People just turning up at house

[Canipetthatdawg78]

I feel like this may be a mixture of being on my period and having only managed to get to sleep at 4:30am last night but I digress...

my FIL and BIL just turned up completely out of the blue to our house. I was slobbing on the sofa in my pajamas with unwashed hair, the kids aren't dressed - generally our house is fairly tidy most of the time but I had a busy day out with the kids yesterday and
got back late so the kitchen is a mess and it's just not "guest" ready.

It was one of those really personal moments where I felt so comfortable just slobbing around with my own little family and we were all happy doing our own thing and now I have to suddenly be "on" as well as worrying about being judged for my hairy legs etc 🤣

Am I being unreasonable for feeling really irritated? I could very will be and will accept it if I am... it's not early in the morning, we're all pretty close and I get on with them very well I just could have done with a heads up y'know?

no one is asking you to agree - but you are trying to shut up people who don't.

Do you feel a bit miffed to read that most people find unwanted visitors a nuisance?

Honestly, this never happened with anybody I knew, although it was the 70s and 80s not the 50s. Nobody ever turned up like that except on sitcoms, we always phoned everyone in advance. As a small child we would knock at our friend's door to see if they were coming out to play, but we didn't expect to be allowed in to play, it was out you go. I had one friend who didn't have a phone so sometimes I would turn up at her door, but apart from that I would just always phone them first. I just don't know anybody who does this and have never known anybody who did this - obviously they do exist though!

You’ll have to show me where I said anything like that? In fact I explicitly said I think it’s a love it or hate it thing.

I truly don’t care what anonymous strangers think as I’m not visiting them and they aren’t visiting me, hope that helps you x

My parents and brother live near each other and are in and out of each other's houses constantly. My cousins were the same.

I live further afield for they don't generally risk it with me, but it's always perfectly acceptable to say, "can't invite you in, we're in the middle of something" if it's a bad time.

I have neighbours who sometimes pop in, it's not something that bothers me. If it's not convenient I just say so. As do they.

Yep. My granny lived in a tiny little village where everyone knew each other but you didn't just pop by unannounced. She had friends who would come by at the same time every week, but that was their routine and she knew they were coming. People turning up unannounced when she was busy used to send her mad. We had one neighbour she used to dread coming around because she wouldn't take the hint and go if it wasn't convenient. Even having your coat on, ready to go out the door didn't put her off!

Right, mum's sister used to visit at the same time each week, my dad and brothers and I visited my gran at the same time every fortnight, and for anything more impromptu, we just phoned people.

pretend I’m not here’ etc etc.
OK then....
Them "pretend I am not here"
therefore
Me to DH "I bloody hope PINH doesn't turn up again today its such a pain in the arse"
and to gobsmacked PINH "oh gosh well you did say to pretend you weren't here..."

I find it bizarre that you describe it as an “appointment”. You make an appointment with your doctor or solicitor. Surely with family or friends it’s just making arrangements? A simple case of making sure you’re all free and it’s convenient?

I don’t understand how some people care so little about wasting their own time, even if they don’t care about impinging on someone else’s. It’s all very well boasting about how relaxed and “come one, come all” you are, but surely sometimes if you “just pop in”, the people you’re popping in on aren’t actually… well, in? It seems an awful waste of time to go over to someone’s house with no idea of whether they’ll even be in, never mind if they’ll be free, when you could just drop them a text saying “I’ll be over your way tomorrow morning if you fancy a coffee?”.

Happens to me all the time.

Only time it's been a bit embarrassing was when DS, DIL & children turned up on their way to somewhere else (we're 10 mins off Mway junction so easy to drop in) DH & me were having a 'lie down' We heard them calling 'Hello' emerged from bedroom in dressing gowns, was probably obvious that we weren't sleeping..... <wink>

Since then the message has gone out to call before popping in. We've also learned to lock the back door before we have a 'lie down' in the afternoon. LOL!

