To think DH should share his windfall

[Myy]

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

OP studiously avoiding answering any uncomfortable questions that don't fit with her sense of outrage and entitlement! 😁

It is a bit 'heads I win, tails you lose' isn't it - we'll each have a bit of cash that we can do what we want with, no business of the other's, yours is yours mine is mine, except if you're sensible with yours in which case yours is mine too.

I'm sure I've seen threads on MN where a woman with some assets to her name is getting married to someone with far less; the advice then is pretty much unanimously that steps should be taken to protect those assets to prevent them becoming the property of the spouse-to-be - trusts and the like. However when it's the man who's got a bit of bunce we're inundated with people from the 19th century quoting marriage vows and denying the independence of either party involved.

But you're a woman, so that's OK

The OPs DH doing the same thing isn't allowed on MN.

He has taken out small amounts from time to time. He is keeping the rest invested

@Myy While you talk about a 'windfall', do you realise that a profit is only a profit when it's cashed in? Crypto, like stocks and shares are risky and so could fall in value tomorrow. If this happens would you be reimbursing him part of his losses?

The way I interpret the term 'windfall' in OP's post is that her husband has suddenly come into a large and unexpected amount of money which she thinks should be shared.

That is a completely different scenario to one where he's got a large pot of money as a result of him saving for years by putting some of his personal money aside each month.

When it comes to a windfall in the way I define it, I would absolutely split it with my husband!

I don't see it as any different to me sharing a large lottery win with my husband.

Not that I'm an expert on Crypto, but I'd be withdrawing the windfall, spend some of it on the boring bits of life, and then split the rest 50/50 with my husband and tell him to knock himself out 😂

We have separate financial lives.
DH just doesn’t know how money works.
He hands over the necessary to me.
I don’t know what he does with the rest.

It's not someone else though, it's her husband.
I don't understand this mentality at all (unless financial separation is due to problems with gambling or someone preparing to leave etc)
If I bought a lottery ticket or invested wisely and gained a windfall, absolutely I'd be sharing it with my husband and children, I'd expect the same in return. We are a family unit and what affects or benefits one (good OR bad) affects/benefits us all. Is this not the norm?!

If you had put all your fun money in to buying a car, and DH had lost all his by gambling on risky crypto, would you sell your car to pay off the mortgage if he asked you to?

YABU that’s his money not yours you didn’t put anything toward to crypto so what on earth makes you think that you should benefit from his good fortune.

Crypto is a long term investment.
It’s his fun money, so leave him to it.

dh found out the hard way.

his first marriage everything was joint, money pooled, no individual accounts.

only to wake up one day for his then wife to tell him she wasn’t happy and he needed to leave. Once the shock had worn off it became clear she’d been having an affair and had planned everything. House had been remortgaged to reduce equity and an extension built. She chucked him out the day before sign off.

visited the bank and every single penny was gone. All their savings from the last 15 years, everything.

so yes, he’s more than happy that we have separate finances. We consider everything “family” money and there’s no counting as to who spends what, we just pay for whatever. It’s just not in a joint account. But spent exactly the same.

There doesn't seem to be any indication that this won't happen eventually though, it's just that the husband doesn't think the time to cash in wholesale is now. If they are financially secure at the moment (which is what the OP said), then if he is thinking about their future wellbeing then staying invested is exactly the right thing to do. Whereas the OP's attitude seems to be 'right you've made a bit of money, so give me it now'. I'm in a similar position in a way - I've built up a decent amount in my ISA thanks to regularly bunging spare bits of cash in and investing in equity tracker funds. The intention is to use it for retirement and we certainly don't need it now. If my OH were to say 'right I fancy half of that, hand it over'...err no.

Ooh, this is an interesting one and I think depends how you do things in general.

Yes, it's 100% his, but whenever I buy a lottery ticket I always talk to DH about whst WE would do with it.

We have always had the same financial goals though - pay off mortgage interspersed with a few nice holidays, save for the pension etc. We arent stuff or whimsical buying people.

I'm not sure how it would work if we hadn't always agreed on stuff. If you have literally drawn lines of having defined His and Hers pots, rather than just joint and personal bank accounts that you all use flexibly then yeah, it's probably more his.

I'm reluctant to say that though because usually the defined His and Hers comes from a position where one is not financially responsible. So is someone a bit more spendy?

Why weird? Its his fun money. He's paid off some towards their mortgage, treated himself to some small items (which he would have bought from his fun money anyway) and kept the rest invested. Its nothing to do with her how he deals with his fun money.

Call me old fashioned but It seems to me that if you are married money should be shared. I really don’t understand all this working out who owns what like two friends trying to sort out a bill. If he is committed to the relationship than he should want to share and invest in it.

I don't understand married couples who separate finances like they are single and dating.

I play music and get paid. I keep that to buy more music stuff. Never thought it should be shared tbh

Start investing your fun money if yoh want the same. Or agree to invest some joint savings with profit going to mortgage etc.

Dh and I have our own money to do what we want with. I have invested most of mine - we discussed beforehand what we would do if our fun money made money.
I probably would have spent it on something else if the expectation was that I would put any potential earnings back into the family pot to pay bills. Where’s the fun in that?
Between us we decided I would keep half of any earnings and the rest would be used for the family - but for fun stuff like holidays, not mortgage.

I made a lot of money in the same way, and it all went into the pot. But it was a good 7 figures, far too much for me to spend on just me, and a lot went towards property and education, which I can't really ringfence to just benefit myself.

I think if it's his fun money it's fair enough he doesn't want to use it all to pay the mortgage. It sounds like he has shared with you by overpaying and he could maybe pay for a holiday or something. Maybe he will if you leave him to it.

Personally I wouldn't want have fully joint finances but I accept that some people do.

I find it really odd that some people on here with joint finances thing everyone should be the same as them.

I don't get this "fun money" idea. You are married, you have kids, a house. All money is joint money. Just spend, or not, invest it, or not, talk about what you are doing, no secrets, anything anybody wins or inherits is a joint asset.

Can't really comment unless you say how much were talking about OP.

Exactly. My mum does art and recently sold seven paintings and sketches in her art group's exhibition. My dad said: "Ooh how much did you make?!" My mum said: "Enough to buy some more canvases and frames." When he looked a bit put out, she added: "If you want to earn money from art I'd be happy to give you a few lessons - no charge!"