People just turning up at house

[Canipetthatdawg78]

I feel like this may be a mixture of being on my period and having only managed to get to sleep at 4:30am last night but I digress...

my FIL and BIL just turned up completely out of the blue to our house. I was slobbing on the sofa in my pajamas with unwashed hair, the kids aren't dressed - generally our house is fairly tidy most of the time but I had a busy day out with the kids yesterday and
got back late so the kitchen is a mess and it's just not "guest" ready.

It was one of those really personal moments where I felt so comfortable just slobbing around with my own little family and we were all happy doing our own thing and now I have to suddenly be "on" as well as worrying about being judged for my hairy legs etc 🤣

Am I being unreasonable for feeling really irritated? I could very will be and will accept it if I am... it's not early in the morning, we're all pretty close and I get on with them very well I just could have done with a heads up y'know?

I’d hate someone just dropping in, it takes no time to send a text message and be like is it okay to come over?
It’s the expectation that you’re going to drop whatever it is your doing, even just slobbing out to cater to them with no consideration of whether it was a good time for you

Nothing worse than feeling you have to be rooted to the sofa for a few hours, entertaining drop ins, is there? Especially when there are things to be done.

People do this because they don't want you to be able to say "No thanks" to a visit. There is no other reason.

Exactly. They play on the fact that most people will be too embarrassed to turn them away when they’re actually on the doorstep.

Yes. And at absolute minimum text them and ask if it's ok if you pop round.

The reason some people don't do that is they want to be able to override other people's needs and wishes to suit themselves and have no intention of taking no for an answer.

It sounds eminently sensible to me! 😁

and the ridiculous "just continue what you were doing, I am happy following you while you do"

I need privacy to wax my bikini line, thank you
I need privacy to make confidential calls for work, I could get sacked if I was sharing information, thank you
I want silence or to listen to my music, not having to discuss your random nonsense about your neighbours or whatever boring subject you come up with

I CANT do what I was planning on doing if you are in my way, simple. At worst, I can babysit your dog, he'll play with mine, but no human, there are enough in my house as soon as they finish school and work.

Absolutely. I never answer the door unless I want to.

I do think this is one of those love it or hate it.

It’s very much the norm among my family/friends to just pop in, always has been from us being kids, so it doesn’t bother me at all.

Mostly, hate it, judging by the voting.

Since you have already agreed to this sort of behaviour over a number of years your example is not relevant.

OP has not agreed to it and it is not the norm in her family, so it's simply rude.

Yep. With some people if you try to point out you’re too busy to host it’s all ‘Oh, I don’t mind, just carry on with what you’re doing, pretend I’m not here’ etc etc. Uh, so what’s the point of you being here, then?

I honestly think popper-inners often waste their own time by not simply checking if it’s convenient.

I’m pretty relaxed so I don’t feel intruded upon: if people choose to visit me unannounced they can’t expect me to be “guest ready”. What irritates me is the lack of respect for my time.

I work full time and have stuff going on at the weekends so someone “popping in” would very likely be a real inconvenience as it would delay whatever was happening. I think it’s pretty selfish to just assume everyone can spare the time in a busy life.

Thankfully no one I know does this.

Ah I must have missed the bit where you were the only person with anything relevant to say & that you had already decided the only appropriate answer- on an online discussion 😂

I think the popper-inners have too much time and are bored, they don't realise that everyone else is busy!

I get someone retired and lonely needs company, but invite people or ask when you can come and visit, (dont' drop in!), volunteer, join a group, an OAP club, do something.

or, instead of randomly insulting one poster, you could read the thread and see how many people actually agree with them?

Ah, I must have missed the bit where you decided you were the only person with anything relevant to say & that when someone rationally points out in an online discussion why you are incorrect you decide that - as you don't actually have any relevant response - only you are allowed to discuss anything in an online discussion 😂

A bit of guilt tripping there. Even lonely people would probably be a bit pissed off if someone just walked into their house without anyt warning before they were washed and dressed.

Loads of people hate unexpected visitors. Why not text and check that it is OK to come round? It's pretty rude to walk in uninvited.

I have a sternly worded notice on my front door to the effect that I do not entertain salespeople/chuggers/religious or political discussion and that callers are admitted by appointment only. If someone is rude or stupid enough to ignore my notice and knock anyway they are risking a very frosty response along the lines of "Do you have problems reading and understanding English?"

So by not acknowledging them or opening the door I am really doing them a favour and saving them from harsh words. This also includes neighbours who are simply randoms who happen to live next door.

Again, where on the post did it say “only reply if you agree”? Could you show me please, I must have missed that :)

Leave your DH to host them. They're his family.

I live on my own and get lonely at times, but there is no way I want people turning up on my doorstep at some random time. As far as I am concerned solitude is bliss.

Do you never have things to do that these visits would interrupt?

Instead of addressing the OPs question or considering any of the facts, she's simply stated her own preference based only on her own small bubble. I think we can safely assume she is not very adept at considering other people's comfort or feelings if they don't match her own, and is very likely one of those rude popper inners with a hide like a rhinocerous.

I’m in a relationship with someone from a “appointment to visit” family where you plan in advance, however I’m from a “I was going past/insert any other reason so thought I’d pop in” family. He finds it mental when my lot rock up unannounced but no one thinks bad of him if he disappears upstairs to chill out when they’re there, he doesn’t have to entertain anyone. I find it totally bananas that he needs to text his own mum in advance to see her, like that’s your home, just go there! I think if your in-laws are like my family then to them it’s the most reasonable thing just popping in, and to them it’s rude not to. I can see your point of view but to be honest, only because I’ve been with my partner for so long & adjusted a bit to his “normal” when he first was shocked at my dad arriving at our house for no particular reason on a Tuesday night I couldn’t understand the issue at all.

This isn't the 1950's when people would pop in with a "coee!" holding an empty sugar bowl (what happened to those btw 🤔)
They should absolutely be dropping you a text/Facebook message/WhatsApp beforehand!

My bil frequently visits and knocks the door and it drives me mad. If the doors unlocked, come in!!! Thats how my family is. My late mother would have been horrified at me chapping her door or booking a "slot" to visit her 😂