DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

[NestEmptying]

AIBU here. Should I have called?
I drove my parents to a family funeral yesterday in Wales, DH didn't know the relative so didn't come - that was fine I didn't expect him to. The journey was about 5 hrs and we went straight into the service when we arrived, then the wake. Then there was a family dinner in the evening and we stayed over.
I posted a pic of the hotel room about 8pm on the immediate family WhatsApp. DS and DD (who are adults) answered. DH didn't answer but I assumed he had seen or the kids would have told him.
He hadn't seen. I got home just now and he said he didn't know if I was dead or not and that it's not normal not to ring your spouse if you're away.
He's really cross but I don't think I did anything wrong. I sent a message. He was at work today with no phone so I couldn't ring him this morning and then I was driving back.

I had quite an emotional couple of days, seeing family members and talking about the relative. It was full of love and humour and Welshness. Now I have come back to an atmosphere. I don't think I am wrong but should I apologise?

Has he form for this? It sounds like he resents you spending time with your family.

So he wanted you to ring him but he was at work with no phone?! Where’s the sense in that?

Does he always make things all about himself?

What a dick he is. Tell him to grow up and stop being so selfish. I’d be furious .

He has issues.

One night? I think that’s ridiculous, she was busy with family. He’s an adult, can he really not cope with one night without contact?

I probably should have called but didn't. I will apologize for worrying him.
Yes to the singing! My relative had been in a choir and they all came along and performed several songs and hymns.

A lot of men need that personal check in from their women on a regular basis - because they are needy AF

Why didn’t he just text? Sounds a bit needy to me op.

This

Why couldn’t he call you?

I agree with this. If he was so “worried” why didn’t he phone or text you?

Sounds like an insufferable need to be noticed at all times.

My husband travels a lot with dd as she competes at high level for sport. Often things happen which means they can’t contact me. If I was genuinely worried that something had happened then I would (and have) do the following (in order):-

1. Check if I had a message from him
2. Check where he is on “Find my friends” (if he is in a room at the Premier Inn then it is unlikely he has had a road crash!)
3. Message him
4. Call him
5. Message dd (who he is with)
6. Call dd

To me he seems remarkably passive for someone who was so terribly worried.

No of course not.

As OP didn't send a message it would have been normal, if he was worried, to message her.

I know OP says she was late for the funeral but it takes seconds to message " arrived Ok" which he would have seen at some point.
So I don't think either OP or her H behaved in a way " normal" to me because neither of them messaged each other.
I must say OP not apologising and him being huffy about things seems extremely silly when the transitoriness of life must be in their consciousness atm.

Honestly, I think it depends on the couple/the relationship you have. My DH and I would give each other a quick buzz or a good night txt if we're away but we also txt during the day in general , usually random things/memes. Im sure some people would find that suffocating

I don’t see ANY need to apologise! He’s a grown man with working fingers - he could have rung you. Knowing you had a full on day with family. Sounds like a spoiled brat tbh.

Personally I’m not keen on this level of neediness and I think he’s being ridiculous. If he was genuinely worried he could have texted.

He's in the wrong.

Even if it's 'nice' to stay in touch, given it was one night, you were going straight to a funeral, and you posted in the family group, he could give you leeway and notice you were alive, or get in touch if he was worried.

This is control.

So he couldn’t stand the fact he had a day not being centre of attention?

He’s being absolutely ridiculous - I can’t bored posts saying you should apologise. You’ve done nothing wrong. He’s being a needy drama llama

Some of the responses on here seem to be ignoring the fact that the OP was at a fucking funeral.

OP your husband is a needy child. I cannot bear men like this and would hit the roof. Disgusting of him to make a thing of this when a) he knew you were fine and b) he knew you were pre occupied and a funeral for fuck sake.

Ugh. Men like him make me shudder.

Ah, so he wasn't worried after all because he'd seen a Facebook post with you in.

So he's just miffed that you didn't give him enough attention and trying to act like he was concerned. Is this kind of game-playing common in your relationship?

Standard rules apply. You’ve made a long car journey you text to say you’ve arrived.

All these “he could have called if he was worried” posts would be singing a different tune if he had called and that had pissed the OP off. “Can’t he leave you alone for 5 minutes”

Sounds to me like after a while we will start hearing stories about how DH spoiled a birthday with a tantrum, was late to a wedding anniversary dinner etc etc. hope I am wrong.

It wouldn't occur to me to assume that something awful had happened to my DH just because didn't let me know he'd arrived safely at his destination.

I'm the same about not needing to know when my family members' flights land. Presumably I'd hear about it if they were in a crash, and my worrying is hardly going to protect anyone from misfortunes beyond my control.

Plus I've got enough going on that I can't keep everyone's comings and goings and estimated arrival times in my head all the time.

Sounds like he's being a twat, particularly if he hasn't even asked you about how the funeral was for you. I'm sorry for your loss.

Especially for one night!

I must say OP not apologising and him being huffy about things seems extremely silly when the transitoriness of life must be in their consciousness atm.

That's a nasty thing to say. Especially given it's OP only that's grieving given that her husband didn't attend the funeral with her.

Her husband is making her grief about his feelings and his needs, when he really should be focused on supporting his wife through dealing with a death in her family.