Newish relationship - Waking me up.

[isitoverreacting]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or just hyper aware due to my past relationship.

My ex partner used to deliberately stop me from going to sleep. I’m aware it was one of the abuse tactics used along with many others. At the end of the relationship they admitted that they had done that deliberately because they hated to see me rest.

I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year. They know about this part of my last relationship because I have told them.

The new person I’m seeking is often telling me that I work really hard and that I need more rest and sleep.

A few weeks ago, DC was up in the night so I was up with her and it takes me a long time to get back to sleep. I eventually did. Both me and DC was asleep in her room after being up most of the night.

we finally got to sleep at 7am!
soon after, the person I’m seeing came in the room and nudged me awake saying “heh, you ok?”

I was fuming inside. Thinking “why on earth have you woke me up?!”
then DC also woke up. When this happened my partner stood up and said “I’ll let you go back to sleep then”. I said that’s highly unlikely to happen considering both me and DC were now awake

so I basically explained that I’ve been up all night and that I was in DCs room Trying to get her back to sleep and so that I didn’t disturb my partner. I was annoyed to be woken up for absolutely no reason at all.

Anyway, last week, The person I’m seeing stayed over at my house. I got into bed and explained I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ve been working really long days and I was completely and utterly shattered. So I said I need to go to sleep because I’ve got a banging headache and my eyes are stinging because I’m so exhausted. I fell asleep only to be woken up half an hour later by my partner saying “ I think I can hear someone having sex next door” And laughing about it. Again, I was really annoyed because once I wake up, it takes me about two hours to get back to sleep sometimes

I said there is no chance someone’s having sex next door. And it could be the TV or something. But I don’t see it as a reason to wake me up.

i’m aware that I could be completely overreacting with this and I’m hoping it’s not going to happen again. I’d like to think not because I explained that I really need my sleep and when I’m woken up, I can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t think it’s malicious either. I think it’s just a case of not thinking.

She shouldn't be she is far too delicate and it will affect her children. Of course single mums can be in relationship's but do it responsibly.

This is why I always think it’s a bad idea to be so open with a new partner about what happened in your previous relationship, especially if there was abuse. Now he knows exactly how to mistreat you OP and this is likely to get worse over time.

She is far too delicate? WTF?

She isn’t too delicate. She’s just been an idiot and put lust ahead of being a responsible parent.

I am being kind I can say a lot worse. She shouldn't be in a relationship she needs to put her children first. They need their safe space back.

Oh aren't you sooooooo KIND only saying the OP is 'too delicate' and not saying something A LOT WORSE?! 🙄

Ludicrous comment. She is NOT delicate. She is understandably pissed off at the inconsiderate arsehole she is with waking her up when he feels like it, for shits and giggles. I would go fucking postal if my DH did this. He'd only do it once.

.

Just stop. Single mothers can have relationships without involving the kids. She doesn’t have to give up her own romantic life in order to put her kids first.

She just needs to separate them.

This is the second relationship she has had around her children. What do you think is going on in their minds. "Another one in the house" her DD might be scared of him and that's why she wasn't settled all night. I would have told him to go home.

But why was it ok for him to wake OP up at 7.30am? Why would you have done the same thing?! You still aren’t answering the question...
Also, you are saying that you’re not a “NORMAL person” if you don’t go straight back to sleep after being rudely woken up by someone ? Especially when you’ve told them you don’t like it?

Oh hun, these are normal bouts of waking you up. I think the trauma of your previous relationship color's these events. Please, please go see a trauma informed therapist! ❤️

Damn, you're pretty judgy. Be careful lest you fall off your pedestal.

Sorry! That's to the person you responded to about "lust". What a ding dong.

Please please stop gas lighting the OP!!

I don't know anyone like the op. The people I have around me are reasonable people. They put their children first. People like the op I tend to avoid like the plague. I wouldn't even entertain her kids playing with mine. The op is allowing him to stay the night around her children and all she cares about is her sleep. Her daughter was unsettled for a reason and all she's worried about is her sleep. It's a man she is seeing so she doesn't know him well is wandering around her house at 7am while her children is asleep, and she's complaining about being woken up. Are you sure you want to keep on tagging me for answers? You don't sound reasonable yourself.

What other reason is there to have a new partner spending the night while her child is in the house? Because she certainly isn’t thinking with her head, is she? Just another single mum putting her sexual needs ahead of decent parenting.

I’m a single mum. It’s really not difficult to kept your new partner away from your kid.

YABU in that you keep deflecting and not answering the question. Here it is again.

But why was it ok for him to wake OP up at 7.30am? Why would you have done the same thing?! You still aren’t answering the question...
Also, you are saying that you’re not a “NORMAL person” if you don’t go straight back to sleep after being rudely woken up by someone ? Especially when you’ve told them you don’t like it?

I am I have a neighbour who is on man number 3 and could be baby father number 3. You can hear him shouting sometimes he's a big man as well. Men and women can have relationships but keep the chaos away from your children until you get to know them. Some people shouldn't be in a relationship until they sort out their demons. My ex neighbour married a lovely man after she divorced her kids dad.

It's not unreasonable to wake someone up in the morning especially if everyone is asleep and you're awake. She could have sent him on his way instead of getting upset about it. She said so herself he was asleep while she was trying to settle her daughter. It's perfectly reasonable to give a nudge to ask if everything is okay. She shouldn't be in a relationship she needs to sort out her demons first and get therapy.

I've woken my partner up on many occasions and vice versa. What's this man doing with the op I don't think he should be with her.

What about her children

He is doing it on purpose. Bin him.

What about OP being gaslighted by PP? Why do you keep changing subject?

I've known people like this... They have zero empathy and you can bet THEY sleep like babies!

I knew one bloke who I told and he said he thought I was joking😡

That’s your opinion. Others are equally valid

You are in no position to know this

You sound terrible don't tag me anymore.

In America therapy is normal it's only in this country we turn into a taboo. There is no shame in talking to someone it's good for your mental health. It's a better alternative than a forum. At least her children will be considered in the discussion.