DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

[NestEmptying]

AIBU here. Should I have called?
I drove my parents to a family funeral yesterday in Wales, DH didn't know the relative so didn't come - that was fine I didn't expect him to. The journey was about 5 hrs and we went straight into the service when we arrived, then the wake. Then there was a family dinner in the evening and we stayed over.
I posted a pic of the hotel room about 8pm on the immediate family WhatsApp. DS and DD (who are adults) answered. DH didn't answer but I assumed he had seen or the kids would have told him.
He hadn't seen. I got home just now and he said he didn't know if I was dead or not and that it's not normal not to ring your spouse if you're away.
He's really cross but I don't think I did anything wrong. I sent a message. He was at work today with no phone so I couldn't ring him this morning and then I was driving back.

I had quite an emotional couple of days, seeing family members and talking about the relative. It was full of love and humour and Welshness. Now I have come back to an atmosphere. I don't think I am wrong but should I apologise?

Depends on what is the norm for you I guess? DH and I would ring or message in that situation so for me not to would be a bit unusual. DH would then just text me though, checking all was well and to ask how the funeral went and I’d probably call him on the drive home. But if that level of contact isn’t the norm for you, then he’s being a bit odd. Plus, like pps said, he could have called you himself?

She was running late for a funeral after a long drive and sent a picture to get them know she had arrived safely. Why would she need to call as well and be running even later.
If my DH was away for a funeral I'd be the one sending him a message telling him I was thinking of him and hoping he was doing OK- not getting in a snitch because he hadn't called me. But I'm not a whiny man baby.

It's very telling that despite apparently being convinced that the OP was dead 🙄her husband couldn't even be bothered to try and contact her or any of the family members she was with, some of whom he would likely have contact details for.

It also puzzles me that people think that just because their routine is to message after a long drive or that they would like to speak to their husband before bed that it automatically means everyone else should. Even if the OP and her husband usually did message each other (which doesn't appear to be the case), the OP was owed all the consideration and slack as she was attending a family funeral and the onus was on him to contact her if he was worried. It's also likely that the OP wasn't rushing to phone him after a long and stressful day, as he doesn't seem to be the sort of partner that would offer her much support.

Not your fault he didn't look at WhatsApp.

For lots of reasons I don't think you were unreasonable. When I was married a family funeral took place miles away and during a train strike and as a non-driver had to take a very long coach ride across the country. My then husband didn't bother me once which I thought was very normal. I can't be doing with neediness. It's not attractive.

Completely agree. “I was worried sick that you might have died!!!”

uh-huh? Is that right? 🙄

I don’t buy this for a second and it’s exactly the kind of crap that was said to me in an abusive relationship. Normal people don’t react this way, especially when they are well aware their partner was on a tight schedule for a funeral of all bloody things.

I feel sorry for anyone defending this behaviour. I remember this shit from my previous relationship and how I would end up convinced I was the one in the wrong. I wonder what other crappy behaviour these posters think is normal.

ridiculous if he wanted to talk or check you were ok he could have rang you. He’s complaining for the sake of it.

I cannot imagine a world where I would do a 5hr drive and NOT send my husband a text to say “arrived safely x” 🥴

Whilst I imagine he is being a typical sulking bloke about it. I have to say if my husband drove 5 hours and then didn’t give me a quick call to say drive was fine see you tomorrow I would be hurt too. To me that conversation shows that he cares for me. Maybe that’s how your husband feels too? There is nothing wrong with feeling that way. Honestly I would sit him down and say sorry I didn’t call I will be more mindful next time and move on with your lives. I wouldn’t make a bigger deal out it because really it isn’t a big deal, he has told you the expectation next time call that’s it.

Maybe one where you park go and go straight into a funeral service.

Absolutely agree. I never get the ‘well that’s what we do so it’s normal and everyone else should be fling exactly the same’

The OP was at a funeral not a jolly up and even if she was, there’s no obligation to check in just to stop her DH being a whiney sulker.

His pathetic reaction afterwards shows he’s a selfish prick who thinks the world revolves around him.

The fact some PP think she owes him an apology is breathtaking

It’s takes 30 seconds max……. I could send that text while stepping out of the car and locking it.

Stuff him. Let him be annoyed. You can tell if someone has seen a WhatsApp post. I’d check if he did actually see it and is pretending he didn’t.

Too much drama! If he wanted to know how you were, he should have messaged you. It’s unfair ( and a bit immature) of him to be annoyed because you are not psychic and didn’t know he wanted to know how you were!
If my husband or I are away separately, we might call and we might not - but we both accept that whoever wants to speak to the other makes the call. It’s much easier with texts and WhatsApp as extra options.
I don’t think OP has anything to apologise for.

If he hadn’t seen the wats app pic and 2 replies of your kids - who is to say he would have seen a text sent to him if you had sent one

he’s being a prat

you made contact with your family including him on the wats app group

Knob. You needed support and not him. As many people have said he sounds like a massive baby.

I would suggest to all the posters living in constant fear that someone out driving must be dead if they’re not constantly updating them on their whereabouts, that you need to sort out your own anxieties instead of expecting others to pander to them.

He’s just being a prick either way. Either he wasn’t really worried and was just saying that to make you feel bad and be controlling, or, he really did think you could be dead and did absolutely nothing about it. Both equal prick

@NestEmptying- everyone saying he was worried, him saying he didn’t know if you were dead. Hmmmmm - just how many times during this did HE try to RING YOU?!?

IMO he’s being an arsehole, particularly given that you not only made contact (WhatsApp pic) and were away for a funeral.

We have young kids and they wanted to talk to their dad, was also the first time he had been away for a few days. I knew when the funeral was so knew when not to call or expect a call.

I go away on girls holidays for 3 or 4 days and don't necessarily contact my OH. He wouldn't necessarily contact me either unless there was a particular reason for it

Im guessing these are the people who are also in these controlling/suffocating/cant cope without a partner permanently by my side kinda situs.

Neediness?

Our family always let each other know that we’ve arrived safely after a long drive, especially in circumstances where we are likely to be distracted. That’s normal, not needy, surely?

You should have messaged him at least to say you arrived safely

If he was really worried about you he would have called you. Phones work both ways! There's no way he didn't see your WhatsApp message or your DC responses. He wasn't worried, he's a dick who doesnt want you having a life away from him and now hes punishing you. How dare he do this the day after you've buried a relative. This is not a healthy relationship.

Huge assumptions there. You know nothing about their relationship.

I wouldn’t call someone who was attending a funeral or who I knew was driving