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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People just turning up at house

211 replies

Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:08

I feel like this may be a mixture of being on my period and having only managed to get to sleep at 4:30am last night but I digress...

my FIL and BIL just turned up completely out of the blue to our house. I was slobbing on the sofa in my pajamas with unwashed hair, the kids aren't dressed - generally our house is fairly tidy most of the time but I had a busy day out with the kids yesterday and
got back late so the kitchen is a mess and it's just not "guest" ready.

It was one of those really personal moments where I felt so comfortable just slobbing around with my own little family and we were all happy doing our own thing and now I have to suddenly be "on" as well as worrying about being judged for my hairy legs etc 🤣

Am I being unreasonable for feeling really irritated? I could very will be and will accept it if I am... it's not early in the morning, we're all pretty close and I get on with them very well I just could have done with a heads up y'know?

OP posts:
Fionasapples · 06/09/2025 13:43

YANBU, I don't like unexpected visitors. I don't mind if they are just calling for a reason and not expecting to come in, but my in laws used to turn up unexpectedly and expect to stay for hours. It really annoyed me.

RosesAndHellebores · 06/09/2025 13:44

I wouldn’t mind but I'm always up and dressed by 8am. But, a knock and walking in without waiting for the door to be opened and to be invited in crosses a massive boundary afaiac. They'd not do that at my house more than once. Insufferably rude

JDM625 · 06/09/2025 13:45

Why is your door unlocked???

OP- these threads always bring out the people saying 'well they are family, of course they can just pop in any time blah blah blah!'

I completely agree that its rude to not at least text to check its ok. We recently renovated and MIL would bring randoms to our house, then tell to show them around! WTF. By randoms, I mean her neighbour we'd never met and another time 3 people met that day at a plant fayre!

The next time we saw her drive up unannounced with randoms, DH stopped her at the gate and sent them packing. Yes, there is a great deal more to the family dynamics. She now at least texts beforehand and has never brought a random along since.

Nostylequeen · 06/09/2025 13:45

I hate this. Fortunately we live sooooo far away from family that they would have pre arrange to come by, and friends don’t do this as everyone understands and probably hates it too. So damn rude and I would have shown them how irritated I was

Cherrysoup · 06/09/2025 13:46

Change the lock for a Yale which locks when closed. People just walking in is extremely inconsiderate. Ask your Dh to speak to them about giving a heads up and actually-shock, horror-asking if it’s convenient.

Sunnyscribe · 06/09/2025 13:50

I wouldn't like this. I wouldn't like the lack of invitation or notice or that they let themselves in. I've had this issue in the past with my in laws, agonized over what to do, then just told them in polite words that I wasn't comfortable with it, it stopped, and I presume everyone is happy. I know I am at least.

I think people have different views on this issue. Lots of people are happy to have surprise visits and for others to let themselves in, lots of people aren't.

Katemax82 · 06/09/2025 13:51

My in laws used to do this shit to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME! had we have not locked our doors they would have just walked in. It's not happened since fil died funnily enough

NoThanksNeeded · 06/09/2025 13:51

On MN this is the height of rudeness. In RL it's what people do

And if you leave your door unlocked that's basically an invitation for people to just walk in...

CalzoneOnLegs · 06/09/2025 13:53

It’s totally rude and selfish, like their needs completely trump yours, no respect for your time or your privacy.

Moveoverdarlin · 06/09/2025 13:54

I just think in this day and age there’s no excuse for not sending a quick text / WhatsApp message.

‘Me and Dan are out and about this morning, so will pop in and say hello. Be with you in 30 mins.’

That is literally all it takes.

I hate people popping round unannounced. It’s so bloody rude.

Sidebeforeself · 06/09/2025 13:54

I can’t stand locking myself in during the day! But OP I would be hugely annoyed too and also embarrassed ( yes it’s your own home etc)

Original poster
Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:55

JDM625 · 06/09/2025 13:45

Why is your door unlocked???

OP- these threads always bring out the people saying 'well they are family, of course they can just pop in any time blah blah blah!'

I completely agree that its rude to not at least text to check its ok. We recently renovated and MIL would bring randoms to our house, then tell to show them around! WTF. By randoms, I mean her neighbour we'd never met and another time 3 people met that day at a plant fayre!

The next time we saw her drive up unannounced with randoms, DH stopped her at the gate and sent them packing. Yes, there is a great deal more to the family dynamics. She now at least texts beforehand and has never brought a random along since.

I did say in another post we had a delivery earlier and I just didn't think to lock it again - I was excited to open my package 😂

The house is kind of out of the wayish so if we're all in I don't always bother. Also I mill around a lot and go in and out for various reasons like getting stuff out of the car or whatever. But I 100% will make sure it's locked now!

OP posts:
MaidOfSteel · 06/09/2025 14:03

I think it’s actually quite rude to turn up at someone’s home without warning, or even asking, first. I hate it happening to me, usually because I’m in my PJs, scruffy clothes or my hair is a state, the house is messy etc, so I would never do the same to others.

Zanatdy · 06/09/2025 14:10

The bigger issue is knocking and walking in. Keep the door locked so they can’t do that (or anyone else).

AardvarkaKedavra · 06/09/2025 14:13

Even if I've been invited to visit someone or am expected, it is very rare that I would just try the door without knocking and waiting. The only time that happens is at big family gatherings where there are clearly already people visiting and making someone come to answer the door would be inconvenient (and rude in its own way).

I think just dropping by is much less common in my circle these days then it was when I was a child (and back then, I still don't think most people appreciated random callers without warning). Today it is so easy to quickly text someone beforehand that there's really no excuse not to. I wonder if people who don't are just lazy or if it's a selfish, calculated measure to avoid being told that it's a bad time.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/09/2025 14:14

Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 13:38

We had a delivery a little bit earlier and I just didn't think to lock it again. It wasn't a conscious decision 🤣

The house is kind of out of the way and if we're all in I don't worry too much about having the door unlocked really - definitely something I need to change!

Show quote history

Our door locks automatically so never need to worry about things like this!

I would absolutely hate for people to just be able to walk in, I'd never be able to relax.

Fremd · 06/09/2025 14:21

Can‘t stand this!

And they never show up when the house has just been cleaned and tidied, do they?!

PassingStranger · 06/09/2025 14:22

Think yourself lucky you have some guests. There's alot of lonely people out there. They would swap with you in an instant.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/09/2025 14:24

PassingStranger · 06/09/2025 14:22

Think yourself lucky you have some guests. There's alot of lonely people out there. They would swap with you in an instant.

What an odd thing to say.

bettyfloormop · 06/09/2025 14:27

YABVU for using the expression ‘my own little family’

Original poster
Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 14:31

PassingStranger · 06/09/2025 14:22

Think yourself lucky you have some guests. There's alot of lonely people out there. They would swap with you in an instant.

I totally get this point of view too - we are very lucky to have people in our lives who are close enough to us that they're happy to just walk in!

I just wish I'd known half an hour before so I could have at least got changed and chucked the dishes in the dishwasher 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Canipetthatdawg78 · 06/09/2025 14:31

bettyfloormop · 06/09/2025 14:27

YABVU for using the expression ‘my own little family’

Why's that?

OP posts:
Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 06/09/2025 14:32

I hope you didn't jump up and start catering to them, OP.
If people turn up uninvited to our house they've got to take us as they find us.

Sailawaygirl · 06/09/2025 14:36

I never lock my door either OP. We live rural with a few houses around. PIL used to have form for this when we lived in caravan type place temporarily. They did text us to say they were coming ( in 15mins) but there was no 'is it OK'. DP was at work and I tried to run out the other side of the caravan park cause I really wasn't feeling up for visitors. MiL didn't have the number if our caravan however she knocked on ppls doors and showed a picture of us until she got directed to right caravan and then loads of my neighbours and the site managment all called me to say there was someone looking for me!!! So i had to come back!! MIL was soo persistent!
at the same place FiL also turned up on the day we were ment to move out ( with no warning) wanting to take us out for a pub meal he had booked!! Dp went for the meal while I did all the moving ( had hired a van) it me 5 yrs to forgive him! I have no idea if he ever realised his faux par!!
Thank full they have both realised that they need to give us notice now

Luluissleeping · 06/09/2025 14:38

bettyfloormop · 06/09/2025 14:27

YABVU for using the expression ‘my own little family’

Strange person upthread.

OP, I don't like people unannounced except for brother and SIL. I keep my door locked unless gardening out front.