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Original poster

Is this a shitty thing to do by DH

251 replies

Oscarsmom71 · 06/09/2025 17:01

Do just been out for a couple of drinks in large city centre.
Almost at train station to go home.
There is a road to cross with busy traffic and trams crossing.
DH sees traffic coming and runs across leaving me and makes it to the other side and turns around and laughs because he made it and I was left at the other side of the road.
He thinks it’s highly funny I didn’t make it.
So then I have to wait to cross when it’s safe.
DH can’t see why I’m upset. But to me it’s not caring. Not seeing if I cross safely.
To me he should’ve waited until I crossed safely not dash across and laugh at me.
For context also I had a nasty fall crossing a road once which he is aware of how long it took me to recover.

OP posts:
minishiteboard · 07/09/2025 08:16

FOR FUCK"S SAKE

this is the most needy and weedy post ever @Oscarsmom71

you are 54

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/09/2025 08:18

5foot5 · 07/09/2025 00:27

So this incident probably looked different depending on which side you were viewing it from.

I am assuming this happened in the UK where "jay walking" is not a thing and it is not illegal to cross the road when the light is against the pedestrian or, indeed, at any random location.

Surely it is not unusual for a grown adult to quickly assess the approaching traffic and conclude that it is OK to cross NOW provided they don't dawdle? I know I do, although I will qualify that by saying I would never do that at a crossing if a parent is waiting with a child because I am not a dick and I don't want to undermine the parent's road safety lessons. I don't take unnecessary risks, but if I am sure I can get across I go. I am in my 60s but can still produce the necessary amount of "dash" to complete this sort of move successfully.

So what I am actually picturing here is OP and her DH arrive at the road at roughly the same time. He take a quick look and thinks it's fine and goes for it. OP is a bit more hesitant and misses her opportunity. DH is surprised when he gets to the other side to see her still over there and just laughs. No big deal. Perfectly normal reaction. Total non-event.

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This is exactly how I’m seeing it. It would never occur to me to stop and check a road is safe for both me and my husband, and then hold his hand to cross. I’m an adult - if I see the road is safe I just…cross it. I don’t dawdle or hold on to someone because that actually makes it more unsafe!

whattheysay · 07/09/2025 09:06

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/09/2025 08:15

My partner knows I’m a grown adult who doesn’t need my hand held to cross a road 🤨

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I get that your husband will leave you to cross a road in between traffic by yourself and run off ahead, but my husband doesn’t. It’s nothing to do needing to be held by the hand like I am infirm or he is condescending but I think you know that.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 07/09/2025 09:10

Twatty to laugh at someone about crossing the road or not.

Is he a twat in other ways?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 07/09/2025 09:12

FastMauveQuoter · 06/09/2025 17:47

He doesn't sound very caring. My DH always watches out for me when we are out walking together, so if we are in the woods he will say stuff like watch that tree root, hole etc, it's just something he always does. If we are in a new place, he will say"step" or kerb or whatever.

Especially as you have already had a fall. Does he realise how hurtful you found it?

Unless you are 5 years old, that’s sounds absolutely insufferable. You’re pleased that your DH treats you like an imbecile?

Sahara123 · 07/09/2025 09:19

Tontostitis · 06/09/2025 17:13

My husband holds my hands abd checks the road if I try and cross before he's checked he puts his arm out to stop me. When we started dating it annoyed me a bit but niw I recognise it's because me, and the children and now grandchildren are the most important things in his entire world and he does everything he can to protect us. If you're happy with a man who laughs at you and your past trauma then mock the OP and be happy. I think she deserves better. Find a man who treasures you OP this one doesn't

This would drive me nuts, can’t bear having people fuss over me. I am a fully grown capable adult and would rather take responsibility for getting myself across a road thank you. It’s a bit like when I’m driving and my passenger tries to tell me it’s all clear to pull out, I’m driving the car and I’ll make the decision.
My mother in law put her arm up in front of my 40 year old husband crossing a road once, I thought she was going to take his hand, it’s rather stuck with me it seems!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/09/2025 09:22

whattheysay · 07/09/2025 09:06

I get that your husband will leave you to cross a road in between traffic by yourself and run off ahead, but my husband doesn’t. It’s nothing to do needing to be held by the hand like I am infirm or he is condescending but I think you know that.

