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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should share his windfall

257 replies

Myy · 07/09/2025 09:25

I haven’t asked DH to share anything but I’d like to get your thoughts…
DH has gained a windfall from investing in Crypto with his “fun money” - money we have to spend on ourselves.

Although we are financially stable, I think this money could be used to pay off a substantial part of our mortgage or be used for a 1000 other things. All he has done is cash in small amounts to buy his “toys” and overpay small amounts of the mortgage

AIBU to think he could be generous and share with me.

OP posts:
Thevibb · 07/09/2025 11:50

AbzMoz · 07/09/2025 11:31

It is worth having a conversation around how that money can be used to better your family’s overall position. It’s not about ‘sharing’ as it not about you having a share - it’s about him using the money for the family benefit.
eg if he can take income of £’00 a month from it without drawing principal, he can direct that to the mortgage to pay it off quicker or free up funds for other investments / pensions etc.

Where would he/you like to be in 3 years? In 10? Surrounded by some toys or feeling happier about the family finances?

You cannot get an income from this - they don't pay a dividend. You'll have to sell.

Cardiaga · 07/09/2025 11:53

OP you’re not taking on board people’s questions. Would you have covered any loses as one poster asked upthread? Did you use your fun money to benefit both of you as another asked? If the answers are no you might want to reconsider the outrage

femfemlicious · 07/09/2025 11:56

No he shouldn't HAVE to share. It's his money, you have yours. He has already paid part of the mortgage. If there is something in particular you would like to buy you can ask him nicely and he can say yes or no.

MoFadaCromulent · 07/09/2025 11:56

Absolute result for the OP with her idea of what's fair.

Get to spend your fun money on fun stuff for yourself.... Also get to spend his fun money on that you deem necessary.

Totally fair

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 07/09/2025 11:58

So if he'd lost, would you give him half ?

CopperWhite · 07/09/2025 12:01

Marriage doesn’t mean you can’t do or own anything as an individual. If he made his investment from money that was allocated to him to do what he wants with then it’s all still rightfully his to do what he wants with.

Be thankful he has already chosen to use some of it on the mortgage.

Enigma54 · 07/09/2025 12:01

How much of a windfall are we talking here?

laclochette · 07/09/2025 12:01

honeylulu · 07/09/2025 10:58

You haven't answered what you chose to do with your fun money.

I think it's a bit off of you to have agreed that all us joint except the fun money and each partner is free to do as they wish with it but then when you've enjoyed spending yours while he's invested his you decide he should share!

Crypto investing could easily have gone the other way. I have a feeling you wouldn't have wanted to share any losses.

Perhaps I'm a bit needled by this thread because we have a similar arrangement - joint for household and kids stuff but separate for surplus/discretionary spending or saving. I tend to save, husband fritters. But this means if we have a major household expense like renovation or fancy an extra holiday, I end up paying because I've got the money and he's spent his. It does rankle somewhat. He also moans that my pension is much better than his because I overpay into it but he'll also benefit from the eventual income into the household from that too.

Well this just sounds like you need to rejig your budget. As it's unfair that you have to use your discretionary spending for shared expenses. If you're not as a couple putting enough into joint savings to cover those unexpected out-of-pocket expenses, you should each take a bit less fun money each month, and put more into your shared sinking fund instead. Your fun money deserves to be just that.

Thatsthebottomline · 07/09/2025 12:03

So if this was your windfall would you be sharing ? I didn't think so. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine.

Interesting.

willowtree99 · 07/09/2025 12:05

Remember as well that there will be Capital gains tax to pay on any increase in value over 3k, at 18/24%, so if he does decide to sell he should transfer at least £3k of it to you (not a taxible event) then you can use your tax free CGT allowance.

laclochette · 07/09/2025 12:05

OP I don't think there's any obligation on your DH's part, based on the technicalities of your arrangement. But I suspect the emotional logic which underpins is is that you would like his first instinct for a windfall to be towards you (you plural, you as a couple) / the family unit. I would certainly hope that would be my life partner's first instinct - be it taking us all on a nice holiday, updating the car or redecorating or whatever, all examples where he benefits, yes, but so do you - you all benefit together. It would make me sad if my partner wanted to spend a windfall entirely individually, for his private benefit alone. Purely because it would speak to his feelings and values.

If however he simply wanted to let the asset be, and hopefully grow, not to liquidate it, which is what he sounds like he's doing in your case...I would say that's his choice!

382827GGH · 07/09/2025 12:06

Would you have covered half of it had it been lost?

You diidnt answer this excellent question @Myy

willowtree99 · 07/09/2025 12:07

Thevibb · 07/09/2025 11:50

You cannot get an income from this - they don't pay a dividend. You'll have to sell.

Show quote history

Depends what crypto he has.

Some can be staked to gain additional units.

Mustbethat · 07/09/2025 12:07

Enigma54 · 07/09/2025 12:01

How much of a windfall are we talking here?

