To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

From OP's comments, it sounds as though last year she expected nephew to eat the roast because her sister accepted the invitation without saying that nephew would be eating something different.

I assumed that OP just didn't know much about autism at first and just assumed her sister wasn't been strict enough or something but now I'm wondering if OP was even aware nephew was autistic before last year when OP's sister cooked the pizza and said that he's autistic.

Neither. I thought he would join in with the family meal and eat the family meal.

I invited them both to a roast, they said yes, sister asked what meat I was cooking. I said I was going go slow roast a leg of lamb, she was very excited and said she was looking forward to it. She didn't indicate nephew had any dietary requirements at all, just that they were both looking forward to it.

Then a random pizza appears in my oven 😆

And now I know, I'm thinking of ways to accomodate for next time or whether to do it at all.

Thanks to lots of people on this thread who were kind and helpful, I have a new plan.

Edit: I've just realised you thought I suggested he eat alone before the first roast. This is not the case if you read my PPs.

Sounds tiring af I’d say no to cooking for everyone
suggest you all go out to eat
or just do pizza for everyone inc adults . Pizzas can be very good these days

So why did she suggest he eat alone earlier?

Ah I see. My mistake. I apologise.

Did you know nephew is autistic before your sister said something when she put the pizza in the oven?

It's not OK to take up a shelf in someone else's oven while they are cooking a roast dinner, without asking ( and they'd be told no in my house). It's hard enough trying to get everything ready at the same time. It's especially wrong to open the doo of oven where yorkies are being cooked.
But it's understandable that an autistic child in an unfamiliar environment might need special arrangements for food.
OP, you're going to have to spell it out to DSis, that of course you understand that nephew is going to have to be separately catered for, but she'll have to come up with something that is not going to interfere with the cooking of dinner and that won't cause problems with the host's DC. And it will need to be run past you in advance if it requires anything doing to it other than taking out of a tupperware box and put on a plate. Hopefully he likes sandwiches or cold pasta.

More fool you. Who gets up at 4am to put anything in an oven?

They didn’t take up a shelf….

They put the cheese and tomato pizza on top of the honey roasted parsnips!!!

It’s all there in one of the OPs 64 posts!

Yes, I definitely knew he is autistic. I supported her through getting the diagnosis. But then she left for Australia. When he was living here and younger, he didn't have all these food aversions he has now, he had some but nothing like now. I didn't know the roast would be an issue as she simply said she they were looking forward to it. He ate meat when he was here, and potatoes, never good on veg but many children aren't.
We've talked about his autism of course, but she hadn't mentioned how strict his aversions are so I simply didn't know. Now I do. Although they my have changed in the last 18 months.
This time I will make sure I have a chat with her.

It's okay to solicit opinions and then disregard them. It's called free will. I repeat, MN is not the law.

It really is bizarre how posters get SO riled if an OP deigns to ignore their point of view pointless ranting.

Read her comments again. She suggested that THIS time round.

Me, if it's something I want to do because I enjoy cooking?
I don't get why people are so bothered by this??
What if a photographer gets up to photograph the sunrise us he a fool? Do people who take early morning dog walks also get judged?
What is people's problem with the 4am thing???

At Christmas, I put meat in at 1am before I go to bed 😂

It’s almost like OP is being relentless with her all day posting and ignoring others opinions? 64 posts, lots of suggestions, lots of PA “thank you” from OP?

Just the title, AIBU not to cook for them? Then “but I like too”, “I got up at 4am to do it, but it’s not an issue, I wanted too. Well then stop moaning about it!

Why do you think OP asked people to vote on a poll? Just to ignore it? Do you have an opinion on that?

I'm not whinging!! I mentioned it ONCE! and people have brought it up a million times!!

How do you keep it moist and hot for lunch time??
Having said that we’ve never had turkey for Christmas dinner so no real idea of logistics. We had venison last year.

Because she was interested in what people had to say – doesn't mean she has to agree with the vote. If it's winding you up that much, step away from the thread. You're not going to get the "gotcha!" moment from OP you so clearly want.

Christ almighty, you really do need to stop frothing. She never whinged about getting up at 4am – she was happy to.

Not winding me up….. but the 60 odd responses by OP wouldn’t indicate the same? OP has been posting all day, relentlessly.

Im not worried about a autistic DN chowing down on a cheese and tomato pizza, nor that my DS hadn’t chosen a family meal to “get him to try and eat a roast”, nor that my DS had chosen to “snuck” in and put a pizza in the oven.

If I’m winding you up, please feel free to not engage wit me. It’s not law to agree with me or engage.

But everyone needs to be oh so thankful 🤣

Why mention it, for a medal 🏅 award?

Christ almighty, please stop
getting so wound up!!

I roast it very slowly, for 10 hours. Put it in very low, about 80°c. It goes in about 1-1:30am, after I get back from midnight mass.

So I'm not getting it out of the oven until 11-11am, let it rest for an hour while everything else is cooked, and it's ready for lunch!

I love that the whole house smells of it when we wake up on Christmas morning :)

I agree with this !