Show quote history

I don't "think I know that" at all, because that's how your husbands' actions would feel to me. Like I'm incapable and need coddling and "looking after".

Like a PP said I can't abide being fussed over so maybe that has something to do with it.

As for "leaving me to cross a road in traffic" - well, I'm an adult who can judge for myself when it's safe to cross. I don't need a man to wait for me to or to warn me that there's a kerb or a car coming Confused

honeylulu · 07/09/2025 09:32

It's the laughing and jeering that's twattish.

I'm a very cautious road crosser as I dashed across a road as a teen, was hit by a van and was quite badly injured. Therefore its not unusual that my husband and kids make it across before me as I much prefer a really big gap in the traffic. I don't mind at all that they cross without me. However, I would be annoyed if they laughed/jeered.

My eldest (now 20) does sometimes huff that they then have to wait at the other side for me but I pull him up on that and say he knows why I'm cautious so tough.

Coincidentally I'm also an Oscar's mummy!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/09/2025 09:33

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 07/09/2025 09:10

Twatty to laugh at someone about crossing the road or not.

Is he a twat in other ways?

I guess I don't see it like that.

I see it as them approaching the road together, him deciding it's safe, crossing, expecting OP to have followed and laughing because she's still waiting on the other side on her own.

I've done the same thing to DH loads of times - he's a slower walker than me, so I often cross a road and then turn around to see him still faffing about on the other side. And yes, I laugh. Not in a nasty way but in a "come on, slowpoke!" kind of way.

Sahara123 · 07/09/2025 09:36

My husband and I don’t get out much - disabled daughter- so when we do we can get a bit giggly ! Especially after a couple of drinks. If this had happened to me I’d have shaken my head at him and forgotten about it by the time I’d got home !

Enigma54 · 07/09/2025 10:32

FastMauveQuoter · 06/09/2025 17:47

He doesn't sound very caring. My DH always watches out for me when we are out walking together, so if we are in the woods he will say stuff like watch that tree root, hole etc, it's just something he always does. If we are in a new place, he will say"step" or kerb or whatever.

Especially as you have already had a fall. Does he realise how hurtful you found it?

Do you not get irritated with these comments?

WetSlates · 07/09/2025 10:47

Enigma54 · 07/09/2025 10:32

Do you not get irritated with these comments?

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If someone kept pointing out steps, kerbs and tree roots to me, unless I were visually impaired, I’d be at the point of beating him to death with my handbag within minutes.

Enigma54 · 07/09/2025 10:52

WetSlates · 07/09/2025 10:47

If someone kept pointing out steps, kerbs and tree roots to me, unless I were visually impaired, I’d be at the point of beating him to death with my handbag within minutes.

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Precisely @WetSlates I would find it INCREDIBLY annoying ( unless I was visually impaired obviously).

maudelovesharold · 07/09/2025 11:01

Tontostitis · 06/09/2025 17:13

My husband holds my hands abd checks the road if I try and cross before he's checked he puts his arm out to stop me. When we started dating it annoyed me a bit but niw I recognise it's because me, and the children and now grandchildren are the most important things in his entire world and he does everything he can to protect us. If you're happy with a man who laughs at you and your past trauma then mock the OP and be happy. I think she deserves better. Find a man who treasures you OP this one doesn't

I appreciate that this is fine in your relationship, but it would make me feel smothered and infantilised.
When dh and I are crossing the road, we do it as individuals, risk-asses it for ourselves and cross when we feel comfortable, which isn’t always at the same time!

GreyCarpet · 07/09/2025 11:15

My husband holds my hands abd checks the road if I try and cross before he's checked he puts his arm out to stop me.

I wouldn't have continued to date someone who behaved like that.

