. He pissed on the floor, he has no respect for you.