People just turning up at house

[Canipetthatdawg78]

I feel like this may be a mixture of being on my period and having only managed to get to sleep at 4:30am last night but I digress...

my FIL and BIL just turned up completely out of the blue to our house. I was slobbing on the sofa in my pajamas with unwashed hair, the kids aren't dressed - generally our house is fairly tidy most of the time but I had a busy day out with the kids yesterday and
got back late so the kitchen is a mess and it's just not "guest" ready.

It was one of those really personal moments where I felt so comfortable just slobbing around with my own little family and we were all happy doing our own thing and now I have to suddenly be "on" as well as worrying about being judged for my hairy legs etc 🤣

Am I being unreasonable for feeling really irritated? I could very will be and will accept it if I am... it's not early in the morning, we're all pretty close and I get on with them very well I just could have done with a heads up y'know?

It's sad the days of just turning up because you're nearby, want to etc have gone.

However guess I do agree that a bit of warning helps but I'm still always delighted if someone pops round unexpectedly. These are of course dear ones who don't care what I look like and if I'm going to have a shower while there no problem.

Themselves! They just walked in!!!

OP seems to be the only person in the country with a front door which doesn't lock when you close it. She already explained up thread that apparently she goes in and out the front door all the time so doesn't lock it! 😕

I think it is the height of rudeness to turn up unannounced unless you know for certain that you have an open invitation to do so or it is an emergency.

Next time say "I'm feeling sick, don't want to pass it to you! I'll ring you when I'm feeling better and sort out you visiting"
Then when you next speak to them throw in something about checking if you're up for a visit and available in future.

We pretty much never lock our doors during the day either, it's nice to live somewhere nice where you don't have to, and tbh I don't want to start just because our neighbour lets herself in sometimes.

In Scotland it’s a cultural thing to just turn up. I grew up in England and it’s the one thing about Scotland that I really don’t like. My sisters in law are lovely lovely people but they turn up randomly all the time and I hate it! I like to be prepared for guests.

Keep the front door locked.
Don't answer if you don't want to.
If they call/text from outside - 'oh gosh, sorry, if you'd let us know you were planning a visit then I'd have let you know that this isn't a good time. Let's arrange something soon though.
MN will call me crazy, I call it protecting my space and well being.

No, it isn't.
Lots of Scottish folk value their space and privacy too.

No, it isn't an invitation. 🤣

Why? It is her own little family.

I have a friend who does this. The worst was Christmas Eve when I was knee deep in pastry and prep when she turns up, plonks herself down asks for an cuppa (made in a very specific way) and talks constantly (about herself and what she’s doing). It’s so off putting I have to stop baking which meant that I had to finish it after she had left. We had planned to curl up together and watch some TV together as a family. She lives on her own and doesn’t have children.

My home is my comfort place (as it should be) so I wouldn't be pleased with someone coming around unexpectedly. And I wouldn't show up to someone's house without notice either. Not only is it polite but it assumes that you're in and not busy.

I don't get this. No one I know would be bothered. My mum called in yesterday. I'm planning on dropping in on my BFF to give her eldest a off to uni present. MN is weird place.

I don't get people not realising that we're not all the same, but hey ho....

OP, where was your DH in all this? I would have been absolutely fuming had my FIL and BIL simply turned up unannounced - I would seriously have been hard-pressed even to be civil, especially if I was lounging about in a state of undress with the DC. You are more than justified in being irritated - in a world where absolutely everyone has a mobile phone, why on earth couldn’t they have at least texted, or better still telephoned just to check it was convenient to pop round? But I would have so left DH to deal with them, and retreated to the bedroom with the DC!

I'm sorry, but to me this is just unacceptable, I wouldn't have let them in- I would say I have flu- say it every time they try it, they will get the message.

Would you really lock the door and not respond to them knocking? I don't think I could do that.

Which is exactly what these CFs rely on. They don’t text or call because it’s easier to say no to those. They turn up knowing a lot of people would feel the same way you do.

Turning up unannounced is one thing. Turning up unannounced and then criticising the fact that the person you are visiting isn't 'visitor ready' is appalling and rude behaviour.

They let themselves in.

if you don’t like it you don’t like it! Nobody visits us and I miss what I used to have when I lived near home that people would call over. Now I live near his family and they’re fab but never just pop by

I expect a heads up before people call round. I think it is really rude for people to drop in unannounced.

Why on earth do they have a key?! Fix dis!

Well, this is all rather self-inflicted. Also, even if they knock, you don't have to answer!

Really? You think it’s okay just to walk in because the door is unlocked, as if that’s some universal signal to stroll on in?

Why were they even trying the door to see if it was unlocked? Why wouldn’t you just wait for the person who actually lives there to answer it?

this is literally one of my biggest hates. I’ve lived with family a lot of my life due to them needing help around the house. People just turn up, weekly, without notice or even without the courtesy to call.
I had my baby on a Friday, and on the Sunday, 48 hours later, one day after coming home from a c section, my grandmother accepted a guest in to the house. It’s utterly unacceptable in my opinion and the cause of much stress and unhappiness to me. I’d never dream of turning up to someone’s house unannounced or uninvited.