I wonder how many other 'traditional' expectations/behaviours there are in your relationship...

cosietea · 07/09/2025 11:17

You both sound like children. Why can’t you cross on your own OP? Do you need him to hold your hand? Adults are disappointing these days

ThisIsHowWeDoItThisIsHowWeDoIt · 07/09/2025 11:28

Boomer55 · 06/09/2025 17:09

I cross the road when I want to. I don’t need anyone’s help, of for them to wait for me. 🙄

Me too. I don’t like other people deciding when a road is safe to cross. I don’t like driving somewhere in two cars on the same route together either.

It’s weird to laugh at your own wife for not crossing the road at the same time as you though. He needs a hobby.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/09/2025 11:37

WetSlates · 07/09/2025 10:47

If someone kept pointing out steps, kerbs and tree roots to me, unless I were visually impaired, I’d be at the point of beating him to death with my handbag within minutes.

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Same - I'd think they were a right tosser 🙄

I guess it shows we're all different but my God it would drive me insane if DH ever fussed over me like that. Thankfully he knows I'm more than capable of crossing roads and walking downstairs without being held and warned of any potential dangers 😂

BecauseThatsHowYouGetAnts · 07/09/2025 18:07

Hes just having a bit of a laugh, lighten up. Jeez, and my partner thinks im not fun. If you're not disabled and fully able to cross a road like an adult why would you need help? I take it he waited until you crossed.

Joloman74 · 07/09/2025 18:29

Oscarsmom71 · 06/09/2025 17:01

Do just been out for a couple of drinks in large city centre.
Almost at train station to go home.
There is a road to cross with busy traffic and trams crossing.
DH sees traffic coming and runs across leaving me and makes it to the other side and turns around and laughs because he made it and I was left at the other side of the road.
He thinks it’s highly funny I didn’t make it.
So then I have to wait to cross when it’s safe.
DH can’t see why I’m upset. But to me it’s not caring. Not seeing if I cross safely.
To me he should’ve waited until I crossed safely not dash across and laugh at me.
For context also I had a nasty fall crossing a road once which he is aware of how long it took me to recover.

I'd be upset if my other half did that. Mine is good though,he always holds my hand when we cross and makes sure I get across safely. My ex husband never gave a shit and would do exactly what yours has done and find it highly amusing. I found it disrespectful and uncaring which is one of the reasons he became my ex!

NavyTurtle · 07/09/2025 18:35

Oscarsmom71 · 06/09/2025 17:01

Do just been out for a couple of drinks in large city centre.
Almost at train station to go home.
There is a road to cross with busy traffic and trams crossing.
DH sees traffic coming and runs across leaving me and makes it to the other side and turns around and laughs because he made it and I was left at the other side of the road.
He thinks it’s highly funny I didn’t make it.
So then I have to wait to cross when it’s safe.
DH can’t see why I’m upset. But to me it’s not caring. Not seeing if I cross safely.
To me he should’ve waited until I crossed safely not dash across and laugh at me.
For context also I had a nasty fall crossing a road once which he is aware of how long it took me to recover.

You are a grown adult and know how to cross a road. Grow up.

restingbitchface30 · 07/09/2025 18:43

Wouldn’t bother me at all I think you’re being a bit precious

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 07/09/2025 18:44

Joloman74 · 07/09/2025 18:29

I'd be upset if my other half did that. Mine is good though,he always holds my hand when we cross and makes sure I get across safely. My ex husband never gave a shit and would do exactly what yours has done and find it highly amusing. I found it disrespectful and uncaring which is one of the reasons he became my ex!

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I'm genuinely surprised that so many grown women on this thread like having their hand held to do basic tasks like walking across a road.

Vynalbob · 07/09/2025 18:51

Not devastating, but because of the fall it's a bit sh1tty. Does sound very immature though, and not in a good way.....does he knock on people's doors and run away, or play car chicken with his xxxxxmates.
Upto you some people's minor is a major.

Livpool · 07/09/2025 18:52

He was being daft - I don’t think I would care to be honest