To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

Yes its been OTT.

I think the problem is it has triggered people with SEN kids because it comes across as dismissive of those needs - but I wasn't sure OP actually even said he had any such diagnosis? I thought he just didn't like roasts. Doesn't mean she shouldn't cook him a pizza all the same, in the circumstances.

Just do the roast and the pizza and get over yer self!

'because nephew is autistic'

The OP states it in her first post.

OP has said that he's autistic, she just didn't realise that he wouldn't eat a roast or was so restricted with food because it sounds like it got worse when he moved to Australia.

OK, but hear me out a second.

If your sister is the kind of person who doesn't know that you don't open the oven whilst cooking Yorkshire puddings, I think you could probably cut a few corners without her even noticing.

She said he’s autistic.

Ah sorry, I obviously skimmed over that bit. there was too much exciting information about the roast!

people on AIBU really like to assign the role of victim to someone in the story and then they can all play rescuer and pat each other on the back for being the most helpful (if the OP gets to be victim) or the most bitchy and quick with the put down if someone else in the story gets the victim role. That is all that has happened. Even if you thought OP was not perfectly handling the autistic nephew and was guilty of wrongthink shaming, blaming, and excoriating her for the sin of having a cook’s pride in making a massive meal for 18 people all of whose dietary needs were graciously enquired of and catered for except the one whose mother didn’t bother to notify the host in advance is not an effective educational tool.

Luckily OP seems to have a pretty good sense of humor so I think it hasn’t affected her relationship with her sister or nephew. But it could have. People often react badly to being publicly shamed. So its a stupid approach for posters to take. Dare I use the most dreadful word in mumsnet? Its so …performative. So virtue signaling.

Give your children a special pizza at special meal at another time. Explaining that the nephew has autism a behavioural problem (illness) & gets very selective about what he eats. Perhaps ask them if they would get on if all they got fed was only the same pizza every meal.

These family get together must be ghastly for all concerned.

Makes me so grateful for my family where the food won’t involve the host getting up at 4am and starting threads on mumsnet about a sibling and their autistic child.

I imagine these family events are fraught with tension.

But hey… at least the food is tasty

All this kerfuffle makes me grateful that my GC now have relatively minor food preferences, e.g. raw carrots v. cooked and no crusts. They're adopted and when they first came to live with my DD the youngest only ate bought babyfood type foods (aged 2) and the oldest only ate anything crispy such as oven baked chicken and chips. I wonder how many children develop lifelong eating preferences based on what they were actually given to eat when they were small?

I’m sure some do.
My (autistic) DS ate brilliantly as a baby/toddler. As he got older, and as his additional needs became more apparent, he slowly eliminated things from his diet. Things he’d happily eaten before started to make him gag, and he wouldn’t touch them again. He would be in physical distress if he saw/smelled them. We never stopped feeding him the varied, healthy foods but what he’d actually eat became less and less.
He became quite underweight and then the priority was just feeding him what he would/could eat. We now pay for a private dietician to try and vary his diet and ensure he’s not becoming underweight again.
So yes, for some children I’m sure it’s a case of them just eating what they’re used to. For many ND children, it’s far more complex than that.

I was that kid who say there politely but feeling really hungry while people ate a meal I couldn't eat.

I would do what other people suggest. Pizza for kids first and roast for adults. I love a roast as you can live on leftovers for days.

If you didn't want to do it because you feel it's too much with everything else going on then say no, but there is a simple way to avoid pizza wars if its merely that.

I'm not a picky eater as an adult but really worked hard at it in my late teens/early 20s for the benefit of my health. Two of my own kids struggle with certain textures and one will eat literally anything.

And yes, it is a ‘kerfuffle’, and one I’d rather not deal with as a parent, but it’s the hand we were dealt. My two neurotypical children eat brilliantly, and I’d love to be able to feed them all the same meals.

Please, I'd love your 4am lamb recipe, but more importantly, your yorkshire pud recipe! I've not managed to not fuck it up

I have an AC recently diagnosed as autistic who has also eliminated things from his diet over the years. He eats very healthily, avoiding anything he sees as "unhealthy" but simply doesn't eat enough calories for the amount of exercise he takes (running, cycling, walking) so is painfully thin. It's hard to know how to help him - he doesn't live with us as he is in his 40's.

140g plain flour, 200ml milk, 4 eggs.
Whisk together and chill in the fridge for a couple of hours at least.
Pour oil into your Yorkshire pudding tin. Here's where I used to go wrong- if you're using a muffin tin, make sure its not a deep one, use a shallow one.
Put the pan with the oil into the oven to heat up the oil. Give it a good 15 minutes or so to get really hot.
Do this next bit with ninja speed - pour your cold batter straight into your hot oil and then get it straight into the hot oven asap.
Absolutely do not, under any circumstances, open the oven door.
20 minutes later - they're done. I promise they'll be perfect :)

I'll PM you the lamb recipe. It doesnt have to be 4am 😂 xx

Thank you op!! I am inspired to have another try after years of soggy bottoms and disappointment

omg Thank you thank you @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar !! I cannot wait to try this. I can see how I went so wrong before, I made so many mistakes. My family are going to think I'm amazing heh

Lol aw - I hope it helps xx let me know how it goes!

I use the same Yorkshire recipe, and you really don’t need to chill it. Works just as well straight away!

Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar ; I do this seven hour lamb recipe. Is it similar to yours? https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/slow-cooked-leg-lamb

Could someone kindly tell me what temperature the oven should be when you put the Yorkshire puds in it?
ETA: Also, which is better for Yorkshire puds to rise, conventional electric or fan/convection oven?

210 degrees C
Fan.

Also, unlike OP, I use the deep muffin tray, but only fill each hole to about 2/3 full of batter (whisked till it’s lump-free and frothy), and cook for about 23 minutes.

They need it very hot - at least 200 fan to about 210.

I'm surprised the pizza didn't get nuked actually ...