No one comes over unless it's been pre-planned. Letting themselves in to someone else's home, even if related, is 100% unacceptable. It doesn't matter what state you were in, they were not invited and they were intruding. Whatever they could have walked in, they were interrupting it. Not acceptable behavior and they should be told so.

No way. Feck off. Let me know beforehand so at least I can hide and not answer the door

Broadly speaking I agree, but ‘Cooee!’ always makes me think of my MIL who still says this. 😄 She’s also very critical about things like tidiness and doesn’t spare the little comments, and we’re not especially tidy people, so although I do like her in moderation , I’ve always thanked my stars she lives well out of popping-in range. It’d be ‘Cooee!’ out of the blue several times a week and I’d be forever scraping my blood pressure off the ceiling.

I don't worry about the state of my house as it's only relatives & close friends who are likely to call in at short notice - they know us & take us as they find us.

Having said that, I'm a rather tidy/clean person generally so all they will find is possibly cushions & throws not perfect, stuff on the coffee table, some things drying on an airer & maybe some washing up on the draining board. I keep the bathroom as if expecting guests as I'm fussy about it being clean & will clean the toilet & sink at least once a day, I also vacuum every day, & keep the kitchen floor & surfaces clear & clean.

I would have said great look after the kids whilst I have a lovely 2 hour bath

I'm used to the 'cooee' as lived close to my mother & MIL for many years. I like it. I have neighbours to 'cooee' it's nice that they feel that neighbours & family feel they can pop in ...as long as were not having afternoon sex. 😉See my previous post about that. We now keep the doors locked & fortunately the dog is old & deaf.

People in the real world don't live like this...

I know that Mumsnet often attracts quite like-minded people, but you are aware that everyone who posts on here, bots aside, does actually live in the real world too? So even if the person YOU know don’t live like this, many other people clearly do, or we wouldn’t be here to post about it.

😂😂😂I love that!

Gramps & nanny are having a bath together - come on kids, let's let them get on with it while we cook a meal. Don't worry about the funny noises, they love to play in the bath😂

In this day and age there is no excuse for not giving someone a heads up that’s you’re heading over. My mum does it a lot and it does drive me a bit bonkers, but it’s my mum so that’s ok. Anyone else would not be ok

My four dogs explode into barking when someone pulls up outside, so I get plenty of warning. I peek outside and if it's not my son or husband, I lock the door and go back to what I was doing. My house is big and I'm old and weak, so I need at least two days to get the house guest ready.
It takes at least an hour to get here from where anyone I know lives, and if they want to come here, without bothering to give me the heads up, I consider them rude, not me.

This would infuriate me too.
I would either

1. Not answer the door.

Or 2. Answer, but tell them "sorry, not a good time". No one would dare just walk into my house, ever. Door locked or not.

The last time I remember dropping in without a prior arrangement was in the period after university in the mid 1980s. I wasn't on the phone and nor were some of my friends, so we'd just call round on spec. If I wanted to talk to family elsewhere in the country, I'd find a phonebox.

It was the norm for many people then and continues to be so for a certain number of us, but for a very large number, it isn't. We find it egregiously rude and inconsiderate and at a time when most people have access to a phone of some sort, completely unnecessary.

It should go without saying that you don't need reasons like working from home, studying from home, illness, recovery from childbirth, breastfeeding, or a big house renovation to say no to uninvited visitors. However, anyone who forces their company on people in any of those situations has crossed a red line and deserves a major pushback. Anyone who behaves like that when the tool to avoiding it is in their hand or attached to a wall feet from them only have themselves to blame when they aren't welcomed with open arms - whatever the reason.

I would hate this!!! It's just not as acceptable anymore to just roll up unannounced. I'd never ever do that to someone, it's not fair, so inconsiderate.

Perfect 😄😄

No it's not 'normal' in the real world. I want to know that someone's in before I pop round, so I message first! That's 'normal', both to allow them to say 'not now, I'm dyeing my hair' etc or so as not to waste your own time.

Yes, where was your DH in all this, OP? He could have taken over - they're his side of the family.