It’s not a windfall yet.

it’s invested. An asset, the same way their house is an asset, their car, or any other savings.

he has to sell it.

you wouldn’t just decide to sell your house or remortgage to fund a round the world trip. Or sell your car.

it’s invested, and is accumulating value for the future. Why should he sell it because his wife wants half?

it could be accumulating more value yearly than they’re paying on the mortgage. In which case it’s a bad idea to sell and pay off the mortgage. I could pay off my mortgage- I have the value invested in an isa. However my isa brings in 8% and my mortgage is 4%, so I’d be stupid to cash in the USA.

it sounds like the dh is money savvy, o/p, not so much.

Mustbethat · 07/09/2025 12:10

laclochette · 07/09/2025 12:05

OP I don't think there's any obligation on your DH's part, based on the technicalities of your arrangement. But I suspect the emotional logic which underpins is is that you would like his first instinct for a windfall to be towards you (you plural, you as a couple) / the family unit. I would certainly hope that would be my life partner's first instinct - be it taking us all on a nice holiday, updating the car or redecorating or whatever, all examples where he benefits, yes, but so do you - you all benefit together. It would make me sad if my partner wanted to spend a windfall entirely individually, for his private benefit alone. Purely because it would speak to his feelings and values.

If however he simply wanted to let the asset be, and hopefully grow, not to liquidate it, which is what he sounds like he's doing in your case...I would say that's his choice!

Edited

He isn’t spending the “windfall” though. It’s an investment/savings he’s dipping into now and again.

same as if o/p had an isa, and cashed in £1k to buy herself something. That doesn’t mean her dh can insist she sells the lot and split it.

like I said, if it is making more annually that they’re paying on the mortgage or other debts, it would be stupid to sell it- they’d loss a lot of money.

AbzMoz · 07/09/2025 12:11

Thevibb · 07/09/2025 11:50

You cannot get an income from this - they don't pay a dividend. You'll have to sell.

Show quote history

You can indeed get income from crypto through staking or lending. Subject to tax on either the income or the capital if you were to sell.

Twattergy · 07/09/2025 12:12

I think the amount of money here is material. If he's made 200k and your remaining mortgage is 200k then you should be having a joint conversation about how to deploy the funds, as it could greatly affect your shared lifestyle and future. If its not enough to do that then I'd say its up to him. I've been in a similar situation except the money was inheritance. I had enough to get a new kitchen and pay off our mortgage and I decided myself that's what I wanted to do with the money and DH agreed (unsurprisingly!). With lesser amounts of my own money I dont see it as my DHs business what i do with it. We fully share day to day and holiday finances, so beyond day to day we make independent decisions. So in summary id say that the lead decision on how to deploy money should be with the person who comes into that money. But lifestyle-affecting decisions should be discussed and mutual agreements come to.

rwalker · 07/09/2025 12:12

Your being grabby

you have joint finances for bills then each have a bit of fun money to do what you want with
OP presumably burnt through her which is what it’s for DH took a risk invested his and did well
I find it incredibly hard to believe if he would of lost the lot OP would of offered to replace it with some of her fun money

you could of invested your money if u wanted to

user2848502016 · 07/09/2025 12:14

If this were DH and me I don’t think it would occur to either of us to keep it all to ourselves- most would go on sensible stuff like paying off the mortgage and some kept back for fun stuff

LondonLady1980 · 07/09/2025 12:16

YANBU!

If I came into lots of money in this manner I would immediately give 50% of it to DH, it wouldn't even occur to me to do otherwise! And he'd do the same if it was the other way round too!!!

I'd want him to enjoy it just as much as me!

There's absolutely no way I would consider it to be 'mine'.

PlutarchHeavensbee · 07/09/2025 12:16

I’m an artist as a hobby and some of my fun money goes towards materials. I sell my work. Any money that I get as a result goes into our joint savings, it would never occur to me to keep this for myself, but then my DH and I share everything and always have. What we have as a family goes towards the benefit of us both and has done for the last 35 years.

Missey85 · 07/09/2025 12:19

YABU you say it's fun money so it's his I assume you spent your "fun money?" On yourself he was smart with his and invested it

Mustbethat · 07/09/2025 12:22

LondonLady1980 · 07/09/2025 12:16

YANBU!

If I came into lots of money in this manner I would immediately give 50% of it to DH, it wouldn't even occur to me to do otherwise! And he'd do the same if it was the other way round too!!!

I'd want him to enjoy it just as much as me!

There's absolutely no way I would consider it to be 'mine'.

To be clear, he is not in possession of the money, it’s invested. He is not “enjoying” the whole lot, he’s cashing in small amounts and paying the mortgage, buying himself something he wants/needs

do you have any savings? Individually or jointly? If your dh one day decided to cash it all in, split it and spend his half would you be ok with it? If you were saving for a new car for example, but you dh said actually anything you save I get half of to spend how I want?

RainOnTins · 07/09/2025 12:27

A thread about not sharing money and suddenly half of MN turn into staunch traditionalists. Is it really that difficult to comprehend that making a decision to keep some, or even all money separate, can be a sensible thing?

Rosesanddaffs · 07/09/2025 12:35

@Myy it would be nice of him to share, but he shouldn’t have to as whatever he’s gained has been through his fun money xx