DH is annoyed because I didn't call him while I was away overnight for family funeral.

[NestEmptying]

AIBU here. Should I have called?
I drove my parents to a family funeral yesterday in Wales, DH didn't know the relative so didn't come - that was fine I didn't expect him to. The journey was about 5 hrs and we went straight into the service when we arrived, then the wake. Then there was a family dinner in the evening and we stayed over.
I posted a pic of the hotel room about 8pm on the immediate family WhatsApp. DS and DD (who are adults) answered. DH didn't answer but I assumed he had seen or the kids would have told him.
He hadn't seen. I got home just now and he said he didn't know if I was dead or not and that it's not normal not to ring your spouse if you're away.
He's really cross but I don't think I did anything wrong. I sent a message. He was at work today with no phone so I couldn't ring him this morning and then I was driving back.

I had quite an emotional couple of days, seeing family members and talking about the relative. It was full of love and humour and Welshness. Now I have come back to an atmosphere. I don't think I am wrong but should I apologise?

Neither me nor DP (of 36 yrs, so I'm confident 😅) would of rang in these circumstances.
I'd actually turn this around, seeing as he's being an arse. You could rightly claim that as you were the bereaved one, the onus was on him to ring and check that you were OK. Or at the very least check his messages. Not only did he not, but he is adding to your distress now, with his unreasonable behaviour.
Very me, me, me.

Who made those rules then? I’m nearly 60 and can’t think of a time in my life I’ve felt the need to tell anyone I managed not to have a car accident.

And if I was spending the day with family at a funeral, checking in at home wouldn’t be on my mind at all.

The OP’s DH is a grown up he can pick up a phone himself if he’s that concerned or he can understand she’s at a funeral and go a day without it being sll
about him.

100% - the OP was at a funeral and this twat still expects the world to revolve around him. Pathetic and selfish

Awful man. Christ alive. You LOST someone…why wasn’t he there to drive and support?

I so agree.
So many don't realise it until itvis pointed out to them.
Then they can't unsee it.
It was a complete revelation to me when I realised this was my father.
Every happy occasion ruined by him.
As adults we simply refused to have him near our happy moments.
He ruined them while we were children and now we could choose not to have him near us.
I only realised it was narcissism since his death.
We put it down to him being the spoiled youngest son. He was a very good looking man who was adored his whole life.
Family life is invariably a massive disability to such people.

My dh travels a fair bit for work. Sometimes he calls, sometimes he doesn't. Not a big issue either way. Frankly, if he'd gone to a funeral, my priority would be supporting him afterwards not having an argument because he didn't text.

Honestly, I think he's causing an argument so it's all about him and not about you and the funeral. It's all "I'm hurt because you didn't call" instead of "how was the funeral are your parents OK, could have done with a phone call but its good to see you.

He's a prick, and I doubt that this is the first time he's acted so.

He was that worried about you he didn't bother to send you a quick text or call, he's gaslighting you cos he wanted to be the main act, I would've said the funeral went well thanks for asking.

Ugh. Pass me a fucking sick bucket.

He could have called himself or sent a message if he was really concerned.

Does he have previous for being a nob when you've had to go out/away/at events that mean he is not the centre of attention?

Do not apologise.

He was NOT worried - he was pissed off, and now he's trying to make you feel awful, and it seems to be working.

He says he thought you'd posted on FB (you being tagged, I really do not see how he thought that was you posting, unless he is a techno-idiot)... so he saw that.

He says he was worried and yet, he didn't ask the kids, he didn't message, he didn't call...

Bullshit. He's manipulating you. He can't hack that you were focused on someone else and doing something where he wasn't the centre of attention.

This!

Or he could be more caring and realise a) op did message. In WhatsApp. And she was the one in the centre of emotional need. Not him

She did send a message on the family group!

I probably would have texted my DH but I think the issue is how he has communicated. If he would like a message then surely he could just say he was worried and could you message him after a long drive - I particularly dislike people justifying whether they would like by saying it's normal to do whatever it is - it might well be but I think they would get a better response by just stating what they would like politely

Personally I'd be a bit disappointed in him for this - yes, it's nice to get a personal check-in text but at the same time you had provided the information that you were ok via the family Whatsapp, and obviously you had an awful lot on your plate that day. Ultimately he had no reason to doubt you were alive and well and he's being a bit of a selfish twat here. Definitely no apology needed from you here, he should be asking himself if he has supported you as best he can or if he has in fact somewhat centred himself in this situation much bigger than your immediate responsibilities to him.

That kind of neediness would give me the rage. Although it doesn't take much these days.

Can't bear that you weren't focused on him.
Would bet this is the tip of the iceberg.

Do some reading.
Educate yourself OP.

Living with narcissistic people.
Covert narcissism is interesting too.

Same. Life is short and hard enough without making a big deal about not being in the same position to call.

We both work full time, and I’m travelling out of the area to various places, so just call whenever I get a chance, depending on his availability to take a call, due to frequent back to back meetings, but often I don’t get a chance to call.

We are lucky that we both understand that each of us always have and always will be there for each other in family emergencies or if urgent. I don’t have to reassure him about getting to my destination. Same if I go to stay with family sometimes, we just call and don’t get upset if the other is busy and always come together to work things out very quickly when it’s important.

Fuck me, do not apologise! This thread is insane! You went to a family funeral, your DH didn’t ask how it went and now you’re apologising to him? What!?

If you hadn't made any communication at all, then he would have had a point.

But you did message to say you had arrived, you did it on the family group chat.

If I am away overnight I usually message on the family chat so both DS and DH know I am OK. I might message DH directly before I go to bed, as much because I want to hear from him and know he is OK, but it's not a given, depends what time I get to bed.

He could have contacted you if he was genuinely worried.

He probably should have contacted you to say "thinking of you / hope funeral went ok" type things.

You have nothing to apologise for.

Ask yourself if you would have reacted in the same way were the situation reversed. I would never have the gall to berate my partner for not personally calling me ( when I was in fact aware he was fine had arrived safely etc ) if he was attending a family funeral after a really long journey, because I would understand that on that day his needs and feelings came first. He's the one that should be apologising.

This and every other reply like it.

He still fucking wouldn’t have a point. Sometimes in life our heads are up our arses because we’re incredibly stressed. She was at a funeral ffs, after a long drive.

How the hell did society ever cope before every narcissist could demand daily attention from their partner via the shitty little tracking device in their pocket?

So glad Im not married any more and hostage to the whining of some needy man child.