To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

I am nice to my nephew.

Do you have autistic children OP? Maybe try to be a little supportive and just give the lad his pizza? Your kids can manage for one meal or let all the kids have pizza while the adults have the roast. You sound quite mean.

Wow. Your post is horrible op.

He is autistic, not just fussy. Why not just give all the DC pizza this one time. My kids would have chosen roast over pizza any day. Or just say sorry you are not doing a roast. Not as if your sister can’t cook a roast in Australia.

Fine. Be accommodating and generous spirited.

It doesn’t sound like the op herself understands additional needs and autism.

I actually opened up my expensive gin and took a big swig from the bottle after she did that 😅

your thought process shows how unsupportive you are of your nephew, so perhaps your sister didn’t dare mention the pizza beforehand because she knew you would react like this?

Sorry OP, this is a you problem.

autistic kids are notorious for having restricted eating. Do a packet pizza for the kids, slice each for your lot and the rest for him.

proper hosting involves meeting the dietary requirements of your guests.

I'd do this.

So now the op is making out she actually she’s super chilled about it and it was all a bit of giggle

Dominoes for the kids, served 45 mins or so before roast is due. No impacting the kitchen at all.

Then roast for adults.

I'm sure you are, but despite all your claims of loving cooking and being kind, you're coming across as resentful and inflexible. Your nephew is autistic and probably can't eat a roast. Wouldn't it be worse to see him distressed or gagging than giving him a pizza? And if that causes an upset tell your kids off or give them pizza too. It should be a nice meal for everyone. Otherwise all the effort goes to waste.

Discuss this with her not with us??

You sound a bit uptight and begrudging of an autistic nephew you have to accommodate at most once a year. It sounds like your cooking is served up with bitterness & resentment, not love.

I can't get past this. Maybe reduce from capital offence to transportation to Australia though.

😉

YABU. Your jokey posts are jarring when your sentiments towards your nephew (and sibling) seem mean spirited.

Decide what the other DC will eat and when/where to cook pizza(s) so that it doesn’t mess with your roast/Yorkies.

Why were you having Yorkshires with lamb anyway?

Just do a roast that doesn’t need Yorkshires then it doesn’t matter if the oven gets opened.

How old are your children? With autistic children, it is not just a case of encouraging them to eat their vegetables. They often struggle with meals, especially meals like a roast as there is so much variation in how it can taste, feel and look. Often safe foods are “junk foods” as they taste as expected every time. I think you can explain to your children that their cousin has some different requirements to them and so will be eating a different meal. You can also explain to your sister a good time to put the pizza in the oven (not at Yorkshire time!). For the sake of one meal it’s not worth the brain space.

My son is autistic and eats about 5 foods. Not a choice, not being “picky”: it is part of his disability and incredibly difficult to manage. I would hope my own family would be understanding and accommodating. Your tone here is a bit dismissive of his special needs and, considering you don’t see them often, seems a little unkind as well. If this is the hill you want to die on, fine, but if I read this post about my son written by a close family member, I’d be quite hurt.

Why haven't you responded to the many messages with practical suggestion of all kids having.pizza? I think it might be nice for your nephew too, not to feel excluded. And if you ate all together, the kids could have a bit of roast too if they like.

For our tricky eaters we often have a big plate of.chips on the table and its not just them who dip in....

Honestly this is a non-issue. You ask you Sis if nephew would prefer pizza, if she says yes, you buy one and cook it, having explained to your kids that nephew is autistic and has a restricted diet.
She’s coming from Australia and you say you actually want to spend time with her, you can be a little bit flexible.

This is just coming across as trolling or rage baiting now. One meal (with an easy fix of pizza for kids) with family who live the other side of the world is such a none issue

I couldn't imagine that this is what's on my mind when my sister and nephew are travelling so far to see us.

She was very rude not to forewarn you that she would be bringing pizza for her child, and even ruder to just open the oven and stick it in there without checking that it was ok.

YANBU, OP, and woe betide anyone who comes along and interferes when I'm cooking. The person who decided my roast potatoes were in danger of burning when they were crisping up beautifully and chucked a load of cold oil on them never, ever got invited back for a meal.

Stop being a fecking numpty OP. Roasts do not need hours of work. Don't do slow cooked anything if you don't want to get up early. Pre-make your Yorkshire puddings and freeze them. All you have to do is warm them through on the day. You could even cook the meat the day before if it's not something like a rib of beef to be served medium rare.

Show some compassion for your nephew and ask your sister does he need to be given something different from everyone else and what can you provide? Let your kids have the same if it stops arguments at the table.

This is obviously more to do with your relationship with your sister, possibly some childhood resentment you need to get over.