People just turning up at house

[Canipetthatdawg78]

I feel like this may be a mixture of being on my period and having only managed to get to sleep at 4:30am last night but I digress...

my FIL and BIL just turned up completely out of the blue to our house. I was slobbing on the sofa in my pajamas with unwashed hair, the kids aren't dressed - generally our house is fairly tidy most of the time but I had a busy day out with the kids yesterday and
got back late so the kitchen is a mess and it's just not "guest" ready.

It was one of those really personal moments where I felt so comfortable just slobbing around with my own little family and we were all happy doing our own thing and now I have to suddenly be "on" as well as worrying about being judged for my hairy legs etc 🤣

Am I being unreasonable for feeling really irritated? I could very will be and will accept it if I am... it's not early in the morning, we're all pretty close and I get on with them very well I just could have done with a heads up y'know?

You must be very welcoming in general, because no one I know would dare doing this even to their closest family.

It's beyond weird to just walk in someone's house.

They are rude and inconsiderate, and yes, at least lock the door. I can't stand people who just "pop in", they might have a boring life and nothing to do, but the rest of us are busy!

Let's not even go into the posters falling over themselves to explain that 5am is so LAAAAATE in the morning and they have been up for hours 😂(good for you Linda, I have a life, some of us go out and don't go to bed at 5pm every evening)

It's completely normal for people to turn up unannounced... What does it matter what state you or the house is in?

Only on here do people say you need to book an appointment to visit. People in the real world don't live like this...

Wish people would do this more really - so as it’s good intentions and just to be friendly

I think that is another issue - DH's side are all up and out type people... I'm a roll out of bed when I'm good and ready type 🤣

My grndmother divided the world into those whom she "knew socially" and others. Those whom she knew socially might be invited in but the "others" would never have got past her door unless it was to scrub the floor or fold the laundry. She also had an excellent way of getting rid of visitors who had (in her eyes) outstayed their welcome. She had a clock which loudly produced Westminster chimes on the hour and half hour. She would look up in fake surprise when it struck and exclaim "Godness, is tha the time? Well I must get on. Thank you for your visit. I will see you out/fetch your coat." No one ever argued with my grandmother. She was only 5 ft 4 ins but a very formidable lady.

Nowadays I use my cctv and ring doorbell to ensure that I only open to those I am expecting, unless they are holding a parcel to be delivered. If Im not expecting you and you are not a courier I usually dont acknowledge you.

@Canipetthatdawg78 "like a goblin" I LOVE that!

I don't know where you are, but it's not normal for any of the people I know, in any of their various countries they live in 😂

People in the real world don't live like this...
people in the real world have lives, and others are not that rude they assume everyone will drop everything to host randomly.

I can honestly say I have NEVER turned up at anyones house unannounced. Even in the days before mobile phones. Social arrangements were made in advance by phone or letter.

If someone calls without an arrangement they are saying that their time is more important than mine and it doesnt matter how inconvenient it is to me. They are, quite literally. stealing my time.

Yanbu. I'd be pissed off too.

Because it’s twee and annoying

I think the world is divided in to "poppers in" and people who wouldn't dream of popping in unless invited or they had called ahead to check it's convenient. I am firmly in the latter camp so I get you.

I remember this led to misunderstanding between PIL and ex-SIL. MIL had had a difficult relationship with her own, overbearing MIL, and recalled occasions when her MIL had unexpectedly popped in with all her friends when she was a new mother and found her with an untidy house and buckets of nappies soaking. Consequently she always vowed she would never be that sort of MIL herself and she and FIL always pre-arranged visits.

BIL and SIL lived about 2 miles away in the same town. SILs family all lived within a few streets of each other and were very much poppers in on a daily basis. Hence SIL thought PILs very standoffish for calling ahead, whereas they thought they were being considerate!

My brother and sister-in-law just turned up at our house without any warning. I was welcoming and hospitable but inside I was hacked off because I could have tidied up a bit if I'd known. I was dressed and able to receive visitors without dashing upstairs, but I just felt flustered and at a total disadvantage. They could have sent a WA to say "We're in your area, see you soon" at the very least...

They've never done it since, so possibly some of the hacked off feeling made it to the surface. Still on good terms though fortunately

Oh for goodness sake

YANBU!

My Stepmum (I absolutely adore her) turned up at my house when my DS was about two weeks old; we were resting in bed after a sleepless night and her sudden arrival set my dog off barking and woke DS up!

To her credit, she did feel terrible about it and hasn’t sprung a surprise visit on me since

It’s rude of them. You don’t just turn up unexpectedly at someone’s house, give a little knock and walk in. I’m astounded that anyone at all thinks this is okay. If I’m waxing my legs or clearing the loft or or I already have guests or I’m doing a bit of yoga, I don’t want someone just turning up! Tbh, I’d just say it’s not a good time and can they give me a heads up next time. I just wouldn’t let them think it was fine so that they’d expect to do it a second or third time.

Haha fair enough!

I can assure you I live in the real world and it very much isn't normal for anyone I know.

When I was a child this happened, but that was 1960s and 70s when hardly anyone we knew had telephones and my parents certainly didn't have one so pre- arrangement was difficult.

bloody hell, imagine if you can't even have sex with your own husband on the sofa because in-laws might decide, not only to pop in, but to walk in. Who does that.

That might be a way to put them off, but if they are that rude, probably not 😂

You need to have door that locks @Canipetthatdawg78

yes I know you didn’t lock it after a delivery (page hasn’t refreshed) but if you don’t want unwanted guests walking in ……

Well on the plus side, they’re obviously fairly laid back if you’re on MN rather than entertaining them OP.

I’d have not opened the door lol. Unless someone is dying and there’s no other way to reach me, do not come to my house unless prearranged. I don’t mine my nieces and nephews doing it because they’re kids and sometimes they need me, but if anyone else no.

I already mentioned my MIL bringing randoms to our home up thread. Another unannounced visit was when she brought along DH's step-father who we can't stand for many reasons.

I'd just put a colour in my hair and was tinting my eye brows. I had cling film around my head, just knickers and an old beach towel around me and looked like a demented clown. DH was mowing so couldn't hear them, but there was absolutely no way I was answering the door like that!

This is literally how my whole family and friendship group work! We drop by each others houses.
We don't expect to "be hosted" we sit and chat, occasionally a hot drink will be offered but that's not mandatory.

The whole booking an appointment to see family seems very weird to be

Could you just say, give us a heads up if you're thinking of calling in as we might not be in or busy with something. That would really annoy me.

It’s surely only good manners to at least phone first.

I would never mind very close family/sons in law calling without warning, but it’s never happened.