To not want to cook for my sister and nephew when she comes over?

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

My sister lives in Australia with my nephew, soon to be 12.
She's coming over for a visit next month and obviously we spend as much time as possible with her while she's here.
Last time she came was Easter last year and I had everyone round my house for an Easter roast.
My mum is asking me to get everyone at mine together again for a roast as I have the biggest house and my roasts are "amazing" (they are, even if I do say so myself 😜) and she's told my sister that she's sure I will do this and sister is now looking forward to a "proper British roast". Great.

Last time she was here, she came into my kitchen while I was cooking, opened the oven while my YORKSHIRES were in there (!!!!) and put in a cheese and tomato pizza. She then gave this to her son because "he won't eat roasts".
This pizza was not discussed with me, she didn't ask if she could shove it in my oven and made no attempt to get nephew to join in and eat what the rest of us were eating. I then had to try and get my kids to eat their vegetables while their cousin is sat two feet away, chowing down on pizza.

I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

I have suggested that he eat before he comes but sister says she doesn't want him excluded (neither do I)

I've suggested we all just have pizza but sister wants her "proper British roast" and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

What to do?

cook an easier roast - I did beef last week, cook time (enough to feed 10 people with leftovers) was 2 hours so with a little prep done whilst the oven heated it was 2.5 hours but one hour of that I was chatting in the living room. Find out what else your nephew eats, eg will he eat chicken nuggets and roast potatoes?

Yabu

She didn’t want to put the op to trouble

the op gets up at 4am to start work (and will make damn sure all guests are aware of this)

This is what i would do
’cant wait to see you Shirley, no problem to do a roast. Can you let me know what Jacks current food requirements are so that I can include him?’

I bet your roasts are amazing, you obviously take pride in cooking well and felt put out by what you perceived to be your sister's lack of consideration and respect for the trouble you went to.

But I do think you need to take on board what people are saying here.

It is only one (delicious, time-consuming to prepare) meal. The most important thing is being together.

The pizza for all the kids (who want it) idea is fantastic! You could make it a tradition that I'm sure the cousins will remember fondly.

In the kindest way, genuinely, I think you.need to lighten up.

Of course proper hosting includes dietry requirements. BIL is vegetarian. Other sister is flexatarian which means I have to ring her before she comes and ask if she's vegan, veggie, or eating meat this week, niece is vegan, etc etc. I am delighted to accommodate them, I love hosting and cooking for everyone.

But this isn't about asking me to accommodate a diretry requirement, this is about sister coming into my kitchen while I'm cooking, opening my oven without asking, and shoving a pizza in there with no prior discussion whatsoever.

It doesn’t sound like you like hosting. Why can’t your children have pizza as a one off for a treat? Surely you can be understanding of your nephew for one meal? Most people who like hosting bend over backwards to accommodate people’s preferences. In my family we have vegans, celiacs, spice-haters, etc. I love catering for them, you can always find something to make. It’s about family time surely, the food (although delicious) is slightly irrelevant.

Mum of autistic child deals with it, gives him what he will eat, avoids a melt down. Kudos to your sister. Although, I do agree, a spoiled Yorkshire pudding is a sad thing.

Don't be this person OP, it's your family. You've been seething about this since Easter??

My family live very far away too, my niece has autism too. When they visit my main concern is having a nice time together and trying to make people feel welcome and comfortable.

Move on from this now, you're being ridiculous

So many people missing the point of the thread….

It’s not the roast, the pizza, the sister, the op or the autism. Homemade Yorkshire puddings are temperamental. Opening and closing the oven door and adding stuff to the oven will all affect the heat and whether or not the Yorkshires rise or end up like pancakes.

A discussion about this beforehand would have been polite. OP could’ve timed the cooking of the Yorkshires and had them finished before the pizza went in/all put in together.

When you’re a decent cook, catering for a crowd and want to get things as perfect as possible - which can all be quite stressful - things like this are really, really annoying.

Once

ONCE!

Your nephew has a disability and needs accommodations, in this case he needs to eat his safe foods. It would be awful to exclude him from the meal because of his disability. Either explain to your children that nephew has autism which effects his sensory processing and that he can only cope with certain tastes and textures or just do pizza for all the kids and make a smaller roast for the adults. It’s one meal, it really doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Isn't it time to let go of pizza gate and plan how to have a nice meal next time?

Pizza won't be his only safe food. I would discuss other options with her to try to find one that won't be so appealing to your DC. She probably chose pizza because it's easy to cook, theoretically without adding to your workload.

Obviously the disturbing of the Yorkshires is deeply wrong! And they go with any roast because they're the best!

Nah I’d hate this too. Not sure how to deal with it though so no advice. Picky eating drives me nuts.

THANK YOU ❤️❤️❤️

Where did it say he was autistic?

If he isn't and has no special needs he should eat what everyone else does when he's in someone else's home.

That said, I'd go for the line of least resistance and either deal with the pizza, on the understanding that your sister stays out of the kitchen or eat out.

Is your sister a cook?

It's a fecking Yorkshire pudding. Yes it's a pain, but seriously not worth all this emotional nonsense, especially so long after the actual event.

Yes, it’s a bit annoying, but surely just talk to your sister and say, I will be doing pizzas for the children let me know the ones he likes. You don’t need to throw a strop and not cook at all (especially as the OP says it’s some she likes doing). Her sister lives in Australia for goodness sake, caring for an autistic child. They barely get to see each other, is it really worth all this drama?

It's literally in the OP he's autistic.

It said he’s autistic in the OP: I don't want pizzagate happening again, and I don't want nephew eating something my kids would rather be eating right in front if them (they like roasts, but it's PIZZA) but sister will insist its necessary because nephew is autistic.

Fucking hell he is 12. In our family you don't get away with this sort of pickiness over the age of about 6.

Say before hand, no pizza. Will he maybe eat sausages with the veg as a more suitable alternative? A bit like on Christmas day where there are sausages with the roast.

Homemade Yorkshire puddings are temperamental. Opening and closing the oven door and adding stuff to the oven will all affect the heat and whether or not the Yorkshires rise or end up like pancakes.

But surely you ask your sister not to open the door this time & just cook pizza for her son first because and I love cooking for everyone and giving my family food cooked with love.

Yes, tell her unacceptable, hopefully she won't waste her time visiting you.
My DS has two potatoe waffles, cauliflower mashed, chicken breast mashed, baked in muffin tray, have to be the same size, shaped.
Same meal twice a day.