To think school should’ve let me keep ds4 back a year?

[BulletinGuru]

hi im new here so sorry if this is in the wrong place.

my ds4 started reception this week, hes only just turned 4 in feb so hes one of the youngest. hes finding it really hard, crying every morning, not wanting to go in, teachers saying hes not joining in with carpet time and gets upset when hes told off.

i did ask last year about keeping him back until hes older but school said its not really possible unless theres “special reasons”. i just feel like hes not ready yet. hes still quite babyish, wants his dummy sometimes at night and struggles with writing. some of the other kids are nearly 5 and it seems unfair hes expected to keep up.

dh says “he will be fine” and i should just give it time but its horrible seeing him so upset.

aibu to think they should let younger ones start later?

Not being quite ready for formal education is quite different than still in nappies and using a dummy.

god @dahliadream what a nasty post. how nice your child is bushy eyed and ready to learn - do you understand children aren't machines and all have different feelings and responses to the pressures of school? And that they don't all develop at the same point.

I have worked with lots of children and they develop at different points (as is clearly understood by anyone with understanding of child development) - in particular it's well known girls develop quicker. Our school system works well for some children, not so much for those who are even a very little bit 'behind' their peers.

teachers saying hes not joining in with carpet time and gets upset when hes told off.

who is telling reception age children off less than a week into them starting school?

To be brutally honest, I think this is pure laziness. All these posters talking about neurodivergent- this is why the country is in the mess it is in. I am an EYFS leader and I expect all children to be potty trained unless they have an EHCP. Why on earth should I be changing your child instead of teaching a class?

This is so true. At my DS’s fourth birthday some of the little girls could already write his name and their name in a birthday card in impossibility neat writing. Not to mention decorating the front of the card with a design that actually resembled something recognisable.

I do agree with you, but some of my friend’s children haven’t been given an EHCP until they’re 7. So were those parents the problem back before their kids had a formal diagnosis?

Of course they will be told off if they are misbehaving. Hopefully not too harshly of course.

It really doesn't sound as though the OP is equipped to home educate. The poor kid would just fall further behind.

School shouldn’t be geared towards teaching basic parenting skills that are clearly lacking…

How can you have had three older boys in school and still claim that a Feb born would be amongst the youngest.

My kid is one month younger and is significantly more independent. What's going on for you guys op?

I really don't think it's nasty. I am just saying that on the surface of things, given neurodivergence wasn't mentioned, 4 and a half is absolutely not young for starting reception and many children are ready younger. Of course there could be more going on but that wasn't the question asked.

I work in a reception class, at this point in the year we are very much aimed at play and throughout the year our focus is very much on targeting the continuous provision so children are learning without even knowing it.

So far we have done no formal teaching at all, carpet based sessions are singing nursery rhymes or at most dough disco. In the next few weeks we will introduce more with phonics and maths but on the whole it’s still play based.

Even our year 1 class is based around continuous provision and from what I can tell more and more schools are trying to do similar.

We still only have limited resources though and sadly our ability to be changing pull ups is limited (as a school we always do though and we expect lots of accidents especially in the first few weeks)

Oh op

You do need to focus on getting him ready now

In England. Other parts of the U.K. have different cut off dates.

Are you in Scotland, @BulletinGuru ? A February birth absolutely would be amongst the youngest if you are.

He isn't one of the youngest, he is in the older part of the year...my dd was end of July so only just turned 4 when she went to school in September...one of her school friends turned 4 end of August. However both were toilet trained. It's very unusual unless there are other needs for a 4 year to not be toilet trained During the day. You need to look at the Eric website and get him trained asap.

Same. I’m middle July so I was the 2nd youngest in the year. No aug birthdays for my class that year

I started jan. So my mum told me

makes sense e to miss 3/4mths rather then a year and all start around 4.5

I absolutely agree with every part of this. DS3 is February born so I was able to defer (Scotland) so he was 5.5 starting school. DS2 is November born so I had no choice but to send him at 4.5. He hated it for a whole year. The next year he was much happier as, amazingly, he was a little more mature. He's now almost 19 & starting uni, but I still think he's young emotionally & socially for his age.

I absolutely would have been happier had they both been 6 before starting fornal schooling.

DS1 was exactly 5 & flew through school, but it would have done him zero harm to have had another year playing & socialising.

All children should be at proper kindergarten then school at 6 or 7. We just need a government/ s to have the fore-sight to invest in proper early years.

It doesn't matter if the op mentioned sen or not, the way she is being targeted over and over again, she needed someone telling her that things do improve. Because they do. No need for posters to be continuously putting the boot in and not give her any constructive advice

My middle son was 4 years and 5 days when he started school I was worried to death about him because he was so young and very small for his age, he settled in really well, loved going as his big brother, who he idolised, was at the same school in year 2. He was a bit slower than the others with his writing but absolutely fine, my third son was also born in August but so independent and capable for his age that you would never have guessed he was the youngest in the class. All children are different but I am surprised that he doesn’t want to be doing all the things his big brothers are doing regarding potty training and going to school. I would definitely get him seen by the HV or GP as I think his age is irrelevant - he will be older than a considerable chunk of his peers.

I wasn't talking specifically about the op (although not sure the main reason he's struggling is the nappies or dummies) In general I don't think most 4 year olds benefit from starting school. And many are definitely not ready.

My 6 year old finds writing hard (though he's meeting the expectations for his age)- his teacher said it's probably because he's a boy and often their motor skills are not ready. Emotionally and socially at 4 he would never have coped with the demands of school. He was okish at 5 with a supportive teacher in a supportive school, but perhaps starting at 6 would have worked better for him? However academically no doubt he's clever and articulate and he was clever and articulate at 4.

Sounds like OP also needs to step up as a parent.

I actually think you could kill two birds with one stone here and start putting your 14mo on the potty at every nappy change. At 14 months they won’t argue as much, and you’ll be surprised at how easily they’ll get the hang of it at that age. As soon as the 4yo sees his baby brother using a potty he’s bound to be more motivated. My boys were completely out of nappies before they were 2, with no training pants or pull ups in sight… it’s totally doable, just requires a bit of consistency (and then a few days of them running around the house with no pants on while being watched like a hawk).

I think maybe you're focusing on the school instead of your son. He does sound a little behind and absolutely he might catch up or he might need a little help. It's unusual that he is not toilet trained yet , I'd definitely start focusing